Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I married my DH 10 years ago, he made 120k and I thought that was a lot.

It sounds like you have a lot of love in your family. Hopefully he makes more now

Anonymous wrote:For me, he would need to signal that he wants to have kids, that he has strong family values and wants to play an active role in raising and supporting the kids. Since this anonymous, I'll admit that when I was dating, I only took men who were ambitious and high earners seriously, but I was in big law at the time, so I think it was fair to want a partner who matched my ambition and work ethic.

Why is this? Why can’t it be someone who has similar values for family, maybe politics or religion, fun to be with, maybe funny or brave? Like why is income, work, ambition such a stark measure. I know it’s because you expect men to be providers, but it feels sexist.

I wouldn't care about income, but would worry about debt load, and if that income can support the lifestyle I would want for a family. If you are in your 30s/40s and have tons of debt, but make good money, I would move on.

For a man in his 40’s? I mean, unless you are looking to marry someone much younger than yourself, you aren’t really looking to support a family anymore. I would say that as long as you make more than you spend and aren’t still hustling with seasonal or part time jobs, you are fine.

You signal your income by saying what you do for a living.

As far as what income makes a man marriage material depends on the woman. As antiquated as it sounds, it probably depends on what her father made.

For me, he would need to signal that he wants to have kids, that he has strong family values and wants to play an active role in raising and supporting the kids. Since this anonymous, I'll admit that when I was dating, I only took men who were ambitious and high earners seriously, but I was in big law at the time, so I think it was fair to want a partner who matched my ambition and work ethic.

Anonymous wrote:When I married my DH 10 years ago, he made 120k and I thought that was a lot.

It sounds like you have a lot of love in your family. Hopefully he makes more now

When I married my DH 10 years ago, he made 120k and I thought that was a lot.

Anonymous wrote:According to my son's in laws, 300K. That's why they didn't attend the wedding.

I'm very sorry about that! They don't sound nice at all. I'm the PP who wrote about combined fine family income. To be honest, I would not have married my husband if our combined family income would have been less than 350k, so you're inlaws aren't exactly wrong about that depending on cost of living and their financial goals. Fortunately, I bring in 175 and so does my husband so it works out. Does your daughter-in-law contribute at all?

According to my son's in laws, 300K. That's why they didn't attend the wedding.

Consider total combined family income to be family material. Consider what she can bring to the table too

If you lead with income, you're going to draw in gold diggers. Do you want women who are attracted to your money or to you?

Where do you live? Do you have debts?

Anonymous wrote:For a man in his 30s or 40s. Asking as a guy to understand the rules of engagement. And how do I signal that I meet the marker without being crass (apart from inferences that can be drawn about home value)?

Some men are scared at any level. Go for committed, mature, family-oriented, and responsible unless you yourself suck at math to the point of huge debts.

For a man in his 30s or 40s. Asking as a guy to understand the rules of engagement. And how do I signal that I meet the marker without being crass (apart from inferences that can be drawn about home value)?