If you go, go alone. But I would also speak to your sibling about who you will be sitting with at the reception. Is there anyone in the family/friends that you do get along with? If there is no one you can feasibly sit with then maybe you opt out completely and don't go.

So much dysfunction. Ugh. Just don't go. Say that with 4 kids, you just can't get away.

Anonymous wrote:Op here: worth mentioning that the wedding is cross country. Between outfits, hotels, rental car, flights, etc we’re looking at a $5k cost. Also, thought about just me attending so I can suck it up but leave spouse and kids out of it so they’re not in the line of fire..

Sibling says we’re close (or used to be) but I think they’re referring to when I was a pre-teen because I have zero recollection of closeness…

Do you communicate with sibling regularly? Or are they part of the estrangement?

If you have any ties you want to continue to keep, I'd go solo. Leave your DH and your kids at home. Or if you and DH can make a vacation out of it, beside the wedding, I'd do that too.

But if you are truly estranged, and not interested in a relationship with the entire family, I would probably skip it entirely. It seems like a way to really solidify you are not coming back from this though, so I'd just want you to be sure. It's a relationship ender in my mind, unless you are close to sibling to explain and have them agree it's best you sit it out.

Op here: worth mentioning that the wedding is cross country. Between outfits, hotels, rental car, flights, etc we’re looking at a $5k cost. Also, thought about just me attending so I can suck it up but leave spouse and kids out of it so they’re not in the line of fire..

Sibling says we’re close (or used to be) but I think they’re referring to when I was a pre-teen because I have zero recollection of closeness…

No pick one. You can’t ride the fence here. You either go and be joyful for them or you don’t go and complain to yourselves about how great missing the wedding is so you don’t have to see people that you clearly care too much about since you can’t be seen in the same room as them for 2 hours.

If you’re estranged from your family and fine with the estrangement, why do you care about blow back?

I have a dysfunctional family. I don't like seeing my relatives drinking themselves to death at events (and several have died of alcohol-related issues and several more are in danger of doing so) which is among the reason I don't like to attend. I would probably get called away from the reception because the sitter called and Timmy fell off his bike and might need stitches so one of us needs to be home and the other has to go to the emergency room. And if they get mad because they know I'm lying, too bad.

However, if it was a sibling I was really close with, I would try to suck it up and do whatever would bring them joy.

How careful are you about COVID? I’m still being careful and would not go to an indoor wedding reception for that reason.

I think you should RSVP that you'll happily be attending the ceremony but not the reception. The reception is the part that costs them money per head.

Don't invent an emergency or lie. "Laura I'm so happy for you and Joe, and will attend your wedding ceremony to support your marriage. I won't be attending the reception - as you know I have a contentious relationship with our parents and I'd hate for my presence to take away from your special day. All the best to you and Joe!" (Don't put all that on the RSVP card - just text or email it to your sibling.)

My recommendation to you is: in or out.

Anything else and you can rightfully be accused of causing drama, causing confusion, pulling attention away from the bride and groom, adding to their cost, taking up spots that otherwise they would have filled with friends.

In or out.

Go to reception just long enough to see bride and groom and then slip away. Write bride a note and say you will be at church and will greet them at reception, but not stay for meal so do not pay for meal. Greet them and then leave,

How is your relationship with the sibling who is getting married?

Sure. Just you and spouse attend the ceremony. Be sure to respond that you are not coming to the reception. Send a nice gift.

Can you slip into the reception for a few minutes and then have an "emergency" that makes you need to leave? Or hang out outside most of the time?

If that wouldn't work then just do what you need to do and accept the pushback.

Fairly estranged from my family. I have four kids and a spouse. Ideally would like to totally avoid sibling’s wedding but there would be so much blow-back my spouse and I don’t think that’s possible. Is it too much of a statement to only attend the ceremony and not the reception? There will be a lot of folks at the reception we don’t want to see, parents included.