Anonymous
05/14/2022 22:10
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Anonymous wrote:Your problem is you. You are not demanding they do things. You are not setting firm boundaries.
Get your water bottle from your bag and put it in the sink. No, put that down - what did I just tell you to do? So go do it. Oh no, you were supposed to be putting your water bottle away but instead are watching a video, so now the iPad is in time out. Go get your water bottle.
If you touch your brother again, you'll be sent to your room to be alone until I think you can remember to keep your hands to yourself.
I think I do this. They teach me that asking to do something is exhausting.
Like I said earlier the eater bottle isn’t a problem. It’s just that I fight so many basic problems, and succeed, I sometimes stop short of asking for cleaning. Because if I emphasize that, there goes the will for us to fight about something way more important like brushing teeth.
I do good on the water bottle example. I don’t, and my husband doesn’t, do well asking for chores. In any approach we have taken.
*I may try tomorrow and report to you what happens. So you can analyze how we can do any better. …
Anonymous
05/14/2022 15:01
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Anonymous wrote:I came here, hoping I could reduce the question down to a bare minimum of *minutes* working on *anything.* I don’t care if it’s making the bed and picking up clothes. Or unloading dishes with or without me.
I was hoping for some minimum that I can require with positive or negative consequences.
Reading the responses, I’m not ungrateful, but it’s making me feel overwhelmed somehow.
Minutes is too vague. Tasks with a clear beginning and end will work better. When you do X, we can do Y. No response to arguing or ignoring. Just wait.
It’s not easy OP, but it’s totally worth it to get kids helping. Reduces so much stress and teaches them so many great lessons.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 14:56
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
2-3 times a day, my entire family has to put away 15 -20 things. It takes less than 5 minutes, as they zip around like electrons, putting things away or doing small chores as well as counting out loud - and then within minutes the house looks pretty sorted. Why not try that?
Anonymous
05/14/2022 14:38
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Your problem is you. You are not demanding they do things. You are not setting firm boundaries.
Get your water bottle from your bag and put it in the sink. No, put that down - what did I just tell you to do? So go do it. Oh no, you were supposed to be putting your water bottle away but instead are watching a video, so now the iPad is in time out. Go get your water bottle.
If you touch your brother again, you'll be sent to your room to be alone until I think you can remember to keep your hands to yourself.
Get your water bottle from your bag and put it in the sink. No, put that down - what did I just tell you to do? So go do it. Oh no, you were supposed to be putting your water bottle away but instead are watching a video, so now the iPad is in time out. Go get your water bottle.
If you touch your brother again, you'll be sent to your room to be alone until I think you can remember to keep your hands to yourself.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 13:50
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Anonymous wrote:How much should I ask my kids to clean, in terms of MINUTES?
Ages 10,7,brand new 5yo.
How many minutes should I ask them to help?
I did what my mother did--assigning chores by age appropriate. A three year old cannot do what a ten year old can do but a 3 yr old can help pick up his toys and put them away. A 7 yr old can set the table for meals and help clear table. A ten year old can learn to sort laundry into whites and colors. Chores were not connected to their allowance. I also threw in an incentive of taking them to MacDonald's once a month if everybody did all their chores all month. This also had a silver lining of older children helping younger siblings.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 12:36
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
I came here, hoping I could reduce the question down to a bare minimum of *minutes* working on *anything.* I don’t care if it’s making the bed and picking up clothes. Or unloading dishes with or without me.
I was hoping for some minimum that I can require with positive or negative consequences.
Reading the responses, I’m not ungrateful, but it’s making me feel overwhelmed somehow.
I was hoping for some minimum that I can require with positive or negative consequences.
Reading the responses, I’m not ungrateful, but it’s making me feel overwhelmed somehow.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 12:35
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Anonymous wrote:Op here, I am still so overwhelmed with the task of teaching them to help pick up. Or help with chores.
I can’t keep doing it myself.
We have tried a lot of approaches, and they work for a while, but I feel like we also have to fight them so much on bedtime, brushing teeth, basic basic picking up (like, please put your water bottle away from your backpack), that I’d rather prioritize those fights.
Another issue we are having is what I call in my head “environmental ADD.” Our kids are far from being unfocused in school. I’ve questioned so many times of all three have ADD, but then I see how they are able to sit and focus when asked. (Just not by me). It’s that they bounce off each other, either playing super well, or fighting. They always seem have another kid to distract themselves and play and talk. Speaking above their volume level makes me get loud, makes the attitude in the house negative. —I try to be loud but positive sounding, but you can hear a level of stress in my voice.
If I could follow a solution, I would. I foresee my kids getting around each one. I am almost hopeless.
I want to go to counseling just to assist us in the process of
mom or dad: “I would like us all to clean up for 5 minutes.”
Kids, or kid: either
-“waaaabhahhah”
-“no”
-[ignores]
-does help, but gets into play or sibling distraction within 30 seconds
I feel like I need counseling help to get from there to at least 50% of the time helping out
Anonymous
05/14/2022 12:33
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Op here, I am still so overwhelmed with the task of teaching them to help pick up. Or help with chores.
I can’t keep doing it myself.
We have tried a lot of approaches, and they work for a while, but I feel like we also have to fight them so much on bedtime, brushing teeth, basic basic picking up (like, please put your water bottle away from your backpack), that I’d rather prioritize those fights.
Another issue we are having is what I call in my head “environmental ADD.” Our kids are far from being unfocused in school. I’ve questioned so many times of all three have ADD, but then I see how they are able to sit and focus when asked. (Just not by me). It’s that they bounce off each other, either playing super well, or fighting. They always seem have another kid to distract themselves and play and talk. Speaking above their volume level makes me get loud, makes the attitude in the house negative. —I try to be loud but positive sounding, but you can hear a level of stress in my voice.
If I could follow a solution, I would. I foresee my kids getting around each one. I am almost hopeless.
I can’t keep doing it myself.
We have tried a lot of approaches, and they work for a while, but I feel like we also have to fight them so much on bedtime, brushing teeth, basic basic picking up (like, please put your water bottle away from your backpack), that I’d rather prioritize those fights.
Another issue we are having is what I call in my head “environmental ADD.” Our kids are far from being unfocused in school. I’ve questioned so many times of all three have ADD, but then I see how they are able to sit and focus when asked. (Just not by me). It’s that they bounce off each other, either playing super well, or fighting. They always seem have another kid to distract themselves and play and talk. Speaking above their volume level makes me get loud, makes the attitude in the house negative. —I try to be loud but positive sounding, but you can hear a level of stress in my voice.
If I could follow a solution, I would. I foresee my kids getting around each one. I am almost hopeless.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 10:27
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
My kids are 6 and 9.
They each have normal “chores” and basic household responsibilities - basic things like making their bed, putting away laundry, cleaning their rooms and playroom, etc. as well as household stuff like setting the table, feeding the dog, etc. Those are basic expectations for being a member of the family - we all do our part.
Then there is actual cleaning. Every Saturday they give me 60 minutes and all clean together. I taught them to do basic cleaning tasks - they wipe down bathrooms and mirrors, dust, vacuum, swiffer, and mop. For 60 minutes they each get $10. It adds up and is a lot of money to them, but to me it’s enough to keep them motivated and far less money than a professional.
They each have normal “chores” and basic household responsibilities - basic things like making their bed, putting away laundry, cleaning their rooms and playroom, etc. as well as household stuff like setting the table, feeding the dog, etc. Those are basic expectations for being a member of the family - we all do our part.
Then there is actual cleaning. Every Saturday they give me 60 minutes and all clean together. I taught them to do basic cleaning tasks - they wipe down bathrooms and mirrors, dust, vacuum, swiffer, and mop. For 60 minutes they each get $10. It adds up and is a lot of money to them, but to me it’s enough to keep them motivated and far less money than a professional.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 09:35
Subject: Re:Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Can’t speak to older kids, but my experience with a 4/5 year old is that they can do A LOT if you just take the time to teach them how. My 5 year old will do the following:
- wash and put away her laundry (with assistance)
- set table for meals, clear own dishes, help load dishwasher (I rinse, she loads)
- dust surfaces
- clean toilet and sink in her bathroom (with assistance, tho she’s almost independent)
- make bed
- tidy up toys and books
The only one of these that is sometimes hard to get her to do is tidying up toys, because this is often an end of day activity and she’s tired and doesn’t feel like it. Which I get. We use a clean-up playlist to help motivate, and we also remind throughout the day about the benefit of putting things away as you go, so it’s not a big mess at the end. So it’s slowly getting better.
- wash and put away her laundry (with assistance)
- set table for meals, clear own dishes, help load dishwasher (I rinse, she loads)
- dust surfaces
- clean toilet and sink in her bathroom (with assistance, tho she’s almost independent)
- make bed
- tidy up toys and books
The only one of these that is sometimes hard to get her to do is tidying up toys, because this is often an end of day activity and she’s tired and doesn’t feel like it. Which I get. We use a clean-up playlist to help motivate, and we also remind throughout the day about the benefit of putting things away as you go, so it’s not a big mess at the end. So it’s slowly getting better.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 09:10
Subject: Re:Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
My 9yo had to Lahr her own bed, clothes in hamper, keep room tidy. Feed dogs in the am, bring in trash and recycling on Fridays. There is a Montessori guide somewhere somewhere that gives age suggestions.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 09:01
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
My kids make their beds, fold their laundry, clear the table, and pick up toys before bedtime. 7 and 3. (No, the 3 yo's folding skills aren't great but she loves it because she sees big brother doing it.) I'd say they spend 15-20 minutes total on all this, and most of it is spent on toy pickup at the end of the day because they (try to) whine about it.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 07:20
Subject: Re:Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
Agree with pp! Do by task (all legos in bin, dishes put away, odd socks sorted) and put on an audiobook or fun music.
Anonymous
05/14/2022 07:18
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
We don't count chores by the minute. That seems like setting yourself up for the kids to move slowly during the task just to hit the minute mark. Or stop mid-task because "I did my 5 minutes!"
Task completion is a better measure.
All clothes in hamper. Empty the dishwasher. Sweep the floor after dinner
Task completion is a better measure.
All clothes in hamper. Empty the dishwasher. Sweep the floor after dinner
Anonymous
05/14/2022 07:15
Subject: Kids helping clean - how much should I ask for?
How much should I ask my kids to clean, in terms of MINUTES?
Ages 10,7,brand new 5yo.
How many minutes should I ask them to help?
Ages 10,7,brand new 5yo.
How many minutes should I ask them to help?