If she's a big proponent of secrets, would she actually have shared this information? It sounds to me like she herself has a hard time keeping things to herself? Maybe?

Anyway, whether or not I told my husband would depend on the information. If I really needed to process it, I'd tell (but I also would try not to lie to my mom and say that I was going to keep it a secret).

But also I try to make it easy for people to keep secrets. If somebody seems reluctant to tell me something, I say "hey it's fine if I don't hear it, don't feel like you have to tell me if you're not comfortable with that."

Tell her her insistence on this being a secret is too much. Remind her you don't keep secrets from your DH but that these issues is not something he's going to be remotely invested in anyway. I'd remind her that if the aunt/cousin's business is so private then she probably shouldn't even be telling you. Tell her to just let it go and they'll involve you if they need something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do keep friend's secrets from him. If my friend tells me she's going through a scary divorce and asks me not to tell anyone, it does her no good and me no good to immediately tell
My dh. If someone asks you not to tell, and it has nothing to do with you and your life, I would keep it to yourself.

Same

Also same. Things that aren’t mine to tell - why would I share those with my husband?

Of course you can tell your husband. Ignore her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do keep friend's secrets from him. If my friend tells me she's going through a scary divorce and asks me not to tell anyone, it does her no good and me no good to immediately tell
My dh. If someone asks you not to tell, and it has nothing to do with you and your life, I would keep it to yourself.

+1. I do not keep my secrets from him, I keep other people's secrets from him.

OP again. Yes to this. If someone tells me something in confidence then of course I honor that. But this is different. This is something about a random family member and my mom is just embarrassed about it.
I did tell her I won’t lie if it comes up one day. She then asked why on earth it would come up. And then - if it does come up, just say that she is going through some hard times and I don’t know the details.

Correct me if I’m wrong, mom, but that’s lying.

Anonymous wrote:I do keep friend's secrets from him. If my friend tells me she's going through a scary divorce and asks me not to tell anyone, it does her no good and me no good to immediately tell
My dh. If someone asks you not to tell, and it has nothing to do with you and your life, I would keep it to yourself.

+1. I do not keep my secrets from him, I keep other people's secrets from him.

Anonymous wrote:I do keep friend's secrets from him. If my friend tells me she's going through a scary divorce and asks me not to tell anyone, it does her no good and me no good to immediately tell
My dh. If someone asks you not to tell, and it has nothing to do with you and your life, I would keep it to yourself.

Same

I do keep friend's secrets from him. If my friend tells me she's going through a scary divorce and asks me not to tell anyone, it does her no good and me no good to immediately tell
My dh. If someone asks you not to tell, and it has nothing to do with you and your life, I would keep it to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:It’s like she read my mind. I just got a barrage of texts out of the blue starting with the double exclamations about not telling DH again, followed by more details about what’s going on with the cousin. I’m going to respond to her that I hope things will get better soon but there’s no reason to be yelling in her texts and I won’t go out of my way to tell him but I won’t lie either if it comes up one day.
Wish me luck this won’t go well. Yes my mom is insane, much like a lot of moms on this board. I’ve been married over 20 years so it’s not like DH isn’t one of the family.

Honestly, I wouldn’t respond at all. Then put your phone/texts on mute. Stop feeding the drama.

What you tell the wife, you tell the husband.

Nope. He knows where the bodies are buried.

It’s like she read my mind. I just got a barrage of texts out of the blue starting with the double exclamations about not telling DH again, followed by more details about what’s going on with the cousin. I’m going to respond to her that I hope things will get better soon but there’s no reason to be yelling in her texts and I won’t go out of my way to tell him but I won’t lie either if it comes up one day.
Wish me luck this won’t go well. Yes my mom is insane, much like a lot of moms on this board. I’ve been married over 20 years so it’s not like DH isn’t one of the family.

Anonymous wrote:Put it on her. Tell your mom that you don’t keep secrets from your spouse. In the future, she should keep
secrets to herself.

This. You’re not beholden to her request. Just because she tells you not to tell your spouse doesn’t mean you have to abide. If she didn’t want him to know, she shouldn’t have told you.

BTW, there’s no need to make an announcement about this. Just go about your business.

Put it on her. Tell your mom that you don’t keep secrets from your spouse. In the future, she should keep
secrets to herself.

We don’t but my mother is a big proponent of them. Last night she hesitantly told me what’s going on with my cousin, her sister’s daughter, and promptly exclaimed “don’t tell anyone, not even DH!!” (It was in a text, hence the exclamations.) To me, that’s ridiculous. I’m not one to air our family’s dirty laundry and I’m not a gossip anyway. But to hide it from DH, who won’t do anything with the information except be someone I can talk to about the situation, seems unnecessary.
It’s not just a juicy story, it’s the reason my parents are suddenly going to be flying across the country in a few days to help out my aunt and cousin. So my mom is asking me to basically hide all this from my husband. I probably will tell him but wondering what others do in this situation.