Giant bucket or cooler (depending on indoor/outdoor) filled with ice and beers/wine/sodas. We do one for adults and one for kids at our parties. People can serve themselves. Set up food buffet-style on a long table with plates and cups full of utensils on either end. Simple menu; with as much made ahead as possible.

I also just know I'm going to relax more when it's close friends who feel comfortable serving themselves, checking the fridge for condiments, etc. If it's more formal or work friends I will not relax (or drink) as much and knowing that going in mitigates any disappointment.

What kind of party? We do a lot of casual outdoor family BBQ type get together, and ditto others about setting up everything in advance. DH likes to man the grill, so we have a table next to it with maybe a bowl of pretzels and cooler for beers and waters, and trash can there. We find other dads will gravitate over there so he can still be part of the party while flipping burgers. Any toppings and sides are already totally prepped and set out or in the fridge and ready to be pulled out and served cold. We use disposable products and buy some disposable pop up trash cans from party city and have several scattered around the yard. That really helps with clean up, because guests will see them and throw away their own stuff instead of asking me where the trash can is.

Our house is small and we have little kids so we rarely do anything in the way of formal indoor dining. But when we want guests to serve themselves something from the fridge, we take almost everything else out and move it to our extra fridge in the basement. That way it’s organized and easy for guests to open the door and see whatever they could be looking for (usually drinks, including milk for kids who ask for it.) No one is going to feel welcome to help themselves if they open the fridge to see last night’s leftovers and or veggies for tomorrow’s dinner.

Also completely cleaning off the counter, sink, and dishwasher so we have space to dirty stack dishes to deal with later. We don’t do any cleaning during the party, but we have extra rolls of paper towels on the counter in case we need to grab quickly for a spill. And lots of extra TP in an obvious place in the bathroom, and Clorox wipes there too. And extra dry hand towels in the bathroom, I hate when I go to dry my hands at a party and the hand towel is soaking and dirty.

Buy good-quality appetizers and good-quality desserts. Even Ina Garten does this.

Make and do as much as you can the day before: gazpacho, marinate your meat, wash and cut vegetables.

Write out a timed plan. Again, Ina Garten does this. Something like:
-4 p.m. set out self-serve bar
-5 p.m. turn oven on
-5:30 p.m. put artichoke dip in the oven
Think it all through and write out a plan for the day before and the day of

The day before, set the table. The day before, get out all your serving platters and trays and servicewear and put a sticky note of what goes on or with what. The last thing you need the day of is to realize you need that big platter that is stored at the very bottom of a cabinet full of heavy items.

I set out a self-serve bar, but I make one signature drink in a pitcher or two, like sangria

Do not start cleaning up while guests are still there, unless there are a few very close friends who are stragglers. If you’re really ready for them to leave, brew a pot of coffee.

We hire help for larger parties but of course don't for casual gatherings. A few things:

- prep as much as you can in advance, don't be running around at the last minute.
- simplify the menu so it doesn't require a lot of just in time prep. Have dishes already in serving bowls. Serve things that can be at room temp.
- Self serve as much as possible. We usually have bar area set up so people can get their own drinks. Also simplify. Do one signature cocktail and 2 wines. Or just champagne/prosecco and wine. We often do prosecco cocktails/spritzes. (and waters/non alcoholoic options of course)
- divide and conquer - DH and I take certain responsibilities in terms of drinks, cooking, clearing, etc.
- run and empty the dishwasher before guests arrive so you can put a few things in the DW as you go rather than stack everything up.
- ask a friend to give you a hand with a task

I think you just have to prep really well in advance. I have everything ready to go including napkins and serving spoons ready to go in advance so I’m not looking for things. Set up a good bar with alcohol and non alcoholic drinks. Have plenty of ice, ice scoop, cut up lemons/limes, and glassware or plastic cups with a sharpie to write names on cups. I usually have a tray with glasses filled with champagne or a cocktail ready to go so people can have it as they enter, but then I say help yourself to drinks. Have some appetizers out, with small paper plates and napkins, and about an hour after everyone gets there serve dinner buffet style. If you can make something easy or order food from a restaurant, you don’t have to cook while people are there. Have good music and also have an empty vase or two tucked in the corner on your counter in case someone brings flowers so you can easily put them in the vase and fill with water. It takes prep work, but then once people arrive you can have a drink with them and enjoy your time.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely plan a menu where nearly everything can be done ahead of guests arriving. And have all dishes used for prep cleaned and put away.

Set out a self-serve drink/bar area. Direct people there. They will get it.

As for clearing/cleaning, do bare minimum while guests are there. Scrape and stack plates, but that's it.

Agree with above that it's nice to get people their first drink, although sometimes if lots of people arriving at once this falls apart so make sure people can help themselves and know it's okay.

Definitely plan a menu where nearly everything can be done ahead of guests arriving. And have all dishes used for prep cleaned and put away.

Set out a self-serve drink/bar area. Direct people there. They will get it.

As for clearing/cleaning, do bare minimum while guests are there. Scrape and stack plates, but that's it.

All food is make ahead and super easy to serve (or a buffet that is easy to set and forget or replenish easily)
Glassware is set out, but make everyone their first drink. After that, have a table set up for self-serving drinks.
Have a trash bin/recycling bin clearly visible and out in the open

I don’t know but my friend does parties well, and really, I notice she always has an extended family member helping. Like, they’re invited as a guest but they’re not socializing. They just seem to be there to support my friend, and do tasks like clearing plates, re-setting out cups, making sure the snack tray hasn’t gotten out of order, directing a couple of kids straggling away from the group.

I wish I had that!

What are tips for these party hosting questions?

What is *practical* advice for enjoying the party you are hosting? In my case, this weekend, the party is laidback enough that I am not going to do something like hire a teenager or college kid to assist. (I have been that waiter/busser at parties in high school). Please feel free to answer for a big event like that … or for the party I am hosting, which definitely doesn’t call for paid help.

How do you set up the party so it feels like guests can help themselves or feel completely welcome? I’ve been the host where it can lean badly in two opposing directions — not organized well enough that people keep asking me for stuff (that is fine, but I wish they were more welcome); or where I’m not organized well enough that people take things into their own hands, and it feels chaotic. Not a control freak here. I am actually the opposite. I just want it to go smoothly without me hovering.

I guess my two questions are related. The first is about me setting things up well enough to relax, the second is about the guests feeling like they can “make themselves at home” whether at your home, a park, or a venue.

Thanks.