Anonymous
07/06/2022 18:05
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
Anonymous wrote:Everyone isn’t a “hand me down” type. Some insist on new things for a “new child”. To each their own.
Why do you think she is insecure, because she won’t accept your scraps?
Exactly. I love hand me downs bc there are usually some gems and it’s easy to donate the rest.
But my SIL hates hand me downs and always deflects (I have had DH check). Usually she gives some non committal answer like she has to check with her husband before accepting them (?!). So I’ve stopped asking.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 18:00
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
Everyone isn’t a “hand me down” type. Some insist on new things for a “new child”. To each their own.
Why do you think she is insecure, because she won’t accept your scraps?
Why do you think she is insecure, because she won’t accept your scraps?
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:59
Subject: Re:Offended over hand-me-downs
You have to ask before boxing up. I distinctly recall making the offer to my SIL for some clothes after she complained about the cost of dressing her young girls. And with my boys, I ask my sister because she has a 2yo. You gotta ask.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:57
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
Your intentions were “clearly kind” … Apparently not.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:57
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
What did she say or do, OP?
I often don't need the hand-me-downs that friends give me for my daughter, but I don't like to refuse. She usually picks a few she likes and I pack up the rest and give it to Goodwill.
I often don't need the hand-me-downs that friends give me for my daughter, but I don't like to refuse. She usually picks a few she likes and I pack up the rest and give it to Goodwill.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:55
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
Casually mentioned? I don’t believe it.
Sounds like she didn’t ask for it and you’re trying to dump your junk on her.
Sounds like she didn’t ask for it and you’re trying to dump your junk on her.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:53
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
What exactly did she say? Unless she said she was offended, how do you know?
Why are you calling her insecure?
Why are you calling her insecure?
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:52
Subject: Re:Offended over hand-me-downs
I think it was presumptuous to phrase it that way, if you did. To assume she wanted them and to declare you were going to give them to her on your way out since you’d brought them along , without asking. I personally do not like clutter and I’d be annoyed if someone showed up with a box of ANYTHING for me without asking me if I actually wanted it first. That being said , if she responded rudely then she was rude, she should have thanked you and let the box sit in the garage until she made a trip to goodwill.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:52
Subject: Re:Offended over hand-me-downs
Was this the first time you gave her hand me downs? I assume no if he kid is 4.
Shake it off, and don't offer again.
I would not be offended, but everyone is different.
Shake it off, and don't offer again.
I would not be offended, but everyone is different.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:52
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
Anonymous wrote:I brought my SIL a box of tons of very nice hand-me-downs for her 4yr daughter. (J. Crew Cuts, Janie and Jack, Nordstrom, and some from Target)
I casually mentioned that I had a ton of clothes for her in our car when I saw her at a family cookout and that I could give the box to her on our way out.
She was offended... I seriously can't believe this.
I grew up well off yet we still had hand-me-downs go through multiple cousins. I have always accepted hand-me-downs from friends with gratitude.
I am really annoyed with her for being so sensitive and insecure. Am I in the wrong here? She could've just said they didn't need more clothes and I would have been happy to donate them or give them to someone else. My intentions were clearly kind. How could someone get offended over this?
Why didn’t you reach out to her to see if she was interested in them before you boxed them up and brought them to the cookout?
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:51
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
Anonymous wrote:She was offended...I am really annoyed with her for being so sensitive and insecure...
Offended? Sensitive? Insecure?
Hard to tell without knowing what she really said.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:50
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
What did she say? How do you know she was offended?
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:50
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
Why didn’t you ask her if she was open to it before packing them up in the car?
Perhaps the assumption bothers her more than anything else. Has she ever even asked for this or mentioned needing clothes?
Perhaps the assumption bothers her more than anything else. Has she ever even asked for this or mentioned needing clothes?
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:48
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
I could see how someone could be offended.
Anonymous
07/06/2022 17:44
Subject: Offended over hand-me-downs
I brought my SIL a box of tons of very nice hand-me-downs for her 4yr daughter. (J. Crew Cuts, Janie and Jack, Nordstrom, and some from Target)
I casually mentioned that I had a ton of clothes for her in our car when I saw her at a family cookout and that I could give the box to her on our way out.
She was offended... I seriously can't believe this.
I grew up well off yet we still had hand-me-downs go through multiple cousins. I have always accepted hand-me-downs from friends with gratitude.
I am really annoyed with her for being so sensitive and insecure. Am I in the wrong here? She could've just said they didn't need more clothes and I would have been happy to donate them or give them to someone else. My intentions were clearly kind. How could someone get offended over this?
I casually mentioned that I had a ton of clothes for her in our car when I saw her at a family cookout and that I could give the box to her on our way out.
She was offended... I seriously can't believe this.
I grew up well off yet we still had hand-me-downs go through multiple cousins. I have always accepted hand-me-downs from friends with gratitude.
I am really annoyed with her for being so sensitive and insecure. Am I in the wrong here? She could've just said they didn't need more clothes and I would have been happy to donate them or give them to someone else. My intentions were clearly kind. How could someone get offended over this?