Love them, give them opportunities you can afford and just chill.

It’s funny to me people are so sure they have raised healthy, well adjusted and functioning adults.

Be good role models yourself to start. Be honest, demonstrate discipline, show grit and grace, lead a healthy lifestyle, no phones at dinner table, be kind, be fiscally responsible, etc. in general apples don’t fall that far from the tree.

Let them fail and learn from their failures.

Don't overschedule or pressure them on grades/sports. Good performance and good effort is good enough. If they have superstar talent, it will show itself regardless.

Make them contribute to the household by doing some basic chores from a young age.

Model a healthy relationship and put your marriage above your children. Disagree in front of them, but not in a nasty manner, and show how to resolve differences in a healthy way.

Be as free-range as possible without being reckless -- i.e. no biking without helmets or running into high-traffic roads, but let them walk to the playground or the nearby store. Let them play outside without watching them constantly. Let them stay home alone for short periods once they're ~upper elementary/middle school age.

Anonymous wrote:There isn't much that matters
But ~ don't be an adulterer, an addict or an abuser

+1. It's easy for parents to pat themselves on the back, but so much of it is pure dumb luck. And it's not fair for parents to be under the pressure that every choice they make, every decision (barring truly bad ones), will affect their children as adults.

You can be involved, do everything "right", and still end up with dysfunctional adult children.

Raise them like they lived in 1985.

Anonymous wrote:Free range. Seriously - raise your children with many of the freedoms you were given.

If you're walking distance to school, allow them to walk to school by themselves. By 8 they should be old enough to walk alone.

Let them fail. If they forget to take their homework to school, DO NOT bring it to school. Have them learn to schedule their own time, how to get up by themselves.

Give them chores. A three year old can start to help with the laundry - sorting clothes by color or matching socks. By the time they are in high school, they should be capable of doing their own laundry. Make them get a part time job when they are 16. At younger ages, teach them to mow the lawn. When they learn how to drive, teach them how to put air in the tires, how to change a tire, how to change the oil.

So many of my children's friends had obsessive helicopter parents and now the parents wonder why their children can't function in society.

This. Allow your kids to rise to the challenge. The may fail sometimes, but that is where the growth comes. If you constantly protect your kids from negative experiences, they won’t be equipped to handle what comes up in life.

Anonymous wrote:Healthy, in spite of inherited issues like severe allergies and skin problems, ADHD and HFA, as well as possible dementia, auto-immune diseases and familial breast cancer down the road?

We try. We avoid some pesticide-laden foods by eating the organic versions, we reduce animal fats, and processed foods in general. We avoid plastics, we don't spray insecticides/pesticides on our property, we avoid off-gassing interior furnishings, control our basement radon (important contributor to lung cancer), that sort of thing.

And mentally, we try to keep sharp. Some of cannot function without ADHD meds.

Most important of all, we're a closely bonded family and we love each other.

I think this is excellent advice. I would add that when a challenging behavior arises at different developmental stages - 6, 13 etc make sure that you don't over react and expect them to remain the same. And at those junctures, give them more responsibility. Often acting out is a sign they are seeking more independence, so give it.

I raised my children to question everything, to read everything, to research everything, to stand strong on their personal convictions, to work hard and cheerfully, that nothing is free in this world, and if it's worth having, it's worth working for, and I do not pay for college. That is an adult responsibility, and at 18, you are an adult. I told my kids to live their lives their way, to live below their means and be practical, buy good, used vehicles and learn to fix them yourself, keep God as your fixed point, and drive it like you stole it. If you get arrested, I'm not bailing you out. My youngest is almost 17 and my oldest is 30. 4 boys, 2 girls, six grandchildren, my five oldest are independent adults who do not need me. I am free to go my own way and do my own thing, because they have been taught well and they all hit the ground running before 18. My 17 yr old works full time and handles all of his business without my input. He's moving out in 2 months. He's ready to fly.

Read the book, "How to Raise an Adult" by Julie Lythcott-Haims. I really enjoyed it and wish I'd read it when my kids were younger.

There isn't much that matters
But ~ don't be an adulterer, an addict or an abuser

Healthy, in spite of inherited issues like severe allergies and skin problems, ADHD and HFA, as well as possible dementia, auto-immune diseases and familial breast cancer down the road?

We try. We avoid some pesticide-laden foods by eating the organic versions, we reduce animal fats, and processed foods in general. We avoid plastics, we don't spray insecticides/pesticides on our property, we avoid off-gassing interior furnishings, control our basement radon (important contributor to lung cancer), that sort of thing.

And mentally, we try to keep sharp. Some of cannot function without ADHD meds.

Most important of all, we're a closely bonded family and we love each other.

Teach your kids critical thinking skills and to not be too sensitive.

Free range. Seriously - raise your children with many of the freedoms you were given.

If you're walking distance to school, allow them to walk to school by themselves. By 8 they should be old enough to walk alone.

Let them fail. If they forget to take their homework to school, DO NOT bring it to school. Have them learn to schedule their own time, how to get up by themselves.

Give them chores. A three year old can start to help with the laundry - sorting clothes by color or matching socks. By the time they are in high school, they should be capable of doing their own laundry. Make them get a part time job when they are 16. At younger ages, teach them to mow the lawn. When they learn how to drive, teach them how to put air in the tires, how to change a tire, how to change the oil.

So many of my children's friends had obsessive helicopter parents and now the parents wonder why their children can't function in society.

Please share all your strategies, tips and tricks!