Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Childfree by Choice is their preferred term - as opposed to infertile or whatever.

I wonder if she secretly wants kids. I had a friend like this, she was TTC.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you feel you have to accept your friend’s rudeness in order to maintain the friendship? I have several CFBC friends that I see without my kids present because they aren’t kid people. They have never said anything like this to me. Why can’t you tell her “hey, can you not yuck my yum? I love having kids, and those minor things don’t bother me”.

Honestly, we're close enough that I probably could. I just don't want to seem rude.

I really think some people just have this sort of approach as their conversational style and it truly doesn't mean anything except that's what she's thinking in her own head at that precise moment. So I definitely wouldn't take it personally as directed at you (or your kids, even).

I say that knowing full well how hard it is not to take things like this personally and I am annoyed on your behalf at reading your post, OP but since you really like your friend, if you can reframe her comments in that context maybe it'll help you start to let these just roll off your back?

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

I am well aware she's CFBC and walk on eggshells to avoid both praising and criticizing children.

Why do you feel you have to accept your friend’s rudeness in order to maintain the friendship? I have several CFBC friends that I see without my kids present because they aren’t kid people. They have never said anything like this to me. Why can’t you tell her “hey, can you not yuck my yum? I love having kids, and those minor things don’t bother me”.

I love that I have created a family. Our kids make our lives beautiful. Yes, parental responsibility and care giving is the small price to pay for parenthood, but I am glad that I am a mom and I have children of my own. One can never take this blessing for granted.

Childfrees have a need for validation.

I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Wow, Sue tell me you really feel! I totally love hearing how much my life sucks!

Said with a smile and a laugh. A person who doesn't buy a clue after that, find a new friend.

If you guys have the kind of relationship where this wouldn't cause huge drama you could ask her why she even brought it up next time? To me it sounds like she's feeling ambivalent about being childfree or has been getting pushback from family or something about it and is consequently verbalizing/reminding herself WHY she enjoys being childfree. Of course you being a parent are not a great audience for that if she doesn't provide this kind of context.

Well, since you don't want to ruin the friendship, just reply with "I heard you" then list out all the great things of having kids.

“I find the funny and cute times make up for the potty cleaning! Now tell me more about your trip to Iceland…”

Let me preface this by saying I love this friend, and I don't want to ruin our friendship because I am very lonely. But she's continually making comments like "I am so glad I don't have kids" and "It must be so gross cleaning up a boy's toilet, I'm so glad I don't have to do that." I never even mentioned cleaning toilets! I never even complain about child-rearing, period. How do I respond to comments like these?