I'm sorry, OP. I'm the PP who asked about your sleep and work situation. I had severe PPD/PPA with my first DD. She had bad reflux and wouldn't sleep unless being held upright, and I went back to work full time at 6 weeks, and it was just a bad situation all around. I kept up a good act in front of everyone but my DH and didn't admit I needed help until she was 10mo, and I'll always regret that decision. The PPD was a bit better after my 2nd was born because she was a much better sleeper and I decided early on to combo feed so DH could take night shifts. Prioritizing sleep got me through most of it the 2nd time around. So did going out for a walk by myself every time I started to feel overwhelmed.
Your DH sounds very similar to mine, so I understand that struggle, and hopefully, you can make him understand that his sole priority right now is to help you out in whatever way you need at the moment. The patio furniture and similar distractions are the least important thing right now. You are a good mom. You're a great mom. As trite as it sounds, this is just a phase of life, and you WILL get through it.
Call your OB first thing in the morning. Push to be taken seriously. Demand it. You shouldn't have to wait months to get some help.

You are a good mom! It feels hard because it is hard.

Please do call your ob and get on meds. They will help.

Sending lots of support your way.

OP. Or like…I’ll take the 6yo out to her activities on the weekend and H will stay home to watch the baby. But he doesn’t see the mess, doesn’t clean, doesn’t think to meal plan and order groceries. He’ll instead work on an art project all day. And I get we need creative outlets, but I don’t have time for any right now, and I don’t get why he thinks it’s okay to spend 8 hours painting.

Anonymous wrote:Call your OB. Tell them everything you said in your post. Do NOT let them shrug you off. Insist that they do something, because they absolutely can.
How much sleep are you getting? Are you back at work?

I do need to get more sleep. I own a business doing mostly freelance, so I was trying to get back to work by 2 months PP. But between a baby, a 6yo (now on summer vacation), and 3 dogs, I’m overwhelmed. I also do most of the housework and cooking, and I just can’t do it all without help. So I’m putting a hold on work at least until summer is over, even though I need the money and I will likely lose all my clients. I’ve been getting up at 4am to work, and today I was so exhausted I didn’t see a giant cone in a parking lot and ran it over. I’m so grateful it wasn’t a person.

I used to be a great mom and now all I do is yell at my kid. Today at the park I freaked out and had a huge meltdown in front of people, the baby was screaming, I had brought one of the dogs since they’re being neglected and she started going crazy (understandably, they’ve been cooped up the last 4 months). I started screaming and crying, a nice woman asked if I needed help. I’m so embarrassed by it.

H is frustrating me. I’m trying to be grateful for what he does, but often I feel that it puts more work on me. We got a house with a yard before the baby was born so the dogs could have room to run and we could ease up on walks. But now H decided he doesn’t want them in the yard because he doesn’t like them. He also keeps blocking them off of more areas of the house, so they are basically confined to a hallway. So now there’s all this pressure on me to train and exercise them, and I can’t do it and take care of 2 kids including an infant. Plus most of the cleaning and all of the cooking. And like, he’s been up until midnight the last 3 nights putting together patio furniture. Which I appreciate. But then he sleeps in, doesn’t help with the dogs, doesn’t help with the kids. It’s like, I don’t need patio furniture, I need help. I finally broke down today and told him I can’t do it anymore, I can’t keep taking care of everyone else’s needs and especially when he’s always off doing whatever he wants.

Op please go to the er and call your ob. They can give you something. Please please stay safe and keep us updated.

This is what I did in the same situation:

1) Joined a mom group. This wound up being harder than I thought it would be but I persevered because I was doing very poorly and really needed it. I wound up going to a group at the local breastfeeding center that allowed drop-ins. It didn't meet all my needs and I actually retained zero friends from that group but just going and being other women who were also struggling with various aspects of being postpartum was really good for me.

2) Went to the first therapist who had availability, even though I had to pay out of pocket (used my HSA, so that helped some) and it was a 30 minute commute from my house. If I waited for someone near me or who took my insurance, I'd probably still be waiting. I did not like my therapist that much and quit after 6 months. But like the mom's group, it was enough to just be doing something and talking through some stuff, even if I never really clicked with that therapist.

Have you looked into one of the app-based therapy services like Better Help? It's not free but I think some people can get reimbursement through insurance (or you might be able to use an HSA) and since it's remote, you should be able to match with a therapist quickly. Might even be helpful because I know for me, my PPD would often hit at 3am when I was up nursing or trying to get my baby back to sleep in her crib, and I would have liked being able to send a message to my therapist in that moment. Often by midmorning I'd have gotten it together enough to not feel quite so desperate, but then the really awful feelings and thoughts would return the next night. So being able to have an outlet in that moment would have helped me.

Good luck, OP. I know it's hard but you will get through it and it's worth it when you did. I'll tell you what my OB said when I reached out for therapist referrals: the reason I know you're going to be okay is that you are reaching out now, when you need help. Being willing to ask for help is the surest sign that you will figure out how to get through this. You can do this.

1. Start a medication trial with your OB.

2. Find a psychiatrist who can help you continue the medication trials until you find one that works. Sometimes it takes more than one try. There is one that will work - but it’s trial and error to find one so try to be patient with yourself.

Please be honest with the psychiatrist about your suicidal thoughts. They won’t judge you, it will tell them how urgent it is.

Ask your OB and your psychiatrist (when you find one) to help you find a therapist with immediate availability.

You are a good mother, and you are doing a good job. This is hard.

Your OB can write your a script for an antidepressant. You don’t need a therapist for that. And PPD is one situation where I think medication should be the first line treatment because it’s a biological cause - talk therapy isn’t going to address the hormones causing your depression.

Call your OB. Tell them everything you said in your post. Do NOT let them shrug you off. Insist that they do something, because they absolutely can.
How much sleep are you getting? Are you back at work?

Are you willing to do a virtual visit?

Ask your doctor for help getting help.

If you're having suicidal thoughts you should go the ER.

I'm sending you big big hugs. You can get through this.

Go to the ER if you have to.

Please call your OB and PCP for an urgent appointment. They can help get you started. Hugs to you.

I’m 4 months PP and my PPD has been getting worse. I also have a 6yo.

I live in a small town and I’m on the wait list for every therapist, but all are at least a 3 month wait (and frustratingly, they seem to misplace their waitlist, as I’ve often called back to check and find out I have to start all over).

From the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep I’m overwhelmed. I’ve been crying for 2 days nonstop. It’s freaking out my 6yo and H, who stayed home today to keep an eye on me. I’m also having suicidal thoughts.

I know it’s mostly hormones and will get better, but in the meantime I feel so hopeless.

My newborn has their 4 month checkup on Friday and I’m dreading it because they make me fill out a PPD screening and then tell me to get help. Which makes me feel worse, because I’m trying to.

Anyone been there? What did you do?