Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

The Asian way can be tragic too. ILs are in serious medical trouble, one with moderate dementia that is progressing quickly and the other spouse with severe illness that don't allow them to care for themselves. Siblings are in extreme disagreement over how to care for them. There is a daughter who lives near by and the current plan seems to be to put the full weight of elder care on her.
Better to come up with a plan early that includes home care but realized that at some point you need to pivot to a facility. And home care is only possible in this situation because someone is sacrificing their life entirely to make it happen.

This is happening to my mid-70ish mother (taking care of her own father). It sucks for her but she won’t allow me even pay for in home care.

I’m pretty sure that a residential care facility I pass daily in Silver Spring was established by the Korean American community.

Then there’s these facilities:

Howard County and Baltimore County, Maryland

Lorien Health Services Korean Senior Care Centers

Lorien Health Services offers three Korean Senior Care Centers in the state of Maryland: Columbia, Mays Chapel, and Golden Living. All three locations provide residents with traditional meals cooked by Korean chefs, Korean games like yoot, and Korean newspapers and TV shows. Staff speak multiple languages and visiting pastors host religious ceremonies in Korean. Across the three centers, seniors can access skilled nursing care, assisted living services, ventilator care, and independent living.

Ellicott City, Maryland

Morning Glory Assisted Living

Morning Glory Assisted Living is an assisted living home with room to care for eight elderly Korean-speaking residents. Best of all, individuals who qualify for the Medicaid waiver may be able to receive full financial aid to live at Morning Glory. Give its website a look to learn more — it's primarily written in Korean!

No typically not.

The main reason?

Because it is a well-known fact that Asian people NEVER age.

Lol. 😂

In Japan, of course there are plenty of nursing homes. My grandparents were each in their own home, due to dementia. My grandfather was difficult and hated his, my grandmother was lovely and patient and was well cared for. In Japan they try to pair Kindergartens with nursing homes, so that the little kids can visit the elders regularly. It made my Grandma so happy, because she was really a child herself, and my K-aged children were here in the US - not exactly great for weekly visits.

I’m an Asian immigrant and the oldest daughter of my family. My mom prefers to live with me in US but I said no. She has good health insurance in home country and can’t speak English or drive. It’ll be too much of a burden on me as I work full time and my kids are still young. She has her own house but chose to go to a nursing home. I pay for the cost and send her extra money from time to time. Have to admit I feel very guilty not to fulfill her wish, but on the other hand, I don’t want to die before her. It was extremely stressful every time she visited us in US for even a few months.

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

What's tragic, and deeply not acceptable, it putting all the burden of eldercare on the female members of the family. Typically the elder's daughter(s). Especially in the
American culture where many of these women work. What you'll often see is women killing themselves with the process of trying to take care of elders, children, and work. No thank you, I encourage my children to put me in a home that I'm saving to pay for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

Ugh, don’t fall for the myth that home is always better than being in a facility. I’m in lots of family caregiver groups and the stress and resentment towards parents is so high. And many of the children caregivers are late 50’s to well into their 60’s. They have their own health issues. And many are worried they are going to die before their parents because of the stress and no time to take care of their own health.

+1,000 Same experience.It can also stress a marriage to the brink unless it's a mild mannered and appreciative parent. In other cases, it's better and more healthy for the brain to be in situations where you connect with peers and have to keep using social skills. Feeling safe to be abusive, demanding and entitled and then rotting in front of the TV is not good exercise for the brain. Again, it really depends on the personality of the elder, but if if the person was always or has become toxic, it causes too much erosion and damage to the family system and the cost is the mental and physical health of not just the caregiver adult children, but also potentially the grandchildren. You don't want to teach children that abuse is OK if it comes from family. You teach children boundaries and problem solving.

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

Ugh, don’t fall for the myth that home is always better than being in a facility. I’m in lots of family caregiver groups and the stress and resentment towards parents is so high. And many of the children caregivers are late 50’s to well into their 60’s. They have their own health issues. And many are worried they are going to die before their parents because of the stress and no time to take care of their own health.

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

You sound unhinged. Dramatic much?

Long slow death is tragic no matter who you are

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

The Asian way can be tragic too. ILs are in serious medical trouble, one with moderate dementia that is progressing quickly and the other spouse with severe illness that don't allow them to care for themselves. Siblings are in extreme disagreement over how to care for them. There is a daughter who lives near by and the current plan seems to be to put the full weight of elder care on her.
Better to come up with a plan early that includes home care but realized that at some point you need to pivot to a facility. And home care is only possible in this situation because someone is sacrificing their life entirely to make it happen.

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

Well that was quick, sigh. Asians can be Americans too. Especially if they're on DCUM

I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

My Indian MIL will! No way she’s staying with me so….

I visited a relative at one in an area with plenty of Asians, but I did not see any others in the facility.