Anonymous
05/29/2022 11:02
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What’s weird is that you ignore her preferences when you host her.
+1
Why not just get gin and tonic? They are so easy to keep in a cabinet (get the mini tonic bottles or cans). As it is, you are showing you can’t be bothered to include her. Her gesture could suggest trying to not make a big deal of this, that she is extremely rigid (like you) or that she is stressed by your gatherings of which this is one symptom to the point that having a cocktail takes the edge off. Or, if the thermos is very large and/or she is visibly drunk at the gatherings that could indicate problematic drinking. But you have only given us engineer information to judge you, not her.
Enough not engineer, sorry
Anonymous
05/29/2022 11:02
Subject: Re:SIL travels with her own cocktails
Agree with others that there is nothing wrong with this at all. Like, at all.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 11:02
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
Anonymous wrote:What’s weird is that you ignore her preferences when you host her.
+1
Why not just get gin and tonic? They are so easy to keep in a cabinet (get the mini tonic bottles or cans). As it is, you are showing you can’t be bothered to include her. Her gesture could suggest trying to not make a big deal of this, that she is extremely rigid (like you) or that she is stressed by your gatherings of which this is one symptom to the point that having a cocktail takes the edge off. Or, if the thermos is very large and/or she is visibly drunk at the gatherings that could indicate problematic drinking. But you have only given us engineer information to judge you, not her.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 11:01
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!
I think it’s weird your family hasn’t accommodated her tastes. I can’t imagine not having what makes my SIL feel included available for her. Especially if it’s as simple as gin & tonic.
+1. My husband gets headaches from certain types of beer, and so my dad makes sure to have non-hoppy beer on hand so that my husband can enjoy a beer without getting a headache.
I’m so embarrassed at you for not realizing that a good hostess makes easy swaps and fixes where or when they can, especially if what’s being served would give someone a headache. I’d be happy to provide alternate food or beverage for my BIL if something I routinely served gave him a headache.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:59
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
You’re a massive hypocrite: you drink alcohol and serve it, but you are judging her for consuming alcohol?
I don’t drink often, but if I’m going to, I’m not going to waste the calories on beer (which I don’t like). She doesn’t like what’s on offer at a *casual event with family,* so she brings her own. No big whoop.
What’s weird is your hyper-fixation on her. Let her live. Get a life and then you won’t focus on her so much.
I don’t drink often, but if I’m going to, I’m not going to waste the calories on beer (which I don’t like). She doesn’t like what’s on offer at a *casual event with family,* so she brings her own. No big whoop.
What’s weird is your hyper-fixation on her. Let her live. Get a life and then you won’t focus on her so much.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:57
Subject: Re:SIL travels with her own cocktails
Anonymous wrote:OP to be clear she does not show other indications of being a problem drinker, but this seemed like a red flag to me.
Not a red flag. No different than a vegan showing up to a barbecue with something they can eat. You seriously prefer that she just abstain rather than bring what she wants? That’s rude.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:55
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
I mean, if she's just bringing her own drink to a party where other people will be drinking but not serving what she likes, sure. This would be weird to make a big deal out of.
If she were getting trashed and tripping over furniture, that's an absolutely different matter entirely. Or if it were a known teetotalling family, and she was being in your face about it, that would be rude.
But just bringing what she likes? Nah.
If she were getting trashed and tripping over furniture, that's an absolutely different matter entirely. Or if it were a known teetotalling family, and she was being in your face about it, that would be rude.
But just bringing what she likes? Nah.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:54
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
What’s weird is that you ignore her preferences when you host her.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:54
Subject: Re:SIL travels with her own cocktails
OP to be clear she does not show other indications of being a problem drinker, but this seemed like a red flag to me.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:53
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
Because beer and wine give her a headache or she’s an alcoholic. I also don’t do well with wine or beer, and if I want a drink I like a mixed one with a vodka or gin base - those sit okay. I don’t care a lot about drinking, so I will have a soda if there’s nothing else. Since you’re too cheap to provide some other alcohol at your family parties, why are you worrying about her BYOB?
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:52
Subject: Re:SIL travels with her own cocktails
Makes sense to me. I see no issue me.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:50
Subject: Re:SIL travels with her own cocktails
I do this all the time. I like diet tonic - no one ever has that.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:50
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
Anonymous wrote:Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!
I think it’s weird your family hasn’t accommodated her tastes. I can’t imagine not having what makes my SIL feel included available for her. Especially if it’s as simple as gin & tonic.
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:50
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
I kind of want to hang out with your SIL. 
Anonymous
05/29/2022 10:48
Subject: SIL travels with her own cocktails
Is this weird? My family are wine drinkers. If we all hang out together, usually there is beer or wine. We had a Memorial Day barbecue weekend last night and she brought a thermos of her own premixed gin and tonic. She says wine and beer give her a headache. Wouldn't you just not drink in this case, instead of BYO to a family gathering where it isn't offered?? I wonder about saying something to my brother just to check in. Like why would you travel with your own booze thermos??!