You would really invoke this for a grandparent visit? Do you hate your ex-DH’s parents?

21:01 poster here. I have ROFR and for good reasons. Of course, it applies both ways. But, my atty and I put it in, and with the time limit we chose, for good reasons.

So no, what OP's ex is doing would not work for me. And at least where I am (I'm not local) judges do not at all appreciate a parent not following the agreements. My exdh has so far followed ROFR, as have I, but if that changed, I'd file contempt.

OP, what is the time limit for ROFR in your agreement?

When you were married, did the grandparents ever stay with the kids or did they do overnights occasionally? If this is something the kids are used to, I wouldn’t interfere. This will only make you look bad and make the kids resent your interference in their relationship with their grandparents. My kids would be pissed at me if I told them they couldn’t stay with their dad’s parents for a rare visit and had to spend the time with me. They get lots of time with me compared to how much they see their grandparents.

Do you never want to have your kids do an overnight with your parents or a sleepover with cousins or friends? If you take the position that any night that a kid is not sleeping in the same house as a parent triggers ROFR than you also have to live by that same understanding and cannot say yes to visits to your own parents/family or even possibly the kids’ own friends. This understanding of ROFR is too restrictive and you don’t want to set that precedent.

Technically, you could argue that he is violating ROFR, but unless the visits are really excessive or you feel the grandparents are unsafe people, it is really not in your best interest to pursue this. What do you think a judge would say if you show up in court because you felt that some overnights with a grandparent violated your custody agreement? They will think you are being petty and wasting their time. It's fine to be annoyed, but save legal action for the big stuff.

Anonymous wrote:Childcare disguised as “grandparent visit”? Example: You know your ex is in need of childcare for work/wedding/you name it, and is using a grandparent for overnight childcare and calling it “time with grandparent”.

What exactly does your agreement say? What are the specific details about when right of first refusal kicks in? There has to be some defined amount of time ex is away from child.

If ex wants to say it’s a grandparent visit, then ex would need to be present with the child at the grandparent home for any time beyond the right of first refusal limit.

My order says 'parent' has to offer the other 'parent' time if child is out of the care of parent for 4 or more hours, aside from school.

So, mine specifically says 'parent'. The 'time with grandparent' can be done within that time. OP look at your order, but it sounds like he has to offer you the overnights first.

I don't have right of first refusal in my agreement, but my understanding is that if you put it it means your kids' other parent has to offer you the chance to keep them before leaving them with someone for longer than whatever amount of time is in the agreement. So, if the that time period is less than an overnight, or one overnight, then he'd need to give you a chance.

I also think that spending time with grandparents is good for kids, so unless I had concerns about the quality of care there, or I had very limited time with my kids, then I'd allow it.

In your opinion, the child cannot see the grandparent unless the parent is also present the entire time?

I used to be bothered by this too but that is when I was trying to control too much. In truth, my kids loved the one on one time.

Anonymous wrote:This would annoy the crap out of me. If my ex wants his kids to spend quality time with their grandparents he should arrange it on his own time, not when he wants to attend a wedding and pawn our kids off on his mom when I could be spending that time with them. No way!

This is the dumbest answer. How is it not on his own time?

I actually think your ex is using his time well. He probably wants to give his mom one-on-one grandparent time and this way he doesn’t reduce the amount of time he gets to spend with his kid. For an overnight, I also don’t think this kick in right of first refusal territory. He isn’t leaving the kids with paid caregivers or strangers. With his time he is allowed to arrange grandparent visits.

Not sure using his parents to babysit for an event, even with one overnight, is considered that he has to have to offer it to you first. If he was going on a week vacation, or a bigger amount of time away, then the right of first refusal should apply. He is entitled to have his parents or a babysitter to watch the children during his legal time with them.

This would annoy the crap out of me. If my ex wants his kids to spend quality time with their grandparents he should arrange it on his own time, not when he wants to attend a wedding and pawn our kids off on his mom when I could be spending that time with them. No way!

Childcare disguised as “grandparent visit”? Example: You know your ex is in need of childcare for work/wedding/you name it, and is using a grandparent for overnight childcare and calling it “time with grandparent”.