Anonymous wrote:I also had my mom come for extended periods when I had an infant. Now she comes at least one weekend every other month to babysit. Even if parents are out of state they will probably want to come help. And don't forget about siblings; grandparents aren't the only ones who can help out.

Did you pay your mother and your siblings?

Mom of 3 under the age of 5 here, with youngest 6 months old. Both our families live far away.

1. adjust expectations. your place does not need to be clean to the same level it used to be. keep it just as tidy as your mental and physical health needs it to be, and no more. also, your days of leisurely project cooking and beautiful meals are probably behind you, and that's okay.
2. ensure your partner steps up. you should not be doing the majority of the tasks. get him/her used to doing all the kid stuff, which doesn't mean that the baby screams the entire time you are getting some "me time". they should be adept at comforting the baby, giving a bottle, etc.
3. find mom friends. this is the hardest, but is really critical. put yourself out there at the music together class, or the library story time, or the playground or whatever, and find a mom or two with kids the same age. I can't tell you how many times I have leaned on my support group to get me through a rough day.
4. if you can, hire help.

Anonymous wrote:Any tips I would appreciate

What is "it" you are talking about? How can anyone help if you are not specific?

The grass isn't always greener. I have family around and they are more work than it's worth. My mom was holding my baby and she ate a bead from a necklace she was playing with. When I found it a week later in her poop, my mom barely cared. My DD fell off the bed and had to get stitches while mom was "watching her". We can't let them sleep over at my parents anymore because they don't follow any rules we give them, like not too much sugar and a completely reasonable bedtime. We have literally come home at 9pm and my 2 year old was eating cookies and watching Sesame Street. Hiring a babysitter = insulting my mother, apparently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not gonna lie...it's super hard but husband and I work as a team as much as possible in all areas. Takes a lot of coordination though and we often long for family nearby.

+1

It's really hard. To me, the worst part wasn't even when my kids were little. I always found covering all of the school-related holidays and events to be more taxing than having backup care when they were young, although things are much better now than when my oldest were young in terms of before and after are and schools out camps.


The best general advice I have as you piece together options to cover childcare or help with the household is that you should not beat yourself up over what does not get done or if you are struggling. When my kids were young, I constantly felt like everyone else was doing a better job than I was, until I realized how many of the people I was comparing myself to had extensive family help.

This. if you can find folks in similar situations who get it, that helps a lot.

Anonymous wrote:^yep, hire your village if you don't have one locally. I used Care.com and it has been great. Also ask your friends if they have a favorite daycare teacher who babysits on the side.

And make friends with other moms because that's where you'll get good babysitter/nanny recs, or offers to help watch the kids.

This is essential. One of the best things when I was a SAHM with two little kids was being part of my mom's club babysitting co-op. As the kids got into ES, trading playdates and babysitting with parents of the kids' friends helped a lot. We also found babysitters through our church's youth group.

Anonymous wrote:Not gonna lie...it's super hard but husband and I work as a team as much as possible in all areas. Takes a lot of coordination though and we often long for family nearby.

+1

It's really hard. To me, the worst part wasn't even when my kids were little. I always found covering all of the school-related holidays and events to be more taxing than having backup care when they were young, although things are much better now than when my oldest were young in terms of before and after are and schools out camps.

The best general advice I have as you piece together options to cover childcare or help with the household is that you should not beat yourself up over what does not get done or if you are struggling. When my kids were young, I constantly felt like everyone else was doing a better job than I was, until I realized how many of the people I was comparing myself to had extensive family help.

Not gonna lie...it's super hard but husband and I work as a team as much as possible in all areas. Takes a lot of coordination though and we often long for family nearby.

Not going to lie, it was pretty awful.

One kid and making friends with other nearby families with kids near in age.

We hired a full time nanny and twice a week cleaning service.

I also had my mom come for extended periods when I had an infant. Now she comes at least one weekend every other month to babysit. Even if parents are out of state they will probably want to come help. And don't forget about siblings; grandparents aren't the only ones who can help out.

^yep, hire your village if you don't have one locally. I used Care.com and it has been great. Also ask your friends if they have a favorite daycare teacher who babysits on the side.

And make friends with other moms because that's where you'll get good babysitter/nanny recs, or offers to help watch the kids.

Hire help.

Any tips I would appreciate