Establish a budget line now in the amount of the car payment you'll accept, and take that money away from yourself before you get a chance to spend it. In the end, you'll have a down payment--maybe the whole amount for the car.

The takeout and drinks will DRAIN your budget. Is it laziness that leads you to this or is it FOMO? If laziness, you can address by keeping a well-stocked freezer and pantry so that you can put together quick meals. If it's FOMO, let me introduce you to the concept of JOMO -- the JOY of missing out. Look at taking a pass on a night out as an opportunity to recharge, take care of yourself, and get a good night's sleep.

Hair services are also mind-boggling expensive in DC. Try to transition to a color and style that can take longer between services - i.e. long layers, less aggressive highlights, single-process color. The pandemic opened up a whole universe of hair DIY videos - check some out. Maybe you can give yourself trims and do some simple color or highlights. I started cutting my own hair during the pandemic and haven't gone back to the salon yet.

Start saving for a new car NOW.

Use YNAB and a “fun money” category. It helps really helps me with the issues you described OP.

This sounds like a late 20-something person problem, when all your friends go out all the time and go away together. Give it 5 years, and everyone will be married with a tiny child and have no time for drinks out anymore. In the meantime:

-When you're out at a bar, switch on and off with drinking a glass of water/lemonade instead of alcohol. It'll hydrate you better, and cost wayyyy less. I was forced to do this when pregnant and, man, was I forced to see just how much cheaper it is to not spend all your money on alcohol. And before I was pregnant, I shifted into a "only buy drinks when I actually want one" mode. So if I really wanted a beer, I'd buy it. If I was ordering one for the sake of doing so around other people, I'd stick with water/lemonade/soda. Better for your liver, too. At first lots of people thought it was weird, but they got used to that just being how I was.
-Stop coloring your hair. Seriously, many women do at some point. (I just never started.)
-Check your bank account/investments regularly. So long as the balance is going up, it's a great motivator.
-Take out meals: we do take out, but usually only order for pickup now, instead of UberEats delivery. It's a good way to keep costs lower.

If every month you feel the struggle then your budget is more fictional that real life and you likely will continue not sticking to it

It sounds like you are trying to tackle way too many goals at one time.

Just start with one of them - for example a rainy day fund start out with saving up at least one months expenses if you don't already have that and then just put in the min amount to 401K

then if you have any consumer debt, pay that off as quickly as you can and keep mini money going to 401 K

Next start saving for the car, and continue to put a minimum in the 401K until you have saved up whatever you deem you need - just a down payment, half the price, full price- whatever your goal is

At the same time, start dialing back some of the impulse purchases, like consider eating out W/R/F but skip on M and T bc most people have more energy in the earlier part of the week

then once those 3 are done, then consider upping your 401K and building more into the rainy day


Some people will say pay off student loan debt with consumer debt but I think that really just depends on how much debt and being realistic in how long that might take to pay off

I drive a 17 year old beat-up Corolla!

Still in very good shape, no plans on buying another when prices are sky high

OP, PLEASE invest your money wisely. I lived an extremely frugal lifestyle for a decade, think a financially restrained one for another decade. Now I have several million in my bank account. All because I invested at an early age and picked my stocks wisely.

You won't regret it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make a budget category of "fun money" so you can feel like you can treat yourself but it's within your budget.

+1 This, but also some tricks that worked for me at various points:

* When you're about to buy something online, save it in your cart for a day. If you still want it, the store has like a 50% chance of sending you a coupon to get you to come back, but mostly you won't want it.
* When you're out only use cash - it gives you a hard stop when your wallet is empty and psychologically we don't like giving it away so people spend less than when they use cards. This will keep you to one drink, help you say no to the coloring upcharge, etc.
* Lastly, give yourself "treat" achievements - when you get to 3 months' savings in your rainy day fund, you can take the savings you would put in the next month and put it toward a trip, or purchase. Repeat when you hit 6 months, etc.

These are good. I would add:
- Set up auto deposit so your paycheck goes into different accounts. Make sure it’s an account you have to go through extra steps to access / see so you’re not tempted to transfer. For example, I have a car account where money is automatically deposited from my paycheck.

- Stop bringing your credit card with you everywhere. Stick some emergency cash somewhere in case you need it. The more steps you build in prior to doing something (like buying things) the less likely you’ll do it. I don’t keep chocolate in the house cause I’ll scarf it down! Lol. I make myself go the grocery store and buy it. I hate going to the grocery store so I don’t eat chocolate often.

-Make rules like the other poster said. For online shopping, I let myself browse and add a million things in the cart just so I can see the ridiculous total and tell myself “I’m saving this much money!” when I don’t buy it.

- I had to recognize that buying things and taking on debt can become addictive. Retraining my brain to “pay myself first” has been interesting. Looking at stocks I want to buy and monitoring my portfolio has really helped redirect the urge to spend to something productive though.

Find less expensive ways to treat yourself. I switched to coloring my hair at home (there are some great high quality home dye kits that won't damage your hair), doing my own nails, making fancy mixed drinks at home instead of buying them at a bar (or buying a $20 bottle of wine and drinking it over a couple nights at home rather than paying $50+ for the same wine at a bar), and so on. Some of this stuff I just do on my own, but you can also invite friends over to join you and it will feel even more like a treat. You might even identify a friend who is similarly trying to cut expenses and support each other.

I also enjoy doing luxe bubble baths. And I make my morning pour over coffee at home with really good beans and a good quality insulated cup so that I never feel the need to stop for coffee.

Other ideas:

- If you subscribe to more than one streaming service, pick the one you are enjoying most right now and pause all the others. Then as you finish shows or want to watch stuff on other services, pause one and re-activate another, so you're never paying for more than one streaming service.

- Do a major closet cleanout. Consign good quality clothes you don't wear anymore and use the consignment store credit for any future purchases -- doing this can eliminate clothing purchases for 6 months or more. And cleaning out your closet will remind you of good clothes you already own but maybe forgot about, so you may feel less of a desire for new items.

- Before joining in for those girls weekends, group birthday dinners, etc., really ask yourself if your enjoyment of the event will justify the cost. I think right now you are looking at it as "well it will be split 6 ways so it's not that bad" but I think that's the wrong metric. There are some friend groups where splurging on the weekend AirBnB would be totally worth it for me, but definitely not all. Peer pressure is a great way to blow up your budget and it's not always worth it -- remind yourself that few friendships last more than 7 years and question whether it is worthwhile to be spending thousands on outings with friends who are unlikely to survive the next decade.

Set goals
Translate goals into actions
Break down actions into weekly steps
Check in with yourself weekly to see if you are on track

Ultimately, if you care about your goals, you’ll be incentivized to stay on track with your spending. The trick is to make some of your goals fun, friends, travel-related.

You determine your present and future. Your goals are the only things that matter to you.

Money for your investment and rainy day fund need to wash through your bank account. You know what day you get paid. Set the withdrawal up for the investments/rainy day money for the following day.

The investment fund/rainy day money should be at a bank that is different from your primary bank. Do not get an ATM card or link it to Venmo.

Set up something like a bank transfer or zelle between the 2 accounts. If you really need the money, you can transfer it. Otherwise, you'll think twice about dipping into the rainy day money for a color treatment, take out, or bar drinks.

Anonymous wrote:Make a budget category of "fun money" so you can feel like you can treat yourself but it's within your budget.

+1 This, but also some tricks that worked for me at various points:

* When you're about to buy something online, save it in your cart for a day. If you still want it, the store has like a 50% chance of sending you a coupon to get you to come back, but mostly you won't want it.
* When you're out only use cash - it gives you a hard stop when your wallet is empty and psychologically we don't like giving it away so people spend less than when they use cards. This will keep you to one drink, help you say no to the coloring upcharge, etc.
* Lastly, give yourself "treat" achievements - when you get to 3 months' savings in your rainy day fund, you can take the savings you would put in the next month and put it toward a trip, or purchase. Repeat when you hit 6 months, etc.

Make a budget category of "fun money" so you can feel like you can treat yourself but it's within your budget.

No advice regarding impulse purchases, sorry.

Re the car, it will always cost more if you do it when you need to, rather than when planning for it. So while it's satisfying to wait until your car dies, it's probably worth setting a purchase in motion now, particularly with the wait for many new cars.

Why don't you look at saving/investing money as "treat myself" to wealth and retirement?

I don't need budgeting advice, I need tough love on actually sticking to it.

I've made myself a fantastic budget: it involves putting an extra $1000 into rainy day funds and investments (on top of maxing out my 401K), some money put aside for future expenses like a new car, and catching up on my student loans. And it doesn't even require huge sacrifices like eating Ramen or doing all my shopping at 7/11 or never going out. It's just basic fiscal restraint.

And yet I can't seem to stick to it. The worst is the impulse purchases, usually take out meals or bar drinks. And then it's the mid-range luxuries, like a group of friends want a weekend getaway and who wants to say no to that, and it's just an Airbnb split six ways, right? Or, I need a haircut, and I can't say no to a deluxe color treatment as well, right? All this crap adds up. The excuse is that the work week just wears me down (I do like my job, but it does wear me down a bit) and I can't fight the urge to "treat myself" and say no to things, because that takes mental restraint that I've spent all week at my job. How do I attack this and stick to my totally sane, sensible budget?

Side note... the car issue. A new car will inevitably in the nearish future cross the barrier between "want" and "need." I drive an absolute beater. It's a 17 year old Toyota with a huge dent and a jammed window with 200K miles on it. I'm fine with driving this thing into the ground, but at some point, the maintenance will be as fiscally draining as saving for a new one. Aesthetics be damned, but once the transmission starts whining and the battery dying, will it be worth it to go through another round of overhauls before I retire the poor thing? If the car dies in the summer, I can get by on a bicycle for a few more months, but not if the car dies in the winter.