It's all about the friends, access, and freedoms. Which way does the friend group peer pressure sway?

My son was hanging out with the wrong crowd before freshman year. He tried vaping and smoking weed. I was sick about it. Fortunately, he tells me a lot, and he told me that, otherwise I would not have known (and I think I'm pretty good at detecting that, but nope). He got involved with JROTC and was doing well. He refocused his attention from his social group to excelling in JROTC. It has been such a great thing for him.

There's hope, even if they stumble a bit.

There are various subcultures that oppose drugs and alcohol. Most people think teetotaling is for uncool dweebs, but if your kid gravitates toward social groups outside the mainstream, you can point them towards /expose them to one that supports your objectives.

In the punk scene, Minor Threat started the straight edge movement and there are tons of related bands that also espouse (or used to) clean living.

I was personally okay holding my own against peer pressure for drinking/drugs as a young teen, but it sure helped when I felt like I had the backing of a subgenre once I discovered the punk scene.



Aside from that, as others have said, set a good example. If you don't want your kids drinking, don't do it yourself.

Anonymous wrote:A happy, functional, socially involved, financially secure family life.

Parents in good and functional marriage with no addiction, abuse or adultery

Kids in rigorous academic programs with EC and service commitments. Kids with outside enrichment and academic support..

Be present for your kids and be clued in about their day to day life.

Keep an eye on the company they keep.

Keep them off social media.

Keep an eye on your kids - their physical and mental health, their spendings. Their digital footprint etc.

Here is your answer.

Communication is key. Also I’m a big believer in making it easy for them to be honest. That means moving beyond the “ in our family there will be no drugs/drinking/sex” approach which effectively pushes everything underground and sets them up for high risk situations. If they’re going to believe me that I will come pick them up anywhere/anytime d so there’s no chance of driving while impaired then I cant freak out if they tell me they were at a bonfire where a few beers were being passed around. We talk about safety a LOT. We talk about the possibility of cops showing up to gatherings and what that can look like. My kids know where I stand on these fronts. I know that making decisions about these things will be a part of their teenage years. I won’t consider it a parenting fail if they give all these things a try. But being safe and smart about it is so important and so my approach is to not be judgmental and do my best to keep communication open.

Anonymous wrote:A happy, functional, socially involved, financially secure family life.

Parents in good and functional marriage with no addiction, abuse or adultery

Kids in rigorous academic programs with EC and service commitments. Kids with outside enrichment and academic support..

Be present for your kids and be clued in about their day to day life.

Keep an eye on the company they keep.

Keep them off social media.

Keep an eye on your kids - their physical and mental health, their spendings. Their digital footprint etc.

The kids with the money are the one most likely to be experimenting.

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of this ends up being friend group related. If your kids friends are doing it, your kid is likely doing it too.

+1

A friend group can make or break it.

I think a lot of this ends up being friend group related. If your kids friends are doing it, your kid is likely doing it too.

+1 on modeling good habits. Parents who drink, smoke or use drugs are sending a very mixed message when they tell their kids not to. Along the same lines, even if the parents are abstainers, it’s important not to normalize such behaviors or treat them as humorous (as so often has been on TV and in movies). Using cutesy names like “weed” is also bad. Keeping lines of communication open is also important. You can’t just suddenly start discussing this stuff when the kid starts growing up. You have to lay the groundwork early as with other positive habits.

Anonymous wrote:A happy, functional, socially involved, financially secure family life.

Parents in good and functional marriage with no addiction, abuse or adultery

Kids in rigorous academic programs with EC and service commitments. Kids with outside enrichment and academic support..

Be present for your kids and be clued in about their day to day life.

Keep an eye on the company they keep.

Keep them off social media.

Keep an eye on your kids - their physical and mental health, their spendings. Their digital footprint etc.

Good list 👍🏻

Anonymous wrote:Statistically what is most likely to keep your teenager from destructive behavior?

My twins are 11 and will be in Jr. High next year. I know that everything can start at this age and I want to prepare my kids.

I’m not a scare tactic type parent. I want to arm them with facts and tools. I know I experimented with drugs, alcohol and sex in HS but things are so different now. I’m worried.

I guess you should think back to why you experimented with those things, and then think of what made you do them in healthy/unhealthy ways. Then you can pass down the thinking process that’s most helpful.

A happy, functional, socially involved, financially secure family life.

Parents in good and functional marriage with no addiction, abuse or adultery

Kids in rigorous academic programs with EC and service commitments. Kids with outside enrichment and academic support..

Be present for your kids and be clued in about their day to day life.

Keep an eye on the company they keep.

Keep them off social media.

Keep an eye on your kids - their physical and mental health, their spendings. Their digital footprint etc.

I think the studies are with the sports involvement, as PP suggests.

Also, you have to model good behavior. What you DO (vs say) is vital. Kids are a bit black and white. For example, if you have a glass of wine and drive, you are modeling drinking and driving.

Anonymous wrote:Statistically what is most likely to keep your teenager from destructive behavior?

My twins are 11 and will be in Jr. High next year. I know that everything can start at this age and I want to prepare my kids.

I’m not a scare tactic type parent. I want to arm them with facts and tools. I know I experimented with drugs, alcohol and sex in HS but things are so different now. I’m worried.

Not sure about statistics but being involved in sports year round has helped. My kids are very serious about their fitness and performance, which includes staying away from alcohol, vaping, and drugs.

Statistically what is most likely to keep your teenager from destructive behavior?

My twins are 11 and will be in Jr. High next year. I know that everything can start at this age and I want to prepare my kids.

I’m not a scare tactic type parent. I want to arm them with facts and tools. I know I experimented with drugs, alcohol and sex in HS but things are so different now. I’m worried.