I have one kid (now age 4) with no plans to have more. My take is that especially when your kid is a baby or toddler, you may actually be less busy, but will also simply have less bandwidth for the stuff you used to do and care about before. We went out to eat less, took fewer vacations, went to way fewer movies, etc. And we still did a lot of those things, especially in the first year when the baby wasn't that movie and slept more. But still less than before, because we were tired and also wanted our baby to stick to sleeping schedule and also our priorities just changed.

But the "less bandwidth" part is that basically my brain is never that far from thinking about my kid. I won't say I'm thinking about her all the time -- I have a job and other interests and think about all kinds of things. But the truth is she can never be that far from my thinking because there are just so many logistics associated with having a young child and I have to stay on top of them. There is always something -- she's growing out of her clothes, or I have to register her for school, or she's not eating enough fiber, or there's some specific life skill we haven't taught her yet even though she should have it by now. Like there is always, always something.

She's just in preschool now so I can't really speak to what it's like to have an elementary kid, but my sense from friends with older kids is that some of this gets better (they get more independent and you also just stop fussing over stuff like their precise vegetable intake because of sanity) and some of it gets more intense (school stuff ramps WAY up, you have to worry about social stuff, hello puberty and social media).

So my main takeaway is that you will not actually be more busy but you will feel much more busy because your brain will be full of the details of caring for a small and helpless human for at least the next two decades. I used to follow sports really closely and now I.... don't.*


*I've noticed men don't have this problem. Happy Mother's Day!

The limit does not exist.

I don't even have time to answer this question.

Exponentially busier. Childless me wouldn’t even recognize my current life. I’m basically running a marathon from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. And the baby still wakes up at night. I’m very Type A and I still miss things all over the place and can’t see to make anyone happy. Exhibit A- I sent our moms flowers for next Sunday instead of this Sunday. I can’t get mothers days date right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, not “busier”. But what I used to do has been replaced with kid stuff. Time is still time.

+1. I’ve always been busy. Now I’m still busy but with different things. Same with going from one to two. It’s harder but not busier.

Same for me. I did notice when I went from one to two that I'd actually clawed back some little corners of time for my stuff instead of kid stuff... because I lost it again with a new baby around lol. But I love it even though it's all-consuming. In a decade, they'll be monosyllabic and absorbed with friends and in two they'll be moving out. Gotta take the cuddles and insanity while I can.

The time that I'm not playing with the little ones, feeding, shuttling older ones to sports/scouts and back again, homework help, etc is used not as me-time, but planning and trying to stay 1 step ahead (meal prep, cleaning, household stuff, grocery store run, etc).

Thinking about it in terms of free time is helpful / I have none - my kids are at the age where they play tons of sports but still need someone to drive them around, watch the games, assist at practice ideally … if I’m home for an hour Saturday or Sunday it’s unusual

I have 3. It’s laughable to even try to compare.

Before kids, I had probably had 50-60 hours a week to do what I wanted (outside sleep, working/commuting, minimal chores). With two kids (one who doesn’t nap), I have 7 if I’m lucky. Pre-kids I was busier running around with personal activities, but now I feel much much much “busier” as in there isn’t downtime to relax, sleep in, have a leisurely meal like there used to be. One younger kid who took a 2 hour nap and slept 11-12 hours a night was also much less “busy” than two kids.

Anonymous wrote:Much. Much. Busier. You though you used to be busy. But it was busy with work, going to the gym, socializing. Now it's a million other things. A million!

But worth it

+1

I thought I was busy before kids and now I know I was … someone with a lot of friends, hobbies, interests, travel. Now I am busier in the sense that my time is no longer my own.

Much. Much. Busier. You though you used to be busy. But it was busy with work, going to the gym, socializing. Now it's a million other things. A million!

But worth it

Anonymous wrote:No, not “busier”. But what I used to do has been replaced with kid stuff. Time is still time.

+1. I’ve always been busy. Now I’m still busy but with different things. Same with going from one to two. It’s harder but not busier.

No, not “busier”. But what I used to do has been replaced with kid stuff. Time is still time.

I have one. A toddler. It’s a lot busier. There is no sitting on the couch to chill during the day. Maybe an hour at night. It is really tiring. But I love it!

Compared to pre-kids, how much busier is your life?
What about the difference from one to two?