Anonymous
07/24/2022 12:49
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
OP, which suburbs are you considering? They are not all created equal. Also, where do you and DH work? (What part of the city?)
Anonymous
07/21/2022 14:00
Subject: Re:City vs. Suburbs - argh!
Anonymous wrote:City kids and suburban kids live different lifestyles. Most suburban NYC high schools seem to really emphasize sports. If your kid is a great athlete, that's a good thing. Overall, you're going to find better facilities and more free opportunities in the suburbs than in City schools. It also tends to be the athletes who get into top colleges, at least if you have no other hooks like URM, legacy, potential big donor parents, etc.
There are sports teams in City high schools--especially if your kids are at private schools-- but jocks aren't at the top of the social pyramid. Lots of kids are into performing and visual arts, and more academic/intellectual activities, e.g., chess. Those things also exist at some suburban schools, but they just don't have the social cache sports do at most schools. In the City, sports aren't valued more than the other stuff---in fact, at many City schools they are valued less.
City kids also can get around on their own or with a small group of friends from an earlier age. Drinking and driving during the teenage years are a non-issue in the City. And if your kid does go to a party or other get-together where things get out of control, it's easy to get out of a bad situation by going to the nearest subway or calling Uber or Lyft. There's no need to call for a parent and wait.
Also, don't assume you have to send your kids to private schools. One thing Adams has backed off from is shutting down the gifted and talented programs in public schools. There are good public schools in the City. If your kids are lucky enough to get into the Anderson Program, Hunter Elementary, NEST+m etc. there's no need to go to private school. Lots of local public schools, especially those with gifted and talented, are just fine too. For high school, personally I think that if you've got a smart kid who can get into either one of the test in schools like Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, Hunter, Staten Island Tech, Stuy, etc. or one of the top schools using different admissions criteria, like Bard Early College, Townsend Harris, etc. there's no need for private school.
Plus, should the social scene at your kids' schools be less than ideal for them, it's really easy to participate in other ECs and make friends through them. It is my impression--it may vary by suburb--that many more suburban kids lead social lives limited to other kids who attend the same school. The exception seems to be athletes who may become close with other members of their traveling teams. City kids tend to know more kids who attend other schools, either through the neighborhood, participation in a religious congregation, or ECs that involve kids from many schools, e.g., TADA!.
It's a personal/family choice. If I'd had a kid who was a terrific athlete, I think suburbia might have been a better choice. But for a kid whose strengths were in other areas, I don't.
I grew up on Long Island and have at least a dozen cousins going through various school districts in Nassau and Suffolk and have not found the sport thing to be true. Academics and music are bigger than sports in most school districts. Intel science fairs/ competitions, NYSMA, etc. That was the focus when I was a kid, and seems to be the focus of my cousins now, along with community fund raising and school plays. Basketball is bigger than football, but people aren't really into it in a big way. Nobody knows who the cheerleaders are, nobody goes to games unless they're playing in them, etc.
Anonymous
07/21/2022 13:55
Subject: Re:City vs. Suburbs - argh!
City kids and suburban kids live different lifestyles. Most suburban NYC high schools seem to really emphasize sports. If your kid is a great athlete, that's a good thing. Overall, you're going to find better facilities and more free opportunities in the suburbs than in City schools. It also tends to be the athletes who get into top colleges, at least if you have no other hooks like URM, legacy, potential big donor parents, etc.
There are sports teams in City high schools--especially if your kids are at private schools-- but jocks aren't at the top of the social pyramid. Lots of kids are into performing and visual arts, and more academic/intellectual activities, e.g., chess. Those things also exist at some suburban schools, but they just don't have the social cache sports do at most schools. In the City, sports aren't valued more than the other stuff---in fact, at many City schools they are valued less.
City kids also can get around on their own or with a small group of friends from an earlier age. Drinking and driving during the teenage years are a non-issue in the City. And if your kid does go to a party or other get-together where things get out of control, it's easy to get out of a bad situation by going to the nearest subway or calling Uber or Lyft. There's no need to call for a parent and wait.
Also, don't assume you have to send your kids to private schools. One thing Adams has backed off from is shutting down the gifted and talented programs in public schools. There are good public schools in the City. If your kids are lucky enough to get into the Anderson Program, Hunter Elementary, NEST+m etc. there's no need to go to private school. Lots of local public schools, especially those with gifted and talented, are just fine too. For high school, personally I think that if you've got a smart kid who can get into either one of the test in schools like Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, Hunter, Staten Island Tech, Stuy, etc. or one of the top schools using different admissions criteria, like Bard Early College, Townsend Harris, etc. there's no need for private school.
Plus, should the social scene at your kids' schools be less than ideal for them, it's really easy to participate in other ECs and make friends through them. It is my impression--it may vary by suburb--that many more suburban kids lead social lives limited to other kids who attend the same school. The exception seems to be athletes who may become close with other members of their traveling teams. City kids tend to know more kids who attend other schools, either through the neighborhood, participation in a religious congregation, or ECs that involve kids from many schools, e.g., TADA!.
It's a personal/family choice. If I'd had a kid who was a terrific athlete, I think suburbia might have been a better choice. But for a kid whose strengths were in other areas, I don't.
There are sports teams in City high schools--especially if your kids are at private schools-- but jocks aren't at the top of the social pyramid. Lots of kids are into performing and visual arts, and more academic/intellectual activities, e.g., chess. Those things also exist at some suburban schools, but they just don't have the social cache sports do at most schools. In the City, sports aren't valued more than the other stuff---in fact, at many City schools they are valued less.
City kids also can get around on their own or with a small group of friends from an earlier age. Drinking and driving during the teenage years are a non-issue in the City. And if your kid does go to a party or other get-together where things get out of control, it's easy to get out of a bad situation by going to the nearest subway or calling Uber or Lyft. There's no need to call for a parent and wait.
Also, don't assume you have to send your kids to private schools. One thing Adams has backed off from is shutting down the gifted and talented programs in public schools. There are good public schools in the City. If your kids are lucky enough to get into the Anderson Program, Hunter Elementary, NEST+m etc. there's no need to go to private school. Lots of local public schools, especially those with gifted and talented, are just fine too. For high school, personally I think that if you've got a smart kid who can get into either one of the test in schools like Bronx Science, Brooklyn Tech, Hunter, Staten Island Tech, Stuy, etc. or one of the top schools using different admissions criteria, like Bard Early College, Townsend Harris, etc. there's no need for private school.
Plus, should the social scene at your kids' schools be less than ideal for them, it's really easy to participate in other ECs and make friends through them. It is my impression--it may vary by suburb--that many more suburban kids lead social lives limited to other kids who attend the same school. The exception seems to be athletes who may become close with other members of their traveling teams. City kids tend to know more kids who attend other schools, either through the neighborhood, participation in a religious congregation, or ECs that involve kids from many schools, e.g., TADA!.
It's a personal/family choice. If I'd had a kid who was a terrific athlete, I think suburbia might have been a better choice. But for a kid whose strengths were in other areas, I don't.
Anonymous
07/20/2022 22:13
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
Anonymous wrote:I've raised kids in both. What I found was around 6th grade, it was great to move back to the city. They're over the suburbs and ready to roam around by themselves (with friends) via subway.
This. Cities or close-in suburbs in walkable towns are best. I will never live anywhere car dependent again. It’s awful for kids.
Anonymous
07/20/2022 22:11
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
Anonymous wrote:DH and I moved out to the suburbs with 2 kids during the pandemic. I hate it. I truly feel dead inside. I know plenty of people who love it, but I just hate all this mindless suburban life. We sold, so it will be hard to move back in now. But the minute we can, I am there!
Why does it feel mindless? I ask this as a city person now. I feel like I do the same thing every weekend here in the city too.
Anonymous
07/20/2022 07:36
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
It's ultimately about the commute. Can you stomach that?
Anonymous
07/19/2022 19:56
Subject: Re:City vs. Suburbs - argh!
Honestly, unless the practical considerations are looming particularly large for you (none of which I’m seeing here), you can’t logic your way through this one. What one sounds appealing? It sounds like the suburbs are more appealing to you right now. Trust that. And I say that as a die-hard city person.
Anonymous
07/19/2022 19:46
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
DH and I moved out to the suburbs with 2 kids during the pandemic. I hate it. I truly feel dead inside. I know plenty of people who love it, but I just hate all this mindless suburban life. We sold, so it will be hard to move back in now. But the minute we can, I am there!
Anonymous
07/19/2022 19:37
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
Anonymous wrote:Some people are just born New Yorkers (regardless of their birth city). I am one. I left for a job that was term limited (2 years) with every expectation I’d return the minute the job was done. Fell in love etc and never moved back. It’s been really hard. I have a bucket list of all be item: live in NYC again. My BFF still lives there and raised her 2 kids there. It never would have been a real possibility for her to leave. So if you’re wavering, I’d say you’re not one of us. Nothing at all wrong with that, but it’s just not vital to you. If it’s not vital, there are many pros to leaving, and you’ve id’d them.
+1. I grew up in the city, moved to the suburbs when my first kid turned 1, because that's what everyone did, backyard swings, good schools, blah, blah, blah. I ended up hating the suburban lifestyle, cars and all, and moved back to raise three kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. I am much happier this way. My oldest has already graduated from college and moved out, the middle one is in college. We've had some years when space was really tight, but I don't regret it.
Anonymous
07/19/2022 19:23
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
Some people are just born New Yorkers (regardless of their birth city). I am one. I left for a job that was term limited (2 years) with every expectation I’d return the minute the job was done. Fell in love etc and never moved back. It’s been really hard. I have a bucket list of all be item: live in NYC again. My BFF still lives there and raised her 2 kids there. It never would have been a real possibility for her to leave. So if you’re wavering, I’d say you’re not one of us. Nothing at all wrong with that, but it’s just not vital to you. If it’s not vital, there are many pros to leaving, and you’ve id’d them.
Anonymous
07/19/2022 19:09
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
We stayed. I don't like driving. My husband was not interested in maintaining a lawn. I would have liked more space, but I prefer this lifestyle. Now that my kids are in middle school and high school, they travel to school, to sports and to meet up with friends on their own.
Anonymous
07/19/2022 17:26
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
I've raised kids in both. What I found was around 6th grade, it was great to move back to the city. They're over the suburbs and ready to roam around by themselves (with friends) via subway.
Anonymous
07/19/2022 17:15
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
Once you get out, you won't look back. It's hard to leave the city when you're amidst it, but it's really refreshing to leave.
Anonymous
07/19/2022 17:10
Subject: Re:City vs. Suburbs - argh!
What is your HHI? This is the deciding factor
Anonymous
07/18/2022 21:25
Subject: City vs. Suburbs - argh!
My husband and I discuss this topic pretty much every single day. We have two toddlers and currently live on the UWS. We're in the very fortunate position that we can afford a three bedroom in a nice enough place (though small) and can swing the private tuition for school when the time comes. However, living and raising kids in NYC isn't exactly easy. It's a lot, it's expensive, running errands/getting anywhere takes twice as long as bopping around with a car, and did I mention it was expensive?
We've been spending a lot of time with friends who moved to the suburbs during the pandemic and I can't lie... some things seem so nice. A yard for the kids to run around, maybe even a pool, a car for errands, being close to the beach, everything catering to family and kids. Schools with spacious facilities and playing fields. Suburban grocery stores.
However sometimes I think about not living in NYC anymore and it really pains me. I love this city. We just don't know what to do. I'd love to hear if you had to make a similar decision or what you would do in my position? Any and all thoughts are welcome.
We've been spending a lot of time with friends who moved to the suburbs during the pandemic and I can't lie... some things seem so nice. A yard for the kids to run around, maybe even a pool, a car for errands, being close to the beach, everything catering to family and kids. Schools with spacious facilities and playing fields. Suburban grocery stores.
However sometimes I think about not living in NYC anymore and it really pains me. I love this city. We just don't know what to do. I'd love to hear if you had to make a similar decision or what you would do in my position? Any and all thoughts are welcome.