Anonymous wrote:Thx all for the advice-
For the prior poster, I didn’t let him sell any of it. Not switch or games. Why he didn’t take it all in to sell is a good question- I’ll ask him that. I assume (in my opinion) he felt I would discover the switch gone - or maybe - actually I have no idea.
But good advice for strong discipline- we did tell him the least is he has to give me the money he made- which he said ok and wants me to take from his savings- but that hardly makes him feel pain. So I’m still thinking.
He knows he did wrong and said I never let him sell anything so he has no way to make money. We shut that down by saying no excuse. He was sneaky and we are thinking of the punishment.

NP. But your initial post says that you told the 17 y/o you were not giving the switch to the younger kid so he could sell it. Do you mean that the 5 year old could sell it? I'm confused

In any event, if you think the permissions were clear to him (even though they are not to me), he should definitely be punished. He stole from you. Maybe it was just impulsive and immature, and not drugs as others are suggesting, but at 17 he really should know better. Those were not his things to sell so I think he should buy them back, whatever the cost. The money comes from his pocket, not his "savings" , whatever that means. If he doesn't have enough, he needs to get more hours at work, or do chores for you until you are satisfied.

And if all of this about an xbox, I would tell him he's not allowed to have one for now. He used very poor judgment and you need to know you can trust him again before he gets to treat himself to something like an Xbox. Those things can be absolute money pits for impulsive kids. They are expensive, the games can be expensive, and the "in game" purchases add up quickly. It's concerning that his first response was to somehow try to blame you all for stealing because you "never let him sell anything". He needs an attitude shift.

Anonymous wrote:Umm why is he so desperate for money? This story is so fishy.

Yes, this is my first thought. OP worried about old games when her kid’s behavior is screaming drug problem.

Maybe make him rebuy the games with his own money to essentially replace what he stole. They’ll be more to buy than he got from selling them so he’ll have to dig into his own money to replace

Drugs

Thx all for the advice-
For the prior poster, I didn’t let him sell any of it. Not switch or games. Why he didn’t take it all in to sell is a good question- I’ll ask him that. I assume (in my opinion) he felt I would discover the switch gone - or maybe - actually I have no idea.
But good advice for strong discipline- we did tell him the least is he has to give me the money he made- which he said ok and wants me to take from his savings- but that hardly makes him feel pain. So I’m still thinking.
He knows he did wrong and said I never let him sell anything so he has no way to make money. We shut that down by saying no excuse. He was sneaky and we are thinking of the punishment.

Why would you let him sell the switch but not the games? We're you explicit that you were holding onto them for some reason?

Anonymous wrote:OP here- think there’s some confusion here - we cover most all his needs- He wanted to buy a new Xbox.,That’s what he said. We bought him used car, we pay gas, buy his clothes (Nike- whatever brand he wants), we pay his gas, insurance, phone- offer to pay him money to mow, he gets allowance… and he has a job.
So he doesn’t go without.
I didn’t buy him the switch- if you read my post, he bought it for his little brother- I thanked him for kind gesture but didn’t want 5 year old to have a switch - so I paid him in full for what he paid for it and he was fine with that that.

However - he snuck into my closet and stole the games to resale at Game Stop.

I posted earlier about shutting down the phone. Given all this, I still stand by my post. He’s 17 and knew this wasn’t okay. He was sneaking around. If he doesn’t get a swift and painful consequence linked to that action, you will be sending the message that it’s okay to sneak around and take things that are not his and then profit from it. He needs to learn this now. If he doesn’t learn this, he will repeat it at a future job where the consequences will be much more impactful and devastating. You have to lean into the pain this will cause him and your family—he’ll likely throw a fit if his phone is disabled (or car keys taken) for a month or more. It will be uncomfortable. He’ll be a jackass to live with. He won’t appreciate the message you’re sending. But you’ll be fine and will take comfort in knowing that you’re not raising someone who thinks it’s okay to steal from his parent or anyone else.

Sell his phone.

I would be worried about why he is so desperate for money that he would sneak and steal. I hate to say it but this is a red flag. Are drugs a possibility, OP?

That's clearer, OP, thank you. He shouldn't have gone into your closet and, since you paid him for the Switch/games, it wasn't his to sell. He needs to replace it.

OP here- think there’s some confusion here - we cover most all his needs- He wanted to buy a new Xbox.,That’s what he said. We bought him used car, we pay gas, buy his clothes (Nike- whatever brand he wants), we pay his gas, insurance, phone- offer to pay him money to mow, he gets allowance… and he has a job.
So he doesn’t go without.
I didn’t buy him the switch- if you read my post, he bought it for his little brother- I thanked him for kind gesture but didn’t want 5 year old to have a switch - so I paid him in full for what he paid for it and he was fine with that that.

However - he snuck into my closet and stole the games to resale at Game Stop.

Obviously it’s wrong that he stole those games. Also odd that you would expect him to pay you back for a gift you gave him if he sells it. Whole family seems odd about money.

He went into your private space and sold items without your permission?

Yeah, that phone would be shut off so quickly and stay off through the end of August at the very least. If he wants to conduct business, let him get his own phone. I don’t want any nonsense like “How will I reach him? What if he’s in an emergency?” He’ll be fine. We all survived the teen years without phones.

I’m sure he has a laptop. So Wi-Fi would be shut off between 9pm - 9am.

As another poster said, why does he need money so quickly? Is he buying drugs? Is he gambling or buying crypto? What does your gut say?

Umm why is he so desperate for money? This story is so fishy.

First of all, my 17 year old wants money- wants to sell his clothes and electronics - of course at resale, he gets nothing. Told him he can sell what clothes he bought, but clothes I bought for him, because he has a younger brother. - by the way, he has everything he needs and we pay him allowance, etc so he’s not hurting and yes, I appreciate trying to make money.
So that was argument one.
He does have job, but instead of getting more hours at work, he wants easy money.

So now he wants to sell his toys- fine- but in discussing found out he sold four games for Nintendo switch- for like 40 dollars. Problem is- wasn’t his and I’m aggravated.
Back story- He bought Switch from his best friends younger brother for 150 bucks - with 4 games year or so ago for our youngest (5 yrs at time). Although so nice and I told him that, I didn’t want to introduce that yet, so paid my son back for it and told him I’d keep for later when youngest was older.

So pulled out of closet and told my 17 year old- ok I’m not giving switch to our youngest so he can sell it and keep the difference for what we paid. Problem is, he went into my closet, took games without asking and sold them for 40 bucks.
How would you handle.