I will say this: we had all those rules in place, had all the protections, firewalls, etc and my 13 year old found all the ways to download tools to get around them. I think you should expect that if they have access to the internet on their phone, they will either look at blocked content or know a friend who looks at blocked content and teach them. I trusted my straight A Honors kid and was shocked at what he was looking at and what he told me his friends were also looking at. So, now he will get a flip phone.

If they change the time zone - it is taken away.
(They manually change time zones to get around time restrictions on the phone)

You need to supervise your kid on the phone. Actively supervise. That means there is no such thing as privacy in a smartphone; not for a minor.

At a minimum:

1) Ensure that only you can download apps
2) no social media before 13, and then only accounts that you follow
3) no Snapchat, period
4) no photos or videos without consent
5) Phone in parent possession overnight
6) HW before phone time

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've had our kids start out with a cheap flip phone, to get used to having it without losing it, knowing when to answer and when not to (in class), having good phone manners (never having the phone on a table where food is served), etc.

They can only be programmed with three phone numbers. They have to stick with that for a year successfully before they get a smart phone.

We did this too and it's a good idea but also doesn't really mean much or train them for having a smart phone. A cheap flip phone means they have zero interest in it and it stays in their bag all the time. There is no reason to have it at the dinner table, etc. But sure, our kid used it to call us for rides, which was helpful.

My kid had a flip phone summer before 6th and first half of 6th. He said it was so embarrassing that he would never get it out in front of his peers. We do not live in a particularly wealthy area and are in public school. He would use it to call us as needed but would hide in a bathroom stall or make sure no one was around to see. He told me never in a million years would he let anyone see him pick up a call on it. I found this interesting and was not expecting the reaction.

Anonymous wrote:We've had our kids start out with a cheap flip phone, to get used to having it without losing it, knowing when to answer and when not to (in class), having good phone manners (never having the phone on a table where food is served), etc.

They can only be programmed with three phone numbers. They have to stick with that for a year successfully before they get a smart phone.

We did this too and it's a good idea but also doesn't really mean much or train them for having a smart phone. A cheap flip phone means they have zero interest in it and it stays in their bag all the time. There is no reason to have it at the dinner table, etc. But sure, our kid used it to call us for rides, which was helpful.

Use screen time. Have the phone turn off at a certain time. In our house it's 8pm. Phone charges downstairs.

Make sure they don't have apple ID password. Disallow downloading of apps.

Block a whole bunch of sites. I googled lists of what to block. Block social media from the browser. They can go in and make an account that way instead of using the app.

(I am amazed by how few parents do the above.)

Beyond that, lots of explicit conversations about what could happen. Nothing is private. Everything can be screen shot. You should assume an adult on the other end is reading and seeing everything you're doing. All photos and videos will exist forever and follow you.

We can check the phone whenever we like for whatever reason.

After raising my kids, my advice is to not allow social media, and to buy your kids flip phones.

Anonymous wrote:We used the editable version on this site and made a few changes

https://joshshipp.com/teen-cell-phone-contract/

Same here

Highlighted NEVER taking pictures or videos of people without their consent.

We used the editable version on this site and made a few changes

https://joshshipp.com/teen-cell-phone-contract/

We've had our kids start out with a cheap flip phone, to get used to having it without losing it, knowing when to answer and when not to (in class), having good phone manners (never having the phone on a table where food is served), etc.

They can only be programmed with three phone numbers. They have to stick with that for a year successfully before they get a smart phone.

We have our kids passwords. In fact all of our phones have the same 4-digit password (ex, 1234) In the beginning passcodes could only be 4 digits. My college kid got a new phone at some point, and He let me use it (think look at pictures or something) and it locked. I noticed the password was 6 digits, so asked him to unlock it. He said “you know the password.” He said it forced him to choose 6 digits, so he changed it to 123412…. Repeating the first 2 digits. He was still following a rule I made when he was 11.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t friend people you don’t know personally. The phone gets charged overnight out of the bedroom. Set the hours that work for you.

These are our basic rules too. We also have to approve apps and must have the password. They are not allowed to change it and understand that we can check the phone anytime we want.
And that they are responsible for lost or broken phones.

Don’t friend people you don’t know personally. The phone gets charged overnight out of the bedroom. Set the hours that work for you.

Will be getting DD a phone soon. She is in 6th grade. What are some of your most effective rules for new phone users?