Thank you guys. Im 20.

But when i exercise i lose weight and look sick. It doesnt look good on me. Maybe i overdo it. I dont know. Im sick of feeling this way

Can you go all-in with fashionable hats or scarves? Also wear nice clothes. That makes a huge difference.

Your mother loves you. She doesn't think you're ugly.

It’s interesting to me that out society embraces conversations about being in different identity groups with shared experiences but there is no conversation about how unattractive people get treated. Transgender and you’ve got instant political credibility but ugly and nobody cares.

How old are you now?

I may have some practical advice. An athletic body is viewed as attractive. I know a woman who has a very unattractive face. Yet, she always works out, has a great body, and wears little clothes. People gush about how cute she is.

When I was in middle school and high school I was objectively “not pretty”. I literally looked like a boy, people often would mistake me for a boy.

“ Fine boy you have there” a man once said to me, I said “thank you very much”

It bothered my mom, she tried to get me to wear dresses and earrings.

Really, who care! Being pretty is overrated. Find friends that do think you are beautiful.

There was a time dark skin was not beautiful.

The thing is, I am beautiful and I did make a fine looking boy.

Being pretty is such a stupid societal value. Be nice, be caring, be kind, work hard, do your homework, contribute to society, make someone else feel valued… that’s beautiful


Also, your mom is not lying… you are beautiful to her, let her love you.

Don’t let anybody make you feel less valuable because they judge you by some arbitrary outward physical standard.

Stand tall and be proud and f!ck the haters.

Don’t hibernate but also set good boundaries and recharge alone when needed.

Got that beautiful!

OP keep trying with the hair loss. There are lots of remedies you can look into, and perhaps acupuncture or something.

And I'm so sorry for how you are being treated and how your mom is being unhelpful.

I am sorry. I think it's easier for a parent to see the beauty in their child than it is for others or the child themselves. But a lot of parents think that being beautiful is so important that it's cruel to acknowledge that your child isn't beautiful.

The right thing to do would be for her to acknowledge that while she can see the beauty in you, no you are not conventionally attractive, that the way the world rewards beauty and punishes those who are not beautiful sucks, and that she has faith that you can find your way no matter what. But right now she is sort of gaslighting you.

And you know this. Your heart is telling you that your mom isn't doing the right thing, despite her best intentions.

So I'm sorry, you definitely deserve better than this. But know that there are a lot of people out there like you who will be able to commiserate. (I can't because my mom tended to call me an unattractive b***h).

Thank you

Dear OP,

My daughter has a rare condition and has had very significant facial scarring since she was 5 years old. No matter what, I can almost guarantee you look less “different” than she does.

But she IS beautiful. She radiates confidence and charisma. She knows what she sees in the mirror is not “normal” and she doesn’t care.

Even if there is a problem with your appearance, you can make the decision to love who you are and what you see.

OP, I don't have any advice, but I'm sending you love because it sounds like you could really use a big hug.

Anonymous wrote:Op here

I did see a doctor and a dermatologist. They dont know why I shed the hair. That still hasnt grown back.

Once my ”best friend” took a picture of me and said ”wow u almost looked pretty” . I swear to God.

And my other so called friends would dissect my looks like I asked for it.

dang

Op here

I did see a doctor and a dermatologist. They dont know why I shed the hair. That still hasnt grown back.

Once my ”best friend” took a picture of me and said ”wow u almost looked pretty” . I swear to God.

And my other so called friends would dissect my looks like I asked for it.

Well firstly, see a doctor about why you've lost your hair. See what your options are. Then see a hairdresser to help you work best with what you've got. Secondly, you need to acknowledge that you are more than just your looks. You could be an ugly athlete, scientist, investigative reporter, doctor, lawyer, CPA, teacher, vet, etc. Looks are not a person's entire personality. Thirdly, you need to acknowledge that your relatives are not your former high school peers. I highly doubt your relatives will comment negatively on your looks.

Dear OP,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could hug you. Have you ever spoken to a therapist? I know you're probably thinking that the therapist can't help you change the way you look, but maybe they could be really helpful with learning how to accept who you are, loving who you are, and talking to your family about these feelings you have. You shouldn't have to go through life hating how you look each and every day. I'm sure there are many beautiful things about you, both inside and out.

I wish I could do more or say more to help you, but my best advice to is to see a professional who can help you cope with this bad feelings you're having.

All my best to you, and a wish that you find happiness.

Im really ugly and have been bullied for it alot in high school. People coming up to me saying mean things. Asking me out as a joke and then all the friends start laughing.

Because of this I isolate alot. And im an introvert. And my mom is a very social person and doesn’t get it. She complains about me to me saying that, she never let my sister get away with everything I get away with.

The things ”I get away with” are just not going out, and not seeing relatives. Thats it. And it sucks. But my sister is a pretty girl and was never treated the way I was treated.

They dont get it. When im awake im miserable because all I think is about how ugly I am. And I already was bullied in high school and then when I graduated I lost 50% of my hair. Which was the one thing I would get an occasional compliment about. So no wonder I feel horrible everyday.

How can I make my mom understand? They dont know what ive been through and when i try to tell them i get dismissed cause ”everyone was bullied in high school”.

Thanks