OP, I am writing it as someone whose exH carried over a hidden affair at work for 5 years. He also did it on work trips/abroad. In my case it was a strong emotional connection between the 2 of them, so he would not stop seeing her. And I wanted out, too as I didn't want to live as a family with his AP so involved in my marriage forever.

But if your husband is already broken up with that woman, she's already disposed of and irrelevant. Her texting you shows her weakness. Do not break your marriage over some whore. Particular if your husband wants to reconcile, work on the relationship. You have 3 kids to think of ! If otherwise the marriage felt good (no abuse, alcohol, he is a good earner) try to stick it out. Do not confront him openly, do not talk about a divorce. Give yourself time to line up finances, research lawyers, get all statements. Then keep it locked in your drawer until kids are out for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

No. Op’s husband is an ahole for having a three year affair an assuming it would never get out. The other woman is irrelevant.

They're not mutually exclusive, you know. He can be an ahole and she can be a B_____ at the same time. She's worse than the husband anyway. To make HIM suffer she threw an innocent woman under the bus. Not cool.

You are very, very much in the minority for having this opinion.

Personally I would be thanking the OW for telling me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

No. Op’s husband is an ahole for having a three year affair an assuming it would never get out. The other woman is irrelevant.

They're not mutually exclusive, you know. He can be an ahole and she can be a B_____ at the same time. She's worse than the husband anyway. To make HIM suffer she threw an innocent woman under the bus. Not cool.

I'm so sorry. You didn't need or want this.

PP is correct, the other woman is irrelevant. Don't worry about her.

What you need to do is take care of yourself first. That may mean confiding in a good friend who won't gossip, seeing a therapist, making time for yourself to go on vacation or do some self care. Eat, drink water (NOT alcohol).

Take care of YOUR needs. Do not worry about saving your marriage or keeping your husband yet (or maybe never).

You do not have to make a decision now or next week or next month or even next year. Take it day by day. You may already know what you want to do .... but allow yourself the freedom to change your mind.

You do not have to lie to protect your husband. You are of utmost importance right now.

[quote=Anonymous]I just found out that my husband cheated on me for the last three years with his high school sweetheart. They met while he was doing work travel in various cities in hotel rooms. The high school sweetheart reached out to me via text yesterday and told me. It sounds like she was angry because my husband broke it off. We have three teenagers and I am devastated. I do not know what to do[/quote]

Right now - you do nothing except collect information to help you decide your next move. Therapist to help you work through your feelings. A lawyer to explain your legal options. Also, make sure you have all the information about your assets - houses, bank accounts, cars, retirement accounts, etc. Depending on your financial situation, open an account in your name only and put some cash away. Cash and knowledge will give you the most options for when you are ready to make a decision.

If your husband comes home and clearly knows that you know -- don't let him pressure you into any decision until YOU are ready to make one. It will take time for you to figure out what is best for you and your children.

Source: been there, done that.

I’m so sorry.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

No. Op’s husband is an ahole for having a three year affair an assuming it would never get out. The other woman is irrelevant.

I’m so sorry OP. I would be devastated. Have you talked to your husband since receiving the text? I agree with the PP that I would immediately seek out an individual therapist. Start with your (or your husband’s if he carries the insurance) EAP, reach out to the apps like TalkSpace until you can identify a local person.

I know the immediate reaction is normally to tell friends and family but I would urge you to be cautious in how many friends/families you speak to given that you have just found out and are in a very vulnerable state.

You found out yesterday, but you say nothing about your interaction with your husband. And now today you’re asking about what to do.
Try adding in some more information.

Anonymous wrote:Go to individual therapy so you can do what you need to do, whatever that is, from a position of strength.

This. You don't have to decide what you want to do today. Go to therapy and do things to find your own strength, peace and happiness. Also, get your financial affairs in order.

Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

She is a byatch for telling you, and dumb. Show the text to your H, make him feel guilty and use that power to get what you want in family life. Then see how it goes and make decisions later. Don’t act on the spur of the moment. It has nothing to do with you and everything with human nature in general so don’t let it reflect on your self esteem. Good luck!

How did get your number?

Go to individual therapy so you can do what you need to do, whatever that is, from a position of strength.

I just found out that my husband cheated on me for the last three years with his high school sweetheart. They met while he was doing work travel in various cities in hotel rooms. The high school sweetheart reached out to me via text yesterday and told me. It sounds like she was angry because my husband broke it off. We have three teenagers and I am devastated. I do not know what to do