Anonymous
05/24/2022 20:30
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Anonymous wrote:Is this just another word for codependent?
They get at the same idea, but use different language because enmeshment is more often used to describe dysfunctional family dynamics and codependency refers more broadly to relationships where one partner, or both partners, are relying on one another for emotional stability or, often, simply emotional feedback. Codependency is often used to talk about relationships involving drug or alcohol dependency, or other forms of addiction (often people in recovery will shift their reliance on alcohol or other substance to a reliance on another person, which is why codependency is a major part of recovery vocabulary as well as a big part of the AlAnon program). But they get at a lot of the same ideas around lack of boundaries and emotional reliance.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 20:12
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Enmeshed is like being too involved in a problematic situation.
Your situation is better described as being "close." You have parents close by who are really "involved" with you and the grandkids.
Your situation is better described as being "close." You have parents close by who are really "involved" with you and the grandkids.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 19:49
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Enmeshment (not good) is different than social cohesion (good). A close, loving, and supportive family is a good thing. In the latter, though, bonds are more than likely formed by unhealthy emotions like guilt and shame, your privacy is not respected and you feel as though you are responsible for your family members emotions or happiness.
“You never call, you must hate me. I tried so hard to do everything for you but you can’t pick up the phone? I thought you cared but I guess not”
Vs
“I miss talking to you on the phone, can we schedule a time to regularly catch up? Love you!”
“You never call, you must hate me. I tried so hard to do everything for you but you can’t pick up the phone? I thought you cared but I guess not”
Vs
“I miss talking to you on the phone, can we schedule a time to regularly catch up? Love you!”
Anonymous
05/24/2022 19:08
Subject: Re:What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Enmeshed is a real term that refers to unhealthy family dynamics. It happens- when people's lived are so intertwined that one or more members is incapable of making decisions based on considerations beyond what their other family members would want.
On DCUM, it id OFTEN misused to describe one spouse having a closer relationship with their family of origin than the other, whether or not it is unhealthy. Or generally by someone who is not close with their family in reference to somebody that is.
On DCUM, it id OFTEN misused to describe one spouse having a closer relationship with their family of origin than the other, whether or not it is unhealthy. Or generally by someone who is not close with their family in reference to somebody that is.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 18:59
Subject: Re:What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This whole concept sounds made up, yet I've heard about it twice today on here.
Google is your friend. It’s not made up or even new.
+1. Glad you learned something new today.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 18:32
Subject: Re:What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Anonymous wrote:This whole concept sounds made up, yet I've heard about it twice today on here.
Google is your friend. It’s not made up or even new.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 18:15
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Is this just another word for codependent?
Anonymous
05/24/2022 18:14
Subject: Re:What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
This whole concept sounds made up, yet I've heard about it twice today on here.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 16:34
Subject: Re:What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, PPs are right -- it's the failure to have healthy boundaries and making one another responsible for emotions. Sometimes it flows both ways, with both parent and adult child failing to set boundaries,, sometimes it only flows one way, where one person gets to have boundaries and the other doesn't.
Examples:
A parent sharing intense mental health problems with their adult child, making the child feel responsible for the their parent's mental health issues. I'm not talking about a situation where a parent asks an adult child for help with finding treatment or support in getting treatment for mental health problems. If the parent is taking responsibility for their own mental health but asking for support, that demonstrates good boundaries. I'm talking about a parent who will call their adult child to talk about feeling depressed or even suicidal, who guilts their child out of doing things for themselves so they can stay and take care of the parent, etc. This is an example of role reversal where an adult child is expected to become the parent to their parent.
Enmeshment often takes the form of parents forming alliances with children against other family members. So a parent might form an alliance with an adult child against the other parent, creating a dynamic where the parent and adult child bully or intimidate the other parent into things, or criticize or ostracize them. A parent might also form an alliance with one child against another.
There are lots of other examples. Enmeshment refers to a type of family dysfunction where family roles are reversed or twisted, often to serve one person's needs above others, and to the detriment of others.
Excellent summary, pp.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 16:07
Subject: Re:What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Yes, PPs are right -- it's the failure to have healthy boundaries and making one another responsible for emotions. Sometimes it flows both ways, with both parent and adult child failing to set boundaries,, sometimes it only flows one way, where one person gets to have boundaries and the other doesn't.
Examples:
A parent sharing intense mental health problems with their adult child, making the child feel responsible for the their parent's mental health issues. I'm not talking about a situation where a parent asks an adult child for help with finding treatment or support in getting treatment for mental health problems. If the parent is taking responsibility for their own mental health but asking for support, that demonstrates good boundaries. I'm talking about a parent who will call their adult child to talk about feeling depressed or even suicidal, who guilts their child out of doing things for themselves so they can stay and take care of the parent, etc. This is an example of role reversal where an adult child is expected to become the parent to their parent.
Enmeshment often takes the form of parents forming alliances with children against other family members. So a parent might form an alliance with an adult child against the other parent, creating a dynamic where the parent and adult child bully or intimidate the other parent into things, or criticize or ostracize them. A parent might also form an alliance with one child against another.
There are lots of other examples. Enmeshment refers to a type of family dysfunction where family roles are reversed or twisted, often to serve one person's needs above others, and to the detriment of others.
Examples:
A parent sharing intense mental health problems with their adult child, making the child feel responsible for the their parent's mental health issues. I'm not talking about a situation where a parent asks an adult child for help with finding treatment or support in getting treatment for mental health problems. If the parent is taking responsibility for their own mental health but asking for support, that demonstrates good boundaries. I'm talking about a parent who will call their adult child to talk about feeling depressed or even suicidal, who guilts their child out of doing things for themselves so they can stay and take care of the parent, etc. This is an example of role reversal where an adult child is expected to become the parent to their parent.
Enmeshment often takes the form of parents forming alliances with children against other family members. So a parent might form an alliance with an adult child against the other parent, creating a dynamic where the parent and adult child bully or intimidate the other parent into things, or criticize or ostracize them. A parent might also form an alliance with one child against another.
There are lots of other examples. Enmeshment refers to a type of family dysfunction where family roles are reversed or twisted, often to serve one person's needs above others, and to the detriment of others.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 15:35
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Anonymous wrote:That's not enmeshed. Calling your mommy to complain about your spouse is enmeshed.
Both are enmeshed. It's about unhealthy boundaries and not managing anxiety appropriately.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 15:29
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
Anonymous wrote:What are examples of “enmeshed” and why does it seem to have a negative outcome?
What does a healthy relationship look like with parents who live nearby where both child and parents like each other and want to spend time together?
If one of the members of the couple does not like the inlaws who live close, then this would be considered enmeshed. If both members of the couple are fine with the arrangement, then it's just a close relationship. In other words, "enmeshed" means "when one member of a couple spends more time with their parents than the other member of the couple wants."
Anonymous
05/24/2022 15:23
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
That's not enmeshed. Calling your mommy to complain about your spouse is enmeshed.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 15:22
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
One example is a child that is made responsible for the feelings/happiness of the parent.
Anonymous
05/24/2022 15:15
Subject: What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?
What are examples of “enmeshed” and why does it seem to have a negative outcome?
What does a healthy relationship look like with parents who live nearby where both child and parents like each other and want to spend time together?
What does a healthy relationship look like with parents who live nearby where both child and parents like each other and want to spend time together?