Yes but I don’t expect support or for her to really listen. She just makes it about her. If it’s a light topic I don’t even mind and we can have a fun conversation about it. But for something emotional or important, I usually don’t.

It sucks, OP. I’m sorry. At least it makes me realize that it’s something I want to do differently as a parent.

Anonymous wrote:Not much anymore and that has been a hard realization for me. She's a good person and always used to be my main confidant and person I'd ask for advice. Her life is hard right now and she's so overwhelmed by it she doesn't really have the mental energy to spare me anymore.

Similar though different reasons. Illness and strokes have taken a toll and I haven't been able to talk to her about important things for at least 10 years. In the early years they'd make her upset, and in later years she doesn't remember or can't process them. It's stunning to think of how different she is today from 10 or 15 years ago. So I try not to think about it. Fortunately I have a wonderful mother in law who has emotionally sort of stood in for my mom - although my mom will always be my mom.

Anonymous wrote:I think you're asking your question of an audience that doesn't have good relationships with most people, including their moms.

+1. You have to understand the forum you are posting on.

Yes, I tell my mom just about everything and we talk daily.

Not much anymore and that has been a hard realization for me. She's a good person and always used to be my main confidant and person I'd ask for advice. Her life is hard right now and she's so overwhelmed by it she doesn't really have the mental energy to spare me anymore.

I think you're asking your question of an audience that doesn't have good relationships with most people, including their moms.

Sadly, no. I relate to PP who mentioned “out of touch,” as that’s the perfect description of my mom. She’s an emotionally immature religious fundamentalist whose only advice is to “draw nearer to God” and espouses outdated gender role expectations. As I became a teenager, I gave up on trying to get any meaningful advice from her. I’ve worked through my frustration and disappointment in therapy, and my therapist has termed her an “unreliable narrator“ because of this behavior. Thankfully, my husband and friends have stood in the gap

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but not all the things. General life advice, logistical, financial, work - sure. Anything to do with relationships, friendships or romantic - no way!

Similar. Yes, but on the topics she's okay with, which are limited. Kids, extended family, weekend plans, weather and health. Certainly not any problems.

I've made my peace with it. Wish we had a closer relationship, but grateful for the one we do have. She had a hard family life, so I think keeping conversations neutral helps her feel safe.

No. She either makes it about her or minimizes the issue.

No. I used to talk to her about most topics but she abused that trust by giving bad advice, not keeping confidences, using information against me at random times, and using info to try to drive a wedge between me and my sister. She did the same to my sister, and now neither of us speak to her.

My teen daughter and I are pretty open with each other. The other day, she asked me to order food and if we could try a new restaurant. I told her to pick a restaurant on my way home from work and I’d pick it up, but not to order from door dash, order from the restaurant. She decided on pizza, and everything went well. We wound up having a discussion about the pros and cons of delivery/food ordering apps, who gets paid, who takes a cut, who gets the tips, etc. I thought it was cool that she was interested in workers rights and how the money we pay for food and services is distributed. It made me think about if I’d been in a similar situation with my own mother, if I asked for a pizza from a new restaurant, and she would’ve said something like, “Quit throwing away my money. Make your own damn pizza.” She wasn’t really into teachable moments.

No. She is a very immature person and can’t really offer support to others.

Yes, but not all the things. General life advice, logistical, financial, work - sure. Anything to do with relationships, friendships or romantic - no way!

No OP I cut mine off. My is a toxic human and not trustworthy.

My mother taught me to cut off people and not to tell them why. Well that came back to bite her in a big way. Two out of four do not speak to her.

My life is so much better now.

OP sending hugs.

Nope. Not only is she dead, but even before she died she was so completely out of touch that she either couldn't give advice that could be used or she couldn't fathom the situation I was going through.

I didn't realize but subconsciously made friends with some people who were 10-15 years older than I, who gave excellent advice - anything from how to take which bus to get to the doctor to how to phrase difficult things I had to say, to which dentist to use, to how to cook things.

I envy people who can talk to their moms about things. Not necessarily Rory Lorelei Gilmore level closeness, but the type of relationship where you can go to them if you have a minor problem. I can’t talk to my mom about anything and I moved to a new city and don’t have many close friends.