Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:45     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your therapist didn’t say any of the things you implied.


Be more specific

Implied that the counselor thinks she should divorce but not because of the children. Never said.
Implied that the counselor is disgusted with husband. Never said and could be disgusted with wife just as well.
Implied that divorce would be hard on children because of their age. Never said.


Original post says that she didn’t explicitly say divorce. I wrote that in there. She did in fact say divorce would be hard on a 5 year old, junior high would be better. Yes she did say those words.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:44     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
So how do you plan on living in the same house with someone who disgusts you?
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:42     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your therapist didn’t say any of the things you implied.


Be more specific

Implied that the counselor thinks she should divorce but not because of the children. Never said.
Implied that the counselor is disgusted with husband. Never said and could be disgusted with wife just as well.
Implied that divorce would be hard on children because of their age. Never said.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:39     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
If you're not going to make it to HS graduation, for sure divorce now.

I was 4 when my parents divorced, I don't even remember it. Middle school divorces are much, much harder on a kid.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:39     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Anonymous wrote:Your therapist didn’t say any of the things you implied.


Be more specific
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:38     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Your therapist didn’t say any of the things you implied.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:37     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Anonymous wrote:Acknowledge it? To whom? The kids? Definitely not.

I guess you could explicitly say to DH "we will get divorced in 13 years when youngest is in college" but that sure won't give him any incentive to change his behavior.


Not to the kids, but with DH. The relationship is getting intolerable. We did marriage counseling, he just can’t change. I can’t put up with it. I’m realizing we just can’t be together
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:32     Subject: If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Don't stay together for the kids. I wish my mom and divorced my step father sooner. Instead she didn't do it until I was in college. Living through the fights isn't exactly a great experience.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:28     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Divorce is going to be MUCH harder on a kid going through middle school and the turbulent puberty years, IMO. A lot of kids develop anxiety, mental health issues and have a decline in academics/socializing when it is is sprung on them in MS/HS.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:27     Subject: If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. Marriage counselor hadn’t said explicitly to divorce but she’s clearly as disgusted with DH as I am. Hinted that divorce would be hard on my 5 year old, at least in junior high DS would be able to understand better. I’m not going to make it until the kids are in college. Maybe I can fake it a few more years? Anyone else do this?


Suuurrrrrrreeeee!
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:27     Subject: Re:If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Acknowledge it? To whom? The kids? Definitely not.

I guess you could explicitly say to DH "we will get divorced in 13 years when youngest is in college" but that sure won't give him any incentive to change his behavior.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:26     Subject: If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. Marriage counselor hadn’t said explicitly to divorce but she’s clearly as disgusted with DH as I am. Hinted that divorce would be hard on my 5 year old, at least in junior high DS would be able to understand better. I’m not going to make it until the kids are in college. Maybe I can fake it a few more years? Anyone else do this?


As a teacher who has seen kids of all ages go through this, I would say 5 is one of the easiest ages. Middle school would be harder on the kid.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:25     Subject: If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Anonymous wrote:I think do it whenever you and your husband will be able to do it “as best as possible” in terms of keeping the kids well-being front and center. If that’s going to be equally bad at any point in time, you might as well get the party started now.


But to answer your original question, My answer is similar, if been transparent with your spouse that you’re staying together just for the kids will help you be better parents in someway, I suppose there’s no reason not to do it?
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:24     Subject: If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
I think do it whenever you and your husband will be able to do it “as best as possible” in terms of keeping the kids well-being front and center. If that’s going to be equally bad at any point in time, you might as well get the party started now.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:19     Subject: If you’re staying together for the kids, do you acknowledge it?
Title says it all. Marriage counselor hadn’t said explicitly to divorce but she’s clearly as disgusted with DH as I am. Hinted that divorce would be hard on my 5 year old, at least in junior high DS would be able to understand better. I’m not going to make it until the kids are in college. Maybe I can fake it a few more years? Anyone else do this?