My DH went through a phase where he freaked out about furniture. It was so weird. Turns out it was anxiety. He addressed the anxiety and then picked out the next thing we bought - a $1200 leather chair from PB.

I’d ask more questions before splitting over something like this; but, at the same time, I would not stay in a marriage to a spouse who thinks they get to “forbid” me from anything. What is it you want from your life and marriage, OP?

You can divorce for any reason you like.

Early in my marriage (granted, we were mid 20s, not mid 30s) my husband didn't understand my love of jewelry. When we got engaged I gave him my grandmother's diamond to set in a plain engagement ring and got a plain gold wedding band because my husband was pretty poor. Meanwhile, I got him a platinum band that cost 8x as much. When I wanted to spend about as much as his platinum band on a diamond band for our one year anniversary, my husband was weirdly unsupportive. He had a little tantrum and accused me of being materialistic, basically. It turns out he was embarrassed that I would want something like that for a "small" anniversary and felt like people would judge us. Anyway, lots to unpack there. We were young. We figured it out, eventually. I have plenty of baubles now, lol, and an account just for buying more.

When someone who doesn't have good self-awareness decides that a small thing actually means a big thing, it can blow up like what you are describing. The issue isn't really the furniture but whether you can both figure out why you're misaligned here and find a way to meet in the middle. If he's got issues about replacing furniture tied up in ideas of self-worth and personal values then he'll need to unpack those in order to understand your point of view. Meanwhile, model being the kind of spouse you want him to be and try to understand why this upsets him so much.

I don't remember an antique side table thread, but if that was you, maybe you are leaving out some details?

In any event, back to my first sentence . . . of course you can end the relationship. If he doesn't value your opinion or strive to make you happy, then it doesn't sound like the relationship for you. Just make sure you're looking at your part in this dance as well.

OP here. We have the money, but he is certain that any aesthetic upgrades are pointless and a waste of money. Nevermind the fact that it causes me deep distress to live in a space that isn't furnished like a normal adults apartment should be. Before I even provide him with options, he will exaggerate and say that he does not want me to "spend thousands on a table" and lecture me about being frugal.

My ex husband is like this. He refused to pay for landscaping because he “could do it himself”. Now the entire place is overgrown and I’ve had to pay thousands to get it back to what it was. The kids can’t go to camp, or do extra curricular activities. On and on. Get out. Life it too short.

Ha. My dad was like this. My siblings and I slept on mattresses on the floor because my dad thought bed frames were pointless. His second wife did not put up with that. The first thing she did when they got married was buy a regular to replace the card table he was using. My dad didn’t complain.

Unless this is the *only* thing he is so absolute and uber-controlling about (doubtful, but perhaps he had a traumatic event with an antique side table as a child?), I think you have bigger problems in your marriage than crappy furniture.

You should get a divorce because you’re too immature to be married if you can’t come to a resolution on this.

I understand what you mean. In my case, the furniture was a huge issue, and it was one of many things that he was ultra controlling about. I decided to take a freelance gig on the side and didn't mention it. I saved up $20k over several months, and spent a large part of that on new furniture. He didn't ask many questions since I was paying for everything. We did eventually divorce due to his controlling nature.

Yes but why not just go buy a new couch?

"forbids" you? Do you have a job? Use the money you earn to buy what you want.

Yes you can for any reason. Don’t be all talk no actions OP.

He sounds like a loser.

Are you the person who only wanted antique side tables costing thousands of dollars, but wouldn't accept them as a Christmas gift because they were "for both of you"?

No. Sorry.

Since we have been married 5 years ago, my husband has refused to let me furnish our apartment. He thinks any suggestions regarding side tables or re-upholstering our told tattered dining room chairs is a waste of money and actively forbids me.

I am SO angry about having to live like a college kid at 35 years old. I want to leave.