Anonymous wrote:He seems to have zero interest in our family.

based on your post here I would say he is spot on and your daughter picked a wonderful person

Anonymous wrote:I think this generation considers marriage the beginning of their own new family rather than the joining of two families. It’s not uncommon for families to meet only at the wedding now. I’m not sure what level of interest you want him to show you, but if he makes your daughter happy that’s all that matters. SonIL relationships sometimes take many years to develop. Be patient and don’t force it.

Joining of two families? I don't think it was ever like that. My parents are from the same small town and both sets of my grandparents didn't hang out or know each other. They didn't spend holidays together, they spent them with their own families. For instance maternal side hosted a Christmas eve and paternal side hosted Christmas day (and didn't invite each other).

Being uneasy is not a reason to not welcome him into the family. I met my now SIL once before the wedding so I had no real chance to get to know him. But I trusted my daughter’s decision making ability and it’s worked out fine.

There is mental illness in my husband's family (and my husband and my son) that would have made me pause had I known it would get passed down to my children. Either we wouldn't have married, or I would have been mentally prepared to deal with it.

So I tell my children that medical history is very important when they find someone. And given how hard our family life has been, it's something they're on board with. The rest matters, of course - being kind, smart, having moral integrity. But severe mental health disorders just derail one's life to such an extent that it matters little how kind and smart you are and how hard you try.

I don't know what you fear exactly, OP, but please do encourage your children to have premarital counseling and touch on the medical history aspect.

Anonymous wrote:I think this generation considers marriage the beginning of their own new family rather than the joining of two families. It’s not uncommon for families to meet only at the wedding now. I’m not sure what level of interest you want him to show you, but if he makes your daughter happy that’s all that matters. SonIL relationships sometimes take many years to develop. Be patient and don’t force it.

+1 If he's a good partner for your DD, nothing else matters.

I think this generation considers marriage the beginning of their own new family rather than the joining of two families. It’s not uncommon for families to meet only at the wedding now. I’m not sure what level of interest you want him to show you, but if he makes your daughter happy that’s all that matters. SonIL relationships sometimes take many years to develop. Be patient and don’t force it.

Anonymous wrote:He seems to have zero interest in our family.

Maybe because you are putting off bad vibes since you are unsure about him?

Anonymous wrote:He seems to have zero interest in our family.

How does that manifest itself? Does he come to family events with her? Do they live nearby?

He seems to have zero interest in our family.

We had a discussion with our Ds that we wanted to make sure they had premarital counseling. Would that help in this situation?

What makes you uneasy? Doubt there is much that you can do - but perhaps we can offer support or encouragement....

How old are they? More details Op.

Without any details here, you should probably just myob.

What about him makes you uneasy?

They just got engaged. He seems to make her happy, but I have an uneasy feeling about him. Not sure what to do, probably nothing.