Anonymous wrote:DS graduated from UVA with a degree in Computer Engineering in May '22. He is currently working for a FinTech company with a very high salary but he doesn't plan on moving out anytime soon, not until he saves enough money to buy a townhouse outright. At the savings rate he is making, I think he will move out in about three years. In the meantime, DH is managing the DS investment portfolio, and he doesn't have to pay us rent and food. He is responsible for his phone bill and car insurance. DH bought him a Tesla Model 3 after graduation as a present. It is absolutely necessary to stay home after graduation in order to save money. It is a wise choice.

It was not necessary to buy him a Tesla. No new college grad needs that level of indulgence. It is your money, but I would have prioritized safety.

Anonymous wrote:

It is absolutely necessary to stay home after graduation in order to save money

You might be thinking this is best for your kid, but not only is it not "necessary", it's usually a huge negative to becoming an emotionally healthy adult

Would you want your kids to have financial independence or live paycheck to paycheck? I want my kids to have financial independence to pursue their dreams.

No one said that your adult should live at home forever, just a few years to save a lot of money before moving out on their own.

It is absolutely necessary to stay home after graduation in order to save money

You might be thinking this is best for your kid, but not only is it not "necessary", it's usually a huge negative to becoming an emotionally healthy adult

You know your kid best.

Whatever keeps your kid happy, secure, supported, motivated is a good strategy. For sure, your kids need guidance and some resources to figure out what is next, so imho ultimatums and rules don't work. In some ways they are your adult room mates and in some they are your children.

For our DC, we did not charge rent etc or had any expectations of chores. In fact, they have a brand new car and our credit card for their use. They were self-motivated, kept up with job search, kept up with their socializing, built skills, did volunteer work, took care of their health and diet, and pitched in with chores without asking.

Anonymous wrote:DS graduated from UVA with a degree in Computer Engineering in May '22. He is currently working for a FinTech company with a very high salary but he doesn't plan on moving out anytime soon, not until he saves enough money to buy a townhouse outright. At the savings rate he is making, I think he will move out in about three years. In the meantime, DH is managing the DS investment portfolio, and he doesn't have to pay us rent and food. He is responsible for his phone bill and car insurance. DH bought him a Tesla Model 3 after graduation as a present. It is absolutely necessary to stay home after graduation in order to save money. It is a wise choice.

- Hugs from a fellow Indian-American parent!!

DS graduated from UVA with a degree in Computer Engineering in May '22. He is currently working for a FinTech company with a very high salary but he doesn't plan on moving out anytime soon, not until he saves enough money to buy a townhouse outright. At the savings rate he is making, I think he will move out in about three years. In the meantime, DH is managing the DS investment portfolio, and he doesn't have to pay us rent and food. He is responsible for his phone bill and car insurance. DH bought him a Tesla Model 3 after graduation as a present. It is absolutely necessary to stay home after graduation in order to save money. It is a wise choice.

We charge rent and car insurance. It goes to a savings account but it must be paid. We also ask for help with chores and driving younger kids and my kid gladly does it. Mine is also employed in his field but never talks about moving out. We’re ok with that but our kids know that when we retire we’re moving and selling the house so there is an endpoint.

As for getting a job, I assisted. We used to set aside time in the evenings to work toward it. It was actually a very nice time together despite the fact that I hate job hunting.

* chores

My kid has a schedule. Twice a week she applies/looks for jobs. A few other days she dues grad program research (her preferred plan). She also volunteers twice a week and dates.

For chotes, she has always been great about doing all dishes, vacuums, does her own laundry and cares for her pet. No charges for living here, because she has no income. I also know she is very motivated to move on to the next stage of her life.

We charged both our adult kids rent. It started at $500, and were told if they weren't either in school or working (or a combo of both) full time, it would go up by $100 every three months. That was their incentive to move out. They HAD to be doing something productive (school/work) full time. No food or drink in bedroom except water. Had to do their own laundry at least once a week. Had to let us know if they'd be home for dinner (so we knew whether to make enough food for them) and had to let us know by 11pm if they'd be home that night or not. Could not wake other members of the family unless an emergency. We have younger kids, so we also had the rule of no coming home under the influence of substances. Must make dinner for the family once a week (and clean up from said dinner).

Holing up in a bedroom would be completely unacceptable to us.

Anonymous wrote:TIKTOK is now telling them to stay home till they are over 50

You are like Tiktok. Very unhelpful post pp!

OP, likely out-of-the-blue and sooner than you think, he will just announce he has a job and is moving. Where did that come from? That was never mentioned, talked about. It never "looks" like they are job hunting.

It certainly doesn't look like it did long ago when we were that age.

TIKTOK is now telling them to stay home till they are over 50

I'm sure you'll get good advice here but here are my two cents. Don't charge rent. Be patient. He is still your precious child. Help him find a productive path.

Worked a temp job over the summer and is now back home. Please suggest appropriate measures to keep him focused on starting a career...at least getting a job. I have no issue with him at home. We enjoy spending time with him...but I would like him to be more focused on the next steps to being an independent responsible person. He had a very employable major but is not sure that is exactly the path he wants.

Rent?
Specific household tasks beyond his own areas?
Keeping us posted on what he is doing productively? He is very silent on this...just in his room?

Any tips that worked well for BTDT parents.