I wouldn't have left my baby for a weekend....

Honestly I am puzzled that you are offering this. I am not surprised she wouldn’t let her baby with you. You have no track record of caring for other people’s babies. I have 3 kids and I can imagine offering this to anyone unless it was a dire emergency.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe as a nanny she has seen other nannies do questionable things and it made her overprotective.

Agree this likely has little to do with you.

This is it.

OP, it’s not about you. I was a nanny before I had kids and it’s not unusual for nannies to be really weird about leaving their kids with others. As a nanny you see a lot. Not just other nannies but you work very intimately with numerous families as well. All my nanny friends became SAHM once having kids, I think if that’s your industry you’re just much more aware.

Like, I’m sure in your field there are things you wouldn’t do because what you’ve seen as a doctor? Right? Even if the actual risk is low?

I don’t think your nanny doesn’t trust you. I’d just let it be.

A lot of new parents won’t even let grandparents babysit.

Op, you need to let go. I was a complete control freak when my kids (twins) were infants. In fact, I had a really good nanny quit bc of my control freak tendencies. I have learned to relax and if I could go back and do it differently, I would. There were a bunch of extenuating circumstances in my case but knowing me, I likely would have acted the same way regardless. Some people are just like that and it wasn’t personal to anyone who wanted to help. I wanted things done my way and I wanted to be in charge all the time (yes, I eventually stayed home). Please don’t be offended that your nanny doesn’t want you to watch the baby. It isn’t personal and please do not ruin what is clearly a great relationship for your family.

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. I see why it would hurt, but this isn’t about you.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Get over it. I see why it would hurt, but this isn’t about you.

This. She has different values than you, that's all.

The decisions people make for themselves is not a reflection on you. You make the best choices for your family, she makes the best choices for hers. Stop trying to read something about yourself into her choices.

Let’s be perfectly frank OP - you hired her to watch your kids during the hardest part of their lives and throughout infancy. You only recently started caring for what sounds like tweens by yourself…part-time.

Why would she think you have any knowledge or skills on how to handle a under-1 year old?

Maybe as a nanny she has seen other nannies do questionable things and it made her overprotective.

Agree this likely has little to do with you.

Have some empathy, it’s their first kid. Most parents are overprotective of their first.

And honestly if you’re that offended that it’s interfering your work relationship with someone you’ ve known 10 years, I can kind of see her point. If you take something this benign personally, what happens if she has an issue with something you did while her child was under her care and asked you to follow their rules? You sound like you want things your way and she’s right for not wanting to deal with that.

My instinct is that the partner is the one who is a hard pass on the idea and she's diplomatically covering for him.

He likely has no rational reasons that he can articulate; rather it's a subconscious but deeply felt "no."

I'm projecting I know. But when DS was a baby I would have never, ever left him with his loving and competent local grandparents and I couldn't say why. He grew up to travel the world with them out of contact with me for literally weeks. But as a 8 month old, when they were clamoring for me to hand him over for 2 entire days? Nope. And I couldn't articulate why.

Get over it. I see why it would hurt, but this isn’t about you.

No, I wouldn't be offended and I think you are really overthinking this. Also, you are making this all about you but it's about her and her husband and what they feel is best for their child. I doubt their decision has anything to do with you.

We’ve had the same nanny since all three of my kids were infants, so she’s been with our family for a little over ten years. We love her dearly and she has made our lives doable. DH&I are in the medical field and both had incredibly demanding jobs when our kids were younger. We have no family nearby, and we needed a nanny who could become a third parent in order to both stay in our careers. We lucked out and found an amazing young, educated nanny to help us raise our boys.

When our youngest went to school full time 2021 and I transitioned to new, easier going job, she dropped down to part time. Shortly after she became pregnant with her first child. She worked throughout her pregnancy and I was home more often so we became very close. We always appreciated her, but didn’t spend tons of time together until really 2020 onward. She had her baby and we have her six months paid maternity and she returned at the beginning of summer break. We offered her to bring her infant daughter, and she has a few times but otherwise her partner (flexible hours) was watching her while nanny was with us. Nanny also said she appreciated the break, and that she felt like it was good for her partner to get solo time for baby and for her to be able to work without baby present all the time. I totally understood. I knew her anniversary with her partner was approaching in September and I know like us, she and her partner don’t have family nearby. I offered to watch her daughter (9mo) for a getwaway weekend or just an evening so they could have a date night. She declined and I initially thought she did so because she was trying to be polite or didn’t want to put us out. I told her it really wouldn’t be an issue, and that I was actually excited since my baby days are over. She seemed uncomfortable and said that she and her partner both agreed they didn’t want anyone watching their daughter till she was older. I don’t know why, but I felt deeply hurt. I understand how hard it is to leave your child. But I trusted her with all three of my boys when they were practically newborns. But she doesn’t trust me for a few hours? And I need to explain since she’s worked with us for so long, it’s not a typical nanny/family dynamic anymore. She feels like my younger sister or someone much closer. I don’t know, I felt rejected and like the entire time she’s worked for our family she’s judged our parenting. I know it’s probably more complicated and I shouldn’t take it personally. But to give someone so much trust for so long, and learn they don’t return that same trust has been really hard. I do think there are some deeper issues for me, feelings I have since I wasn’t as active when my boys were her daughters age due to work. I don’t want to put that all on her, but I do think it’s putting a strain on the working relationship at this point.