In my family, the parent who does the research and talks to the doctors and teachers gets the final say.

Damn, was he this dumb before you married him? How horrible for your child.

Time for couples therapy.

Anonymous wrote:DC is 12, who gets to decide? We need to all agree?
Anyone had similar issues here?

My ex is bipolar. I was afraid he would block treatment. IME, some doctors and therapists require the consent of both parents, and some don't. I shopped around.

Legally, I believe either of you can consent to medical treatment for the child. If you are divorced, and the custody agreements stipulates something about parental consent to medical treatment, then you have to follow that.

Of course, we lived separately and I had full custody and my own money, so it was easy for me to take DC to the doctor for treatment without my ex knowing. Maybe harder to hide if you are still married.

IME, it was more important for my child to get evaluated and treated than to protect any misbeliefs or fragile ego his dad had.

Evaluation told me not only what DC's weaknesses and diagnoses were, it also told me his strengths. I was honestly surprised to find out that DC had a very high IQ and talents in one particular area. Knew he was smart but not that smart - so the moral is that the psycho-ed evaluation can tell you positive things and well as problems. Knowing this positive thing about him changed our decisions about his education and gave him opportunities he wouldn't have otherwise had, which had a huge positive impact on him.

FWIW, agree with PP that ADHD isn't really classed as a mental illness, but a developmental disorder, I think. Anxiety is a mental disorder, but IME, (my DC also has ADHD), untreated and unaccommodated ADHD can cause anxiety. Imagine if you had a sprained ankle and everyone kept insisting you do a 50 yard dash like normal every day -- you'd be anxious too!

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn’t believe in mental illness and strongly opposed to medication recommended for ADHD, Anxiety etc
What can I do ?

Well I am pretty blunt so I would just say that it doesn't mean our child is defective, or worse that you or defective. You didn't "give" these issues to him because he is an actual whole other person and isn't just an extension of you. He is going to have different issues, struggles, triumphs then you. These issues don't arise because of parenting. You can't "parent" ADHD or anxiety out of a person. If he doesn't believe you he can google or talk to a doctor.

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn’t believe in mental illness and strongly opposed to medication recommended for ADHD, Anxiety etc
What can I do ?

You just do the treatment. You do right by the child. If the other parent is in denial, or hiding their own issues, or wants to continue family secrets about adhd or asd, too bad. Treat your child’s symptoms and watch if they get better with the meds. Middle school is not the time for denying needing help.

How involved is he with pediatrician, teachers, and did he participate at all in the parent portion of the eval (I remember filling out questionnaires about specific symptoms/answering questions)?

Unfortunately, he can probably block treatment if he wants to. If he just lets you handle it, then do what you want, but it would be best if you could get him onboard by including him in any school conversations regarding your child’s special needs, pediatrician appointments, etc.

ADHD isn’t as much mental illness as it is different wiring (bipolar, which my son has, is more on the mental illness side). Anxiety is a hard one, but maybe treating the ADHD will help alleviate the anxiety, and therapy to treat ADHD can also address anxiety.

This is a really really hard issue to deal with. I’m sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been evaluated and prescribed medicines?

Yes by the pediatrician

Perhaps, if the evaluation was done by a specialist, your dh will consider meds? Is your dc old enough to discuss it with you both?

DH doesn’t like the evaluation either, waste of time and money since he doesn’t believe in mental illness

He doesn’t sound very bright.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been evaluated and prescribed medicines?

Yes by the pediatrician

Perhaps, if the evaluation was done by a specialist, your dh will consider meds? Is your dc old enough to discuss it with you both?

DH doesn’t like the evaluation either, waste of time and money since he doesn’t believe in mental illness

Does he believe in gravity? Climate change?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been evaluated and prescribed medicines?

Yes by the pediatrician

Perhaps, if the evaluation was done by a specialist, your dh will consider meds? Is your dc old enough to discuss it with you both?

DH doesn’t like the evaluation either, waste of time and money since he doesn’t believe in mental illness

DC is 12, who gets to decide? We need to all agree?
Anyone had similar issues here?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been evaluated and prescribed medicines?

Yes by the pediatrician

Perhaps, if the evaluation was done by a specialist, your dh will consider meds? Is your dc old enough to discuss it with you both?

Anonymous wrote:Has your child been evaluated and prescribed medicines?

Yes by the pediatrician

Has your child been evaluated and prescribed medicines?

DH doesn’t believe in mental illness and strongly opposed to medication recommended for ADHD, Anxiety etc
What can I do ?