If she wanted to be happy instead of right, she would plan a trip to visit her daughter for her birthday and sop up being celebrated. But she’s focused on the daughter’s milestone birthday, to try to inflict pain.

I agree with 1705 as well who said there is a negative comparison between daughter and son. I wonder if there is a favouritism issue that's been going on a while.

As they say the daughter could send a card but the mom also wants something nice written, my guess is the next complaint would be the words are not nice or mushy enough.

Instead of seeing the majority that is good in her daughter she is hyper focused on one flaw and her own feelings. She can't see past herself.

I feel like the mom is looking for ways to be hurt and critical. Just because she wants to send cards doesn't mean others value it. As she says the daughter calls and otherwise they have contact and yet the mom is still looking for something to be hurt about.

I would say there is more than just an issue about cards. I wonder if the mother says lots of critical or hurtful or judging comments and that's why the daughter stormed out. Or is it more that it feels a bit controlling to have someone demand you act a certain way when what you are doing is perfectly reasonable and fine.

At the end of the day the daughter is trying to talk to her personally on her birthday and the mother is saying, that's not good enough. There is no thought for the effort the daughter made, just a criticism and complaint of what she should have done.

I would say there is a bit of a disconnect or coldness between them and this isn't really about sending a card but the lack of connection between mother and daughter.

Anonymous wrote:"Several years ago I actually asked her why she didn’t think sending me a card was important, and she just ignored the question, and stormed out the room. We didn’t speak for a couple of months."

Yeah, I'm having problems believing that the mere mention of a card would cause this kind of reaction in the DD. Makes no sense.

BINGO

Reading things like this have made me grateful for my own mother. She's not perfect (and neither am I) but she doesn't pull isht like this.

Anonymous wrote:"Several years ago I actually asked her why she didn’t think sending me a card was important, and she just ignored the question, and stormed out the room. We didn’t speak for a couple of months."

Yeah, I'm having problems believing that the mere mention of a card would cause this kind of reaction in the DD. Makes no sense.

I can see it but it's not about the card. It's about a "me" focused mom who has no sense that the daughter is likely overwhelmed and burned out. It's probably about decades of the mom being entitled. If she sent a card, it would be "the card wasn't sweet enough. Your brother and his kids wrote la la la." It's about nothing being enough. It's about a mom who doesn't care that her daughter is probably stressed out.

This is a very self absorbed and petty mom. I doubt the daughter gives a sh$t if the mom sends her cards or not. She probably has a million stressors and can just about keep it together enough to remember to wish mom a happy birthday. Love matters more than material things, but mommy is a bean counter and without a card she does not feel love. Furthermore, she negatively compares daughter to son who does it the :right" way. The daughter probably feels mom's approach is manipulative and it reminds her of a million times the mom has been petty so she refuses to give in.

At some point, if you have an excellent relationship with someone and that person has a flaw, you accept the flaw to experience the relationship that is excellent 90% of the time.

Her daughter fails at this thing (sending cards for these holidays), it has happened this way for decades. They have a close relationship otherwise, mom would be better off just letting this go then getting her hopes up just to be disappointed by what she knows is coming year after year after year.

"Several years ago I actually asked her why she didn’t think sending me a card was important, and she just ignored the question, and stormed out the room. We didn’t speak for a couple of months."

Yeah, I'm having problems believing that the mere mention of a card would cause this kind of reaction in the DD. Makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the card is the mothers love language- words of affirmation - but it’s not the daughter’s, and the daughter doesn’t realize it’s the mom’s.

Then why would she have stormed out of the room and not spoken to her mother for months after she brought it up?

We actually have no idea how the mother actually raised the issue. considering the tit-for-tat BS, I am skeptical she's not emotionally manipulative.

Yep, sorry I don't agree. I doubt the mother knows what the daughter is actually fully going through. Maybe she's got some issues on her end that make it difficult to remember. I myself call my mother 2-3 times a day, and have bought/made nice gifts, taken her to dinner, and brought handmade cards/flowers/etc for most of her life. A couple of years I did none of that because I was going through an intense depression. Fortunately for me, my mother understood that and didn't get hurt. And as she always says, the greater obligation is always on the parents' side, up until death. The parents are the ones who chose to bring that child into the world - not the child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the card is the mothers love language- words of affirmation - but it’s not the daughter’s, and the daughter doesn’t realize it’s the mom’s.

Then why would she have stormed out of the room and not spoken to her mother for months after she brought it up?

With the exception of the card, they have an otherwise delightful relationship. By focusing on the one negative, the daughter may feel the mom is dismissive of her love for her when mom indicates that sending a card is the only way to show that she cared for the relationship.

They both had mis-steps. Mom should look at the big picture and the actual nature of their relationship instead of harping on receiving cards. Daughter should be more responsive to the way mom wants to be celebrated.

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the card is the mothers love language- words of affirmation - but it’s not the daughter’s, and the daughter doesn’t realize it’s the mom’s.

Then why would she have stormed out of the room and not spoken to her mother for months after she brought it up?

Clearly the card is the mothers love language- words of affirmation - but it’s not the daughter’s, and the daughter doesn’t realize it’s the mom’s.

Anonymous wrote:I'd like opinions on this post: https://www.facebook.com/groups/socialqs/permalink/10160236756904040/

This poster claims to not believe in "tit for tat" and yet that is exactly how she lives, and how she plans to teach her DD a lesson. It's a good bet that's what her DD is doing to her by not sending cards and gifts. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'd like opinions on this post: https://www.facebook.com/groups/socialqs/permalink/10160236756904040/