Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:48     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Anonymous wrote:lmao you married a stupid guy and you are just realizing it after 5 years? Are you SURE that he's the one who is stupid?


But it "only" took 5 years!
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:48     Subject: Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Therapy for both of you. You can work through this if you want to. You need a third party to help sort that out because you are both so frustrated with each other.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:45     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Divorce.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:43     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
OP: I count no fewer than eight grammar errors in your comment.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:39     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
And just last weekend you noticed the third eye in the middle of his forehead...
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:31     Subject: Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Op here. No, it didn't take 5 years to realize he was unintelligent, but it has taken this long for it to become a major issue in our relationship. He had other good qualities (dependable, family oriented, kind) that I thought at the time were more important in a husband. Now that I've addressed that, any helpful advice would be appreciated.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:29     Subject: Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Anonymous wrote:Hi, I am looking for tips, advice from people who have dealt with with a spouse who is just not "with it." DH have been together for 5 years. Over time, I have realized he is just not that smart and it is extremely frustrating and I don't know how to deal. One of the primary issues we have is his lack of listening comprehension. For example, unless l explain something to him in a very detailed way and several times, he will either think I never told him about something or remember the conversation wrongly. He will then blame me for not sharing things with him and being a poor communicator. It's extremely frustrating because I feel like I have to spell things out and communicate like I'm speaking to a child just to get him to remember anything. This also happens with other people. I often have to be the one to call if he needs to speak to a customer service rep because he gets confused and just doesn't want to deal with it. I also am responsible for keeping up and paying all bills, keeping appointments, etc. because he doesn't want to deal with it. Resolving any issues is also extremely difficult because he cannot argue linearly, so if I make a point while having a discussion he will answer with something that is completely unrelated and not responsive to the point I was trying to make. He then gets mad at me for actually brining the argument back to the point at hand. He also holds views that I find very difficult to understand or respect (e.g., COVID beliefs not at all based on science, belief in conspiracy theories, increasingly alt-right views, disparate views on discipling our kids). I am at a loss at what do. Over time, he has become increasingly angry and I think resentful of me because I don't trust his judgement or value his opinion on things. And I feel the same way. I find myself losing respect for him and just not really understanding how he made it to his late-30s not understanding/knowing things that to me are basic. Any advice from people who have been there? I just really don't know how to move forward.
Advice:Be glad he's male. In this area, a white male US Citizen can earn big bucks with a clearance and not too intellectual/skilled and just watch cat videos at work. I'd have him do this and get a manny, because you have to ask if your kids would be off with him alone 50% of the time if you divorce.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:27     Subject: Dealing with less intelligent spouse

It could be ADHD, OP. What you describe is inattention and a lack of executive functioning skills (the ability to schedule, plan and get organized). If he spends his time on dubious websites as a distraction, his views may be skewed. People who frequently makes mistakes and do not feel in control of their life because of that often get defensive and angry with the years.

My husband is like this. He has ADHD he refuses to treat, and we suspect he may have some high-functioning form for Asperger's. He has a high IQ, and he doesn't believe in conspiracy theories exactly, but he sometimes over-reacts about things and has mentally rigid thinking that gives him a very black and white view of the world - which leads to irrationality and some extreme views, since the world is not black and white.

I don't know what to suggest, OP. I push back against weird concepts when I have the energy, but sometimes I just roll my eyes and focus on my own life. He is not a reliable partner and it's been hard, these last few years.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:24     Subject: Dealing with less intelligent spouse
If it took you 5 years to realize that your husband isn’t that bright…doesn’t that make you the less intelligent one?
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:24     Subject: Dealing with less intelligent spouse
1. Don’t have children with this person. Imagine what it would be like if they take after him.

2. How did it take you years to figure out he is stupid? I can tell if a person is generally intelligent in one conversation, and intelligence was something I prioritised when choosing a spouse.

3. I couldn’t love a person like that or remain married to him. Sorry, no other advice.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:24     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
People get worse as they age. Not better.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:23     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Divorce if you don't have kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:22     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Anonymous wrote:lmao you married a stupid guy and you are just realizing it after 5 years? Are you SURE that he's the one who is stupid?




Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:17     Subject: Re:Dealing with less intelligent spouse
lmao you married a stupid guy and you are just realizing it after 5 years? Are you SURE that he's the one who is stupid?
Anonymous
Post 04/18/2022 11:13     Subject: Dealing with less intelligent spouse
Hi, I am looking for tips, advice from people who have dealt with with a spouse who is just not "with it." DH have been together for 5 years. Over time, I have realized he is just not that smart and it is extremely frustrating and I don't know how to deal. One of the primary issues we have is his lack of listening comprehension. For example, unless l explain something to him in a very detailed way and several times, he will either think I never told him about something or remember the conversation wrongly. He will then blame me for not sharing things with him and being a poor communicator. It's extremely frustrating because I feel like I have to spell things out and communicate like I'm speaking to a child just to get him to remember anything. This also happens with other people. I often have to be the one to call if he needs to speak to a customer service rep because he gets confused and just doesn't want to deal with it. I also am responsible for keeping up and paying all bills, keeping appointments, etc. because he doesn't want to deal with it. Resolving any issues is also extremely difficult because he cannot argue linearly, so if I make a point while having a discussion he will answer with something that is completely unrelated and not responsive to the point I was trying to make. He then gets mad at me for actually brining the argument back to the point at hand. He also holds views that I find very difficult to understand or respect (e.g., COVID beliefs not at all based on science, belief in conspiracy theories, increasingly alt-right views, disparate views on discipling our kids). I am at a loss at what do. Over time, he has become increasingly angry and I think resentful of me because I don't trust his judgement or value his opinion on things. And I feel the same way. I find myself losing respect for him and just not really understanding how he made it to his late-30s not understanding/knowing things that to me are basic. Any advice from people who have been there? I just really don't know how to move forward.