Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a devoted grandmother myself and my middle grandson looks exactly like my daughter when she was a baby. I have to admit that I did sometimes get pangs when looking at him when he was a baby thinking about my own time as a new mom holding my baby girl.

It wouldn’t keep me from my grandkids but a powerful resemblance is a little painful.

Wow! I am a grandmother and this is disturbing to read.

Why? It doesn’t keep me from being involved or loving him. Just imagine someone handing you a baby that looked exactly like your child when she was a baby. I mean - exactly. It floods you with memories and longings.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a devoted grandmother myself and my middle grandson looks exactly like my daughter when she was a baby. I have to admit that I did sometimes get pangs when looking at him when he was a baby thinking about my own time as a new mom holding my baby girl.

It wouldn’t keep me from my grandkids but a powerful resemblance is a little painful.

Wow! I am a grandmother and this is disturbing to read.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what kind of grandparents they would have been even if their daughter had lived.

This is so true! Maybe they would have been the same.

It’s true. Both grandmothers of my kids are loving, good people. No tragedies in our family. One rarely came to see our kids and stopped visiting all together when they were young. The other has visited twice in 5 years, once for dinner and the other for a weekend. They just got consumed in their own lives socially and would prefer we always go visit them, which isn’t possible since we work and they are retired. It’s hard to understand but you really don’t know how this would have ended up if the parents were alive.

I’m a devoted grandmother myself and my middle grandson looks exactly like my daughter when she was a baby. I have to admit that I did sometimes get pangs when looking at him when he was a baby thinking about my own time as a new mom holding my baby girl.

It wouldn’t keep me from my grandkids but a powerful resemblance is a little painful.

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what kind of grandparents they would have been even if their daughter had lived.

This is so true! Maybe they would have been the same.

Grieving parents don’t always have logic. Maybe they unfairly blame the father because maybe she wouldn’t have been there (where she was killed) if not for him. They lost a part of themselves they will never get back when they lost their child.

You have no idea what kind of grandparents they would have been even if their daughter had lived.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose a child. What I do know is that it’s bordering on gross for you to be posting here asking for strangers to speculate on this tragic situation. For what purpose, OP? Why do you need to understand their reasons for how much/little they interact with their grandchild? It’s gossiping. Just stop.

OP please ignore this negative nasty response.

+1. OP is seeking understanding. That’s the opposite of gossiping and “gross”.

Who knows? It's unfortunate that they are unable to find comfort in his presence. It's so nice that your friend was able to adopt him and provide a loving home.

There's no way for anyone to know why (they may not even know themselves) so I just wouldn't worry about it. People are weird and grieving people are even weirder (in the sense that people often act in seemingly illogical ways).

Was the custody issue contested? Do you think they were upset that they weren't granted custody? Was there a will that named your best friend as guardian?

I don't know, OP. It's definitely hard for me to imagine being in their position and not finding some solace in my relationship with my grandson. But they've suffered an awful loss and it's hard to say.

I know that I am listed as my nieces and nephews' guardian in case my sister and BIL die, as well as our best friends whose relatives live overseas. I have occasionally mulled over how it would be hard to try to facilitate relationships with all these relatives that you're not related to in addition to taking care of these extra children. Good for your BF for trying. That's really all she can do.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s just too difficult for them and too much of a reminder of the daughter they lost. You never know how people will react with the death of a child.

This would be my assumption, too. I could see them more easily ignoring a child they never bonded with then one that was 3+ years old.

Maybe it’s just too difficult for them and too much of a reminder of the daughter they lost. You never know how people will react with the death of a child.

Anonymous wrote:Do they blame her brother for the accident? Could it be misplaced anger at her whole family?

OP here. It wasn’t her brother’s fault. They were hit by a drunk driver.

Do they blame her brother for the accident? Could it be misplaced anger at her whole family?

My best friend adopted her nephew as a newborn after her brother and sister-in-law were killed in an accident. Her sister-in-laws parents have zero interest in their grandchild and have seen him maybe three times in as many years. The little boy looks so much like his biological mother (their daughter) and is really a gorgeous, smart little boy.

Why do you think they don’t want to be a part of his life? Is it too sad for them? My understanding is that they’re good people but had hoped their daughter had waited to get pregnant (she postponed her first year of medical school) but weren’t angry/disapproving.