Anonymous
05/06/2022 13:15
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the replies.
The marriage one is interesting and something I hadn't considered so I appreciate that. We were actually long distance our first two years of dating so I was hoping maybe some of that excitement would come back of missing each other and then finally seeing each other. We've also both been mainly WFH during the pandemic and definitely have felt very on top of each other and like we are always together and getting annoyed over petty things so I thought some distance may be welcome, but I will definitely keep your perspective in mind, PP.
I think a little absence can make the heart grow fonder, but at the same time, this seems like a pretty optimistic take. The more you get used to doing things "your way" the greater the risk that when he comes home, he doesn't really have to participate in the routine and becomes less invested in family life. It depends I think on what 33% looks like in practice. My DH went to a lot of difficult-to-get-to places so he had to leave on Sunday afternoons/ evenings and that was a real bummer and cut into our family time.
This happened to us - we developed routines that didn’t involve him, so when he was here he felt in the way (or useless), so he figured he might as well sign into work for just a minute. Have some routines that you have two versions of: when he is home and when he is gone.
Never cal yourself a single mom. You can say you are “solo parenting” for a week or whatever.
When he comes home, you will be thrilled and looking for a break. He will be jet lagged, exhausted, and looking for a break. That initial homecoming quickly turns into Suffering Olympics (I didn’t get to STTN because Baby! Well, I have been on a plane for five hours!). So be kind to both of you in that moment.
This is all so true. My husband traveled almost 100 days a year pre-Covid. Our kids were older than OPs, and we did get into a routine on our own. When he came back he tried to enforce things or do them differently, and I often got resentful because it seemed like he was dismissing the routine I had put in place. The jet lag and tiredness from travel was also an issue because like the PP said, I was ready for a break, and he was often tired and worn out from traveling.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 13:08
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Anonymous wrote:The roster of babysitters and people you feel safe picking the kids up from daycare in case of emergency is critical. Start there. If you’re well-off enough to get a cleaning service that is really amazing support. I’d find a dog walker for the days you’re in the city. If you have the ability to do so make some easy dinners and freeze ahead for the weeks he’s gone. It’s really OK to order in and kids can live on very small portions of pretty much anything assembly versus cooking from scratch is totally OK.
During transitions from when he’s headed out of town and when he’s headed back make sure you all communicate very clearly. If possible have an afternoon or evening to yourself right before the trip and certainly shortly after. My husband takes out the trash and make sure all of our hard goods that I don’t pay attention to are stocked. Like toilet paper, dish soap and trashbags that sort of thing. He also puts all of his hotel and flight info onto the wall calendar. We try to video chat daily when time zones line up, and make videos for when they do not.
The baby sleep stuff is what it is. Sometimes you’ll be exhausted and barely hanging on and sometimes this is going to be easy. We did it for about five years starting when my baby was about two months old. His trips were always two weeks or longer and overseas. I was working and sometimes on very little sleep but we got through. Call Lynn all the support you can. Don’t be afraid to ask for breaks if you have someone that can help you, or get that Babysitter to come by so you can go have a coffee or sit somewhere quietly. As much as you can plan ahead for sitters so that they have time to say yes.
You can do this 33% is not going to be very much in the grand scheme of the year. It’s a few difficult stretches. You already have a baby and a toddler and are so strong
This is good advice- and I definitely had more intense "stock" of things when my husband traveled often b/c you don't have another parent to run out for baby Tylenol or more wipes or something. Also, ask him not to complain to you about stuff like his room service breakfast taking forever when you've grabbed a granola bar on your way to do kid drop off and get to work after a night of no sleep...ask me how I know that one...
Anonymous
05/06/2022 13:05
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the replies.
The marriage one is interesting and something I hadn't considered so I appreciate that. We were actually long distance our first two years of dating so I was hoping maybe some of that excitement would come back of missing each other and then finally seeing each other. We've also both been mainly WFH during the pandemic and definitely have felt very on top of each other and like we are always together and getting annoyed over petty things so I thought some distance may be welcome, but I will definitely keep your perspective in mind, PP.
I think a little absence can make the heart grow fonder, but at the same time, this seems like a pretty optimistic take. The more you get used to doing things "your way" the greater the risk that when he comes home, he doesn't really have to participate in the routine and becomes less invested in family life. It depends I think on what 33% looks like in practice. My DH went to a lot of difficult-to-get-to places so he had to leave on Sunday afternoons/ evenings and that was a real bummer and cut into our family time.
This happened to us - we developed routines that didn’t involve him, so when he was here he felt in the way (or useless), so he figured he might as well sign into work for just a minute. Have some routines that you have two versions of: when he is home and when he is gone.
Never cal yourself a single mom. You can say you are “solo parenting” for a week or whatever.
When he comes home, you will be thrilled and looking for a break. He will be jet lagged, exhausted, and looking for a break. That initial homecoming quickly turns into Suffering Olympics (I didn’t get to STTN because Baby! Well, I have been on a plane for five hours!). So be kind to both of you in that moment.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 13:01
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Prepare to be a single mom and hire help (bi-weekly cleaning and a nanny/ sitter for random weekends so you can have some "me" time).
Maybe also a meal delivery service if you can afford it.
Depending on your relationship with your boss, discuss your work hours as you'll be doin the brunt of drop-offs, pick-ups, and appointments. If you have a flexible schedule already, then nvm.
Maybe also a meal delivery service if you can afford it.
Depending on your relationship with your boss, discuss your work hours as you'll be doin the brunt of drop-offs, pick-ups, and appointments. If you have a flexible schedule already, then nvm.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 12:44
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the replies.
The marriage one is interesting and something I hadn't considered so I appreciate that. We were actually long distance our first two years of dating so I was hoping maybe some of that excitement would come back of missing each other and then finally seeing each other. We've also both been mainly WFH during the pandemic and definitely have felt very on top of each other and like we are always together and getting annoyed over petty things so I thought some distance may be welcome, but I will definitely keep your perspective in mind, PP.
I think a little absence can make the heart grow fonder, but at the same time, this seems like a pretty optimistic take. The more you get used to doing things "your way" the greater the risk that when he comes home, he doesn't really have to participate in the routine and becomes less invested in family life. It depends I think on what 33% looks like in practice. My DH went to a lot of difficult-to-get-to places so he had to leave on Sunday afternoons/ evenings and that was a real bummer and cut into our family time.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 12:26
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Anonymous wrote:I would focus on ways to stay close and invest in your marriage, either by getting sitters when you're both home or figuring out ways to stay emotionally connected when apart. It's hard when there is so much else to do and so many other demands on both of you. We had a strong marriage until DH took a travel heavy job and after only about a year we were in trouble. I felt resentful at being alone so much with small kids and he just completely checked out when he was home (and his travel inched up until he was gone more and more). I really didn't expect that to happen to us and it took years to recover. I think I went into it too confident we'd be fine. Anyway, I think more help is a good idea. Good luck!
+1 This! So much of this! Invest in your marriage when he is in town. Distance and the resentment builds up overtime. You may not think you’ll feel this way but overtime in the stress of the family it becomes an evitable. Make sure you take the time to nurture one another.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 11:20
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Anonymous wrote:No real help on the kids but my sister's husband travels frequently, and the reward points are amazing for them. They fly first class and go on fantastic vacations. Look into the airline credit cards and see which one will work the best. They are not terrible high income people but travel like they are.
This is our situation as well. My husband doesn’t even travel *that* much, but almost certainly will reach Delta Platinum this year. We’ll use it to fly flat bed business class to/from Hawaii next year.
When I was a kid, my dad traveled so much that he reached Delta Diamond Medallion (their highest level). The benefits are awesome.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 11:17
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
We have similar aged kids. I WFH and my kids are in school/daycare.
Things that have been a blessing:
House cleaner every other week - would change to weekly if
we could afford it
Lawn service - DH's hours home are precious to us now. We outsource any work that was historically his jobs.
Have a family calendar orginized so you know exactly when DH will be away
Take a lot of pictures/videos of events that DH misses
Grocery delivery service
Things that have been a blessing:
House cleaner every other week - would change to weekly if
we could afford it
Lawn service - DH's hours home are precious to us now. We outsource any work that was historically his jobs.
Have a family calendar orginized so you know exactly when DH will be away
Take a lot of pictures/videos of events that DH misses
Grocery delivery service
Anonymous
05/06/2022 11:05
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Thanks for all the replies.
The marriage one is interesting and something I hadn't considered so I appreciate that. We were actually long distance our first two years of dating so I was hoping maybe some of that excitement would come back of missing each other and then finally seeing each other. We've also both been mainly WFH during the pandemic and definitely have felt very on top of each other and like we are always together and getting annoyed over petty things so I thought some distance may be welcome, but I will definitely keep your perspective in mind, PP.
The marriage one is interesting and something I hadn't considered so I appreciate that. We were actually long distance our first two years of dating so I was hoping maybe some of that excitement would come back of missing each other and then finally seeing each other. We've also both been mainly WFH during the pandemic and definitely have felt very on top of each other and like we are always together and getting annoyed over petty things so I thought some distance may be welcome, but I will definitely keep your perspective in mind, PP.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 10:21
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
I would focus on ways to stay close and invest in your marriage, either by getting sitters when you're both home or figuring out ways to stay emotionally connected when apart. It's hard when there is so much else to do and so many other demands on both of you. We had a strong marriage until DH took a travel heavy job and after only about a year we were in trouble. I felt resentful at being alone so much with small kids and he just completely checked out when he was home (and his travel inched up until he was gone more and more). I really didn't expect that to happen to us and it took years to recover. I think I went into it too confident we'd be fine. Anyway, I think more help is a good idea. Good luck!
Anonymous
05/06/2022 10:21
Subject: Re:DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Yes, build roster of babysitter and hire cleaners. Who will be picking up the kids the two days a week you have to commute?
Other ideas:
Buy a bunch of healthy snacks 4 year old can get himself if you can grab on the way out the door. You can also prep snacks and ingredients one night a week after kids are in bed:
String cheese
Boiled eggs
Thin cut sticks
Cut fruit
Individual yogurts
For breakfast, you can make a big pot of oatmeal and stick in fridge, make and freeze breakfast burritos to be zapped in the microwave. I know people here do a big batch of pancakes and freeze, but it seems like a lot of work for not much nutritional payoff.
4 year old should be able to make his own snack or lunch sometimes. If he hasn’t, start teaching him.
If you haven’t, invest in a couple toys that you know will keep the 4 year old occupied and self sufficient for a good chunk of time. For my kid, that’s Magnatiles, sticker mosaics, craft things like putting stars and planets up on the wall.
Other ideas:
Buy a bunch of healthy snacks 4 year old can get himself if you can grab on the way out the door. You can also prep snacks and ingredients one night a week after kids are in bed:
String cheese
Boiled eggs
Thin cut sticks
Cut fruit
Individual yogurts
For breakfast, you can make a big pot of oatmeal and stick in fridge, make and freeze breakfast burritos to be zapped in the microwave. I know people here do a big batch of pancakes and freeze, but it seems like a lot of work for not much nutritional payoff.
4 year old should be able to make his own snack or lunch sometimes. If he hasn’t, start teaching him.
If you haven’t, invest in a couple toys that you know will keep the 4 year old occupied and self sufficient for a good chunk of time. For my kid, that’s Magnatiles, sticker mosaics, craft things like putting stars and planets up on the wall.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 10:07
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
The roster of babysitters and people you feel safe picking the kids up from daycare in case of emergency is critical. Start there. If you’re well-off enough to get a cleaning service that is really amazing support. I’d find a dog walker for the days you’re in the city. If you have the ability to do so make some easy dinners and freeze ahead for the weeks he’s gone. It’s really OK to order in and kids can live on very small portions of pretty much anything assembly versus cooking from scratch is totally OK.
During transitions from when he’s headed out of town and when he’s headed back make sure you all communicate very clearly. If possible have an afternoon or evening to yourself right before the trip and certainly shortly after. My husband takes out the trash and make sure all of our hard goods that I don’t pay attention to are stocked. Like toilet paper, dish soap and trashbags that sort of thing. He also puts all of his hotel and flight info onto the wall calendar. We try to video chat daily when time zones line up, and make videos for when they do not.
The baby sleep stuff is what it is. Sometimes you’ll be exhausted and barely hanging on and sometimes this is going to be easy. We did it for about five years starting when my baby was about two months old. His trips were always two weeks or longer and overseas. I was working and sometimes on very little sleep but we got through. Call Lynn all the support you can. Don’t be afraid to ask for breaks if you have someone that can help you, or get that Babysitter to come by so you can go have a coffee or sit somewhere quietly. As much as you can plan ahead for sitters so that they have time to say yes.
You can do this 33% is not going to be very much in the grand scheme of the year. It’s a few difficult stretches. You already have a baby and a toddler and are so strong
During transitions from when he’s headed out of town and when he’s headed back make sure you all communicate very clearly. If possible have an afternoon or evening to yourself right before the trip and certainly shortly after. My husband takes out the trash and make sure all of our hard goods that I don’t pay attention to are stocked. Like toilet paper, dish soap and trashbags that sort of thing. He also puts all of his hotel and flight info onto the wall calendar. We try to video chat daily when time zones line up, and make videos for when they do not.
The baby sleep stuff is what it is. Sometimes you’ll be exhausted and barely hanging on and sometimes this is going to be easy. We did it for about five years starting when my baby was about two months old. His trips were always two weeks or longer and overseas. I was working and sometimes on very little sleep but we got through. Call Lynn all the support you can. Don’t be afraid to ask for breaks if you have someone that can help you, or get that Babysitter to come by so you can go have a coffee or sit somewhere quietly. As much as you can plan ahead for sitters so that they have time to say yes.
You can do this 33% is not going to be very much in the grand scheme of the year. It’s a few difficult stretches. You already have a baby and a toddler and are so strong
Anonymous
05/06/2022 10:02
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
Anonymous wrote:No real help on the kids but my sister's husband travels frequently, and the reward points are amazing for them. They fly first class and go on fantastic vacations. Look into the airline credit cards and see which one will work the best. They are not terrible high income people but travel like they are.
Yes! We are looking forward to this. We already have the United card.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 10:00
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
No real help on the kids but my sister's husband travels frequently, and the reward points are amazing for them. They fly first class and go on fantastic vacations. Look into the airline credit cards and see which one will work the best. They are not terrible high income people but travel like they are.
Anonymous
05/06/2022 09:57
Subject: DH just accepted a job that includes 33% travel- prepare me
We have a 14mo and 4yo. Older child is in full time preschool + aftercare til 7:45am- 4pm. Younger child goes to an in-home daycare from 8am-4:15pm. Preschool is walkable from our house and the in-home daycare is a 5 min drive.
I work 8:30-4 (well, a few mins before) with a nix of 3 days WFH and 2 days 30min train commute downtown. We have a large dog and single family home.
Younger one is a sleeping nightmare which I know I need to curb asap. It's definitely my fault, I've soaked up the sleepy snuggles too long because she's my last baby.
What steps can I take to make life easier while DH travels? Thinking of getting a biweekly cleaning service and starting to build a roster of babysitters.
I work 8:30-4 (well, a few mins before) with a nix of 3 days WFH and 2 days 30min train commute downtown. We have a large dog and single family home.
Younger one is a sleeping nightmare which I know I need to curb asap. It's definitely my fault, I've soaked up the sleepy snuggles too long because she's my last baby.
What steps can I take to make life easier while DH travels? Thinking of getting a biweekly cleaning service and starting to build a roster of babysitters.