Anonymous wrote:I have a 20 month old and a 3.5 yr old. I have both kids every morning from 6 to 8:30 and another half hour talking to my older child on the way to school. We have a great nanny and I work from home (and am still nursing her) so I see her when she’s back from park with nanny, lunch, nursing. Nanny takes little one to pick up older one at school and then takes both to the park. Home at 4:30 and nanny leaves. DH is home and we have the kids from 4:30 to 7:30 for dinner, bath, books, cuddles.

So six hour minimum during the week and all day (12 hours a day) Saturday and Sunday. We, as I said, have a nanny who takes care of all the kids chores and a weekly house cleaner. Because of that, my time with my kids really is fully engaged with my kids.

I think the “engaged” part is key. I’m a SAHM without anything outsourced and I doubt I get six hours of engagement a day with my toddler. Obviously I am with her 12 waking hours a day.

I have a 9-year-old.

On a typical weekday I spend anywhere from 4-7 hours with her. Not like I'm entertaining her that whole time or that DH isn't also there most of that time. On a typical weekend it's more like... 10 hours on average? That's time I'm at least accessible to her, probably doing something with her or parallel to her that doesn't involve either of us on devices or anything.

There are times I am just really busy between work and hobbies/friends/etc. and/or she has some additional special activity, something she's doing outside the house with DH or a friend, and so on. A day where we're really ships passing would be 1-2 hours on a weekday or 3-ish on the weekends.

But I think a good minimum would be more than that-- we start getting out of synch when we don't have time to connect. If she seems to be acting like a jerk, it's almost always because she hasn't had enough time with me (or DH, or both).

So a good "minimum" would probably be about 3-4 hours on a weekday, and more on a weekend.

I think that sounds like a lot, but it's not (for us). 1.5 hours hanging out, eating, getting ready in the morning, with some "special" time to read together or play a game or something. Plus 1.5 hours like that around dinner and/or an hour around bedtime? That's 3-4 hours right there.

We are lucky we can do that, but even my extremely busy parents, who worked long hours and had me in aftercare, each probably had 2-3 hours with me like that on a weekday.

It’s not a per day thing. There have been days when I’ve only seen my kid at bedtime. Not often, but on one off days where I have an event and have to leave very early and only get home right before bed (and sometimes only because DH has delayed bedtime by 30 minutes so I can do tuck in). If that was every day or even a regular occurrence, I’d be devastated— missing too much. But it just a few days a year. Often when this happens I make it up on the weekend by doing special 1:1 time. Plus I think this solo time with dad is actually good for their relationship too.

It would even be fine (though a bit sad) if I didn’t see my kid at all those days. Again, she’s with her dad, it’s not like she’s sitting around waiting for me. It’s a day.

Now, in terms of day to day, I aim to spend 2-3 hours with my kid every day, including at least 15-30 minutes of 1:1 time. She’s young and I really value this time and feeling connected with her. There will come a day when it’s less, but I’m hoping not until middle school at the earliest. Even when we’re both doing our own thing but in the same room, I think there is value.

I have a 20 month old and a 3.5 yr old. I have both kids every morning from 6 to 8:30 and another half hour talking to my older child on the way to school. We have a great nanny and I work from home (and am still nursing her) so I see her when she’s back from park with nanny, lunch, nursing. Nanny takes little one to pick up older one at school and then takes both to the park. Home at 4:30 and nanny leaves. DH is home and we have the kids from 4:30 to 7:30 for dinner, bath, books, cuddles.

So six hour minimum during the week and all day (12 hours a day) Saturday and Sunday. We, as I said, have a nanny who takes care of all the kids chores and a weekly house cleaner. Because of that, my time with my kids really is fully engaged with my kids.

I was thinking about this lately- I always spent as much time as possible with mine. I was an older SAHM and treasured every moment. Hours and hours playing, or hanging in the playground or at the pool or beach and playing lots and lots of games legos toys blocks drawing coloring reading watching tv every thing. Now we have house guests from Europe and their kids are 9 and 17 and. They barely spend any time - eldest is appt boarding school and younger child plays quietly alone 99% of the time. During their visit I am the one who plays with her! They said she was doing dance after school for a while but now they don’t have time to drive her around.

Huh! I guess everyone is different.

Anonymous wrote:Are you just talking about weekends? Weekdays I spend about 3 waking hours with my kid between school, aftercare, sleeping

So who’s raising them?

Are you just talking about weekends? Weekdays I spend about 3 waking hours with my kid between school, aftercare, sleeping

I think this is 100% age dependent. My 13 year old spent 10 hours with friends at the pool yesterday. I saw him briefly in the morning, brought him dinner in the evening, and saw him briefly when he returned home before bed. When they were younger we spent hours together in morning and afternoon, but now with middle schoolers it’s pretty much family dinner every night, a few hours a week of hanging out together, and a good amount of trips/family activities sprinkled in. Maybe 2-3 hours a day actually interacting on average across two kids.

Anonymous wrote:Time should not be limited when it comes to your kids.

I’m saying they want to play w/o me. As they age, I sometimes feel disconnected. Sometimes I’m happy they’re playing. Sometimes they want me to hang out and I have an emergency / work to deal with.

It’s a general question and no the answer is not “time is priceless.” While that’s one way of looking at it, and especially in weekends, holidays, when you have time …. What is a practical answer to “At least make sure you spend X minutes together.”

Time should not be limited when it comes to your kids.

5 hours a day with kids 6 and 8.

Anonymous wrote:Are you writing a buzzfeed article ?

No, I am not a writer. I work part-time in medicine. Not with kids, if that pertains to anything.

Are you writing a buzzfeed article ?

Feel free to answer how much time you do spend, but I know that will range from minutes to hours and hours.

What I want to discuss most is ideas around minimum time. Whether that’s they’re too busy for me, or I’m too busy for them, and it may be desired for their independence, or maybe we’re trying to spend more time. *I guess i don’t mind if you do or don’t count meals. I’d say, assume meals are together mostly. But about FREE time, is central to my question.*

Is there a minimum amount of time you would spend with your kids, daily?

Say the cause is a few things, and variable on a given day.
-they’re getting more independent
-they annoyed you and you need to leave the house, while someone watches them
-you’re busy with a house emergency, dishwasher broke or something
-they’re doing fine playing as siblings or friends through the day, and you realize you only saw them at meals and bedtime

My reason is the first and fourth a lot of the time. Sometimes the second

Other days we play for hours and hours at the pool. I’ve simply been curious about this question the last month. My kids have changed their patterns and independence, and I think it’s a good thing.

Supply age and amount of suggested time.