I am in my 60s and have this condition. It definitely delayed my sexual experiences. I had a couple failed attempts in my very early 20s. It was before the Internet and I didn't understand what was happening and was too afraid to ask my doctor. The young men I were seeing were nice enough about it but the relationships quickly fizzled out. After that I didn't date much, cutting relationships off after a few dates so I didn't disappoint anyone or take up too much of their time.

In my mid 20s I met an experienced, amazing man who thought I was lovely and worth the trouble. He encouraged me to see my physician who gave me a series of tu to practice with. My boyfriend was patient and part of the process.

Almost 40 years later, we have an amazing relationship and beautiful adult kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had this, just like the PP if we were fooling around we would go super slow and do oral, we tended to always do oral with me on my back so that if she was feeling OK she would just hop on top and the rest of the evening was great but if she wasn’t feeling it she didn’t hop on.
She brought it up before we even started getting physical so I had no expectations of piv until it was happening. She had some abuse in her history and that led to the unconscious defenses but as we got further along and completely trusted each other it very rarely happened again, but it took months.

Before we got physical she would joke that she had vagina dentata, she didn’t, and now she’s married with two kids so I’m thinking she got everything worked out.

You do know that she didn't have it because it's not a thing, right? Freud just made it up.

You know the woman was joking right? Because all all women with vaginas know, it’s absurd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had this, just like the PP if we were fooling around we would go super slow and do oral, we tended to always do oral with me on my back so that if she was feeling OK she would just hop on top and the rest of the evening was great but if she wasn’t feeling it she didn’t hop on.
She brought it up before we even started getting physical so I had no expectations of piv until it was happening. She had some abuse in her history and that led to the unconscious defenses but as we got further along and completely trusted each other it very rarely happened again, but it took months.

Before we got physical she would joke that she had vagina dentata, she didn’t, and now she’s married with two kids so I’m thinking she got everything worked out.

You do know that she didn't have it because it's not a thing, right? Freud just made it up.

Duh

My GF is a 40 year old virgin. She has this condition. I've been taking it slow and she's been appreciative and getting a bit better. I'm pretty sure there's a major mental component to the condition. She'd never had an O until she met me, never gave a man an O until she met me (although she'd watched a man give himself one), she's very uncomfortable talking about sex, and she'd never spent time undressed with any man other than me. She actually does have a very athletic looking body and she is very sexual, and she enjoys sexual activity a lot, up to a point, so I figured I should be patient.

Unfortunately, she recently said that she thinks she can be very happy in her life if she never has intercourse with anyone and she doesn't understand why men think that intercourse is a big deal.

I'm a patient and understanding man but I don't think I'll be happy if I never have intercourse again.

Anonymous wrote:My friend had this, just like the PP if we were fooling around we would go super slow and do oral, we tended to always do oral with me on my back so that if she was feeling OK she would just hop on top and the rest of the evening was great but if she wasn’t feeling it she didn’t hop on.
She brought it up before we even started getting physical so I had no expectations of piv until it was happening. She had some abuse in her history and that led to the unconscious defenses but as we got further along and completely trusted each other it very rarely happened again, but it took months.

Before we got physical she would joke that she had vagina dentata, she didn’t, and now she’s married with two kids so I’m thinking she got everything worked out.

You do know that she didn't have it because it's not a thing, right? Freud just made it up.

Anonymous wrote: I had a girlfriend who had this. Every PIV motion had to be very slow and gentle. It was literally slow motion sex, but it worked and made it enjoyable for her. Taught me more about sex than anything else. It forced me to be in the moment all the time paying attention to how she was feeling. The upside for her was that she could have o’s one right after the other when done the way she needed it. What seemed like very different sex at first eventually just felt normal. I adjusted to suit her uniqueness and hopefully your partner will too. Your partner will have to be patient and likely have to rethink entirely how he approaches sex with you.

Wow, beautifully written- attentive, caring and manly. I hope my daughter marries someone like you (she doesn’t suffer from vaginismus.)

I had a girlfriend who had this. Every PIV motion had to be very slow and gentle. It was literally slow motion sex, but it worked and made it enjoyable for her. Taught me more about sex than anything else. It forced me to be in the moment all the time paying attention to how she was feeling. The upside for her was that she could have o’s one right after the other when done the way she needed it. What seemed like very different sex at first eventually just felt normal. I adjusted to suit her uniqueness and hopefully your partner will too. Your partner will have to be patient and likely have to rethink entirely how he approaches sex with you.

Anonymous wrote:Warning: no one wants to be with someone like that

I can assure you that’s not true, btdt, my dh knew about it from the beginning, we thought it’s just tougher to pop my cherry but in retrospect it was vaginismus, we were talking marriage within the first year of dating and before we even had full penetration, so it did not affect our relationship, he got lots of oral so did not really care or probably it was even better for him, no surprise pregnancy, plus I orgasm every time from clitoral stimulation, even without oral, I actually do not like oral, I’m very ticklish and I lose my arousal, been together 30 years, normal pregnancy, still very much in love and very affectionate with each other, but still piv only occasionally, we could do with more but he got more comfortable without it I also don’t need contraceptives so in the end it works for us

You again?. 🙄

Warning: no one wants to be with someone like that

If you are interested in a romance novel, The Awkward Path to Getting Lucky by Summer Heacock has a heroine with vaginismus.

My friend had this, just like the PP if we were fooling around we would go super slow and do oral, we tended to always do oral with me on my back so that if she was feeling OK she would just hop on top and the rest of the evening was great but if she wasn’t feeling it she didn’t hop on.
She brought it up before we even started getting physical so I had no expectations of piv until it was happening. She had some abuse in her history and that led to the unconscious defenses but as we got further along and completely trusted each other it very rarely happened again, but it took months.

Before we got physical she would joke that she had vagina dentata, she didn’t, and now she’s married with two kids so I’m thinking she got everything worked out.

Assuming hetero relationship (because that is my experience) -

if you are the man, be patient, and focus on outercourse. Touching, breast play, the woman performing oral on the man, etc.

for me, I need to know that we can fool around and then decide whether to attempt penetrative sex or not. If we don't attempt, he doesn't get mad. And if we attempt, and it hurts, he's ok with stopping.

If a guy gets annoyed if we wind up not attempting or continuing penetrative sex, then I just shy away from ever being intimate and the relationship doesn't work.

on relationships

If you have suffered from vaginismus or had a partner who did, how did you deal with it? Got any encouraging stories? Any warnings?

Vaginismus is the body's automatic reaction to the fear of some or all types of vaginal penetration. Whenever penetration is attempted, your vaginal muscles tighten up on their own. You have no control over it. Occasionally, you can get vaginismus even if you have previously enjoyed painless penetrative sex.