Man here - some of this is because, in general, women who stay home do a lot of the little unpaid tasks that add up to a lot. My SAHM DW to an 11 and 14 year old does almost all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, appointments, homeroom mom, etc. etc. that adds up to probably something like a 6 hour shift. She has it easier than I do now at my biglaw job but when the kids were little, her days were more of a slog than mine.

But if she weren't doing all of those things, I would judge her as lazy.

Also, a lot of it is biology. I have never seen this situation work in reverse (biglaw woman partner with SAH DH). I think men take pride in providing for their families, and women get resentful if their DH isn't working. I think female attraction over the long term is hard enough and they lose attraction if their man isn't working outside the home. "lack of ambition" or how ever you want to phrase it. I am not saying this is fair but it seems very consistent

Traditional roles.

There are also some jobs mainly for men to control men. To control men and so forth. Police and prison and Military. These are very man vs man jobs compared to man v woman jobs. I guess beauty would be a mainly woman to woman job. Not sure what else.

Anonymous wrote:Sexism. Anything that is seen as "women's work" isn't valued or well paid. Examples: childcare, cleaning, elder care, teaching. Sex work can be better paid for women but not always. If a man deigns to do these things- he is seen as lesser.

I of course disagree with the above on a logical level. But I'm not free of this predudiced pattern and I'm trying to relearn. I have definitely looked down on a SAHD who is still working on his acting chances in his 40s.

Probably because he also looks down on it. Men who are really into child rearing aren’t usually looked down on. I know several of them very active in the PTA. Handle the family’s finances. Do all the driving. coach something. They are able to instruct boys and girls and are confident in their capabilities at home.

Because women blame men for everything wrong in the world.

Anonymous wrote:Because Adam was punished with needing to work to live, and Eve was punished with pain in childbirth.

It all goes back to that first sin in the garden of Eden

No one cares.

Sexism. Anything that is seen as "women's work" isn't valued or well paid. Examples: childcare, cleaning, elder care, teaching. Sex work can be better paid for women but not always. If a man deigns to do these things- he is seen as lesser.

I of course disagree with the above on a logical level. But I'm not free of this predudiced pattern and I'm trying to relearn. I have definitely looked down on a SAHD who is still working on his acting chances in his 40s.

Sometimes when these questions come up I think about the work people used to do a century and a half ago or a century and a half before that. The houses were much smaller, people had more kids generally, and the men were all farmers living and working at and near the house. I think it was easier to see the work people did each day in closer quarters. Some people saw this better during the pandemic on both sides.

Anonymous wrote:Because Adam was punished with needing to work to live, and Eve was punished with pain in childbirth.

It all goes back to that first sin in the garden of Eden

I thought he was already keeping things out of the garden. Where was he when the serpent came?

Because work is not just working for someone and making money. It’s much more than that but since we are in a capitalistic society we’ve lost our focus on this. There are entire societies still today where women do a ton of work but don’t make any money. There is thinking which is work in your brain and there is action which is your body doing to the world. I think women who don’t think or do get judged very harshly. Maybe there is some dumb lazy beautiful blond woman out there that is valuable to men just on traits but she probably inherited good genes which would mean someone was smart and worked well in another generation. There are beautiful lazy men also adored more just for their looks who don’t have to work on them or work much. It usually isn’t enough to get by. I noticed the most beautiful girl from my high school was single. Most people have to work in some way with their mind and body.

Where are you seeing that men are judged more harshly than women in this way? It’s kind of easy to pick up on the silliness of that statement when you think about boys and girls and child rearing. Boys will be boys. General consensus is that they cannot handle school or rules as well as girls. Women have less range of strength. Maybe That’s what you are thinking about.

My DH stayed home with the kids in the early years which we agreed on and I also understand how difficult it is to get back into the workforce if you take an extended time off. However I could also relate to how that DH felt about his wife - staying home when your kid is 10 years is no life and I would also have felt resentful if DH thought it was ok to do that

Anonymous wrote:Because Adam was punished with needing to work to live, and Eve was punished with pain in childbirth.

It all goes back to that first sin in the garden of Eden

I’m not sure enough people know these details for this to be the reason

Because Adam was punished with needing to work to live, and Eve was punished with pain in childbirth.

It all goes back to that first sin in the garden of Eden

Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.

S/o of the dh who posted his wife is ‘lazy’ (and not to re litigate his post) do you feel society judges men who don’t work much more harshly? I feel like if a woman wrote that their child was 10 and the dh had not yet gone back to work (even if they agreed he’d stay at home in the early years), he would be viewed much differently than a woman who is still out of the workforce once kids are in school full time. Is that true or subjective?