Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

I don't honestly remember. Most likely she asked, and we answered. It's hard to be evasive on direct questioning, and my son would have told her if we hadn't.

Actually, it was my son's idea to have brunch with me, my husband and daughter.

He hasn't heard anything about grandma's plans - that communication is going through my husband. She hasn't reached out to my son.

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

THIS. Your DH needs to stop casually mentioning that Johnny will be visiting you all unless you are ready for her to drop everything and come.

Also you need a firm response about how she was not invited "Oh Madge, I'm sorry, but we won't be able to host you at brunch too, but we'll see you on Monday like we discussed."

Anonymous wrote:How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Notice that OP won’t answer this question: How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

If you told her, that’s on you.
If DH told her, that’s on him.

If YOUR SON told her, and he wants to see her, then THAT is what “rules the day.” It’s his time home and he should see the people he wants to see during the visit. If you don’t like that, take yourself out to the movies or get your nails done.

Your kid is college aged. What does *he* want? Does he like you micromanaging his time and relationships?

You need to work on your jealousy about their relationship, which is separate from his relationship with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn’t it occurred to you that your son should have a voice in this?

We've discussed this before. He loves his grandma, but thinks she has poor boundaries, and wants us to enforce them when we can.

On this given Sunday, not sure he would care one way or the other, so my husband and my preferences are what will rule the day.

But you do not know this unless you ask.
If you do not want to host her then just say that, but if she is coming to visit him, take him somewhere that is between them. He is a young adult who needs to learn how to manage his relationships.

This isn’t about you, it’s about your son. If he wants her there let her come

Control the info, control your life, OP.

Where is she getting her information? Once you know this, you can stop it from happening in the future.

For this weekend, you can just lie. She does not deserve the truth.

Anonymous wrote:Why hasn’t it occurred to you that your son should have a voice in this?

We've discussed this before. He loves his grandma, but thinks she has poor boundaries, and wants us to enforce them when we can.

On this given Sunday, not sure he would care one way or the other, so my husband and my preferences are what will rule the day.

Why hasn’t it occurred to you that your son should have a voice in this?

Anonymous wrote:Tell him your kid changed his pants and won’t be in the area after all.

Why stop at pants, tell her he changed his shirts too!

Just saw “that won’t work for us, I’m sorry we’re going to miss you. Safe travels.” Don’t get into you only see your son every so often etc. She’ll find a way to trump that and guilt your husband further.

How is she “finding out” your son’s plans?

Loose lips sink ships. Don’t tell her anything unless you want to see her. And if your son actively wants to see her, that’s fine, but you don’t have to be around. Go on a spa weekend. He’s not a baby.

Tell him your kid changed his pants and won’t be in the area after all.

Tell them you want some alone time with your son, since you haven’t seen him for months. Just tell them the truth. Your husband should not put their feelings ahead of yours. It sounds like you’re only going to see him for a few hours, and I think your feelings are understandable.

My MIL is obsessed with my son (and no, I'm not even complaining about how damaging this is to my daughter, both kids are college-aged). She has a long history of altering her plans so that she just "happens" to be in the area when she thinks she can see him, figuring we won't be able to say "no". She has no respect for boundaries. In the past she would announce she was going to visit for the weekend, and for the fourth weekend in a row, where my husband explained that it just wouldn't work, she had my father-in-law make up some story. Now they were going to be driving through on Monday, but she found out that my son is coming in Saturday night (9 p.m.), is going out with friends, and plans on hanging out with us on Sunday for brunch. He has a train ride to his summer internship that leaves at 2:30 p.m. My MIL has announced that she just happens to have changed her plans and will be driving by on Sunday. I don't want them to stop by for brunch. I feel like I get precious little time with him, and haven't seen him for months (whereas they have already swooped in to his college town to visit recently). It just isn't the same dynamic hosting them - I always get pushed to the background. My husband wants to be the nice guy, and just allow them to show up. I'm on the fence - suck it up, or put my foot down. Any advice?