Anonymous
Post 04/17/2022 22:17     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Kids always behave the worst for their parents - it is because they hold themselves together for others all day and they know they can act out with a trusted parent and still be loved.

That said, use the fact that they will behave for someone else as an indicator of what they are capable of. Set boundaries and expectations and be consistent.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2022 20:50     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Anonymous wrote:The little one screams and flails when I change her diaper but laughs and lies still when nanny does it. My preschooler and younger child fight and sob over wanting to use one toy and nanny just walks in and calmly says, “if you’re having a hard time deciding who gets to play with that toy, it needs to go away for awhile” and they both stop crying immediately.

They are both sort of in between with DH - not as good as with nanny and not as bad as with me. I’m starting to get a complex! What am I doing wrong? Why so many tears with me and not with nanny?


She knows what she is doing and you don't. Ask her to help you. Your jealousy will do irreparable harm.
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2022 19:08     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The little one screams and flails when I change her diaper but laughs and lies still when nanny does it. My preschooler and younger child fight and sob over wanting to use one toy and nanny just walks in and calmly says, “if you’re having a hard time deciding who gets to play with that toy, it needs to go away for awhile” and they both stop crying immediately.

They are both sort of in between with DH - not as good as with nanny and not as bad as with me. I’m starting to get a complex! What am I doing wrong? Why so many tears with me and not with nanny?


The nanny knows what she is doing and they respect her. You don't know what you're doing and they know you don't. They love you but have no respect for you.


DP here. A baby doesn’t “respect” others but it can sense your nervousness and lack of confidence. This will improve over time. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Children just magically seem to know who must be obeyed, and who doesn’t. As a former nanny, I saw this phenomenon repeatedly. If a child didn’t immediately obey me, I gently helped them. It’s that simple. It’s much easier to do before bad patterns get established. But better late than never!
Anonymous
Post 04/17/2022 18:57     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Nanny is consistent and you aren’t
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 13:50     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The little one screams and flails when I change her diaper but laughs and lies still when nanny does it. My preschooler and younger child fight and sob over wanting to use one toy and nanny just walks in and calmly says, “if you’re having a hard time deciding who gets to play with that toy, it needs to go away for awhile” and they both stop crying immediately.

They are both sort of in between with DH - not as good as with nanny and not as bad as with me. I’m starting to get a complex! What am I doing wrong? Why so many tears with me and not with nanny?


The nanny knows what she is doing and they respect her. You don't know what you're doing and they know you don't. They love you but have no respect for you.


DP here. A baby doesn’t “respect” others but it can sense your nervousness and lack of confidence. This will improve over time. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 13:48     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Anonymous wrote:My best nanny gig (I had 3 over 10 years), was the one where the parents acknowledged that I was the primary caregiver. I was with the kids 50+ hours a week, one parent was always traveling, the other parent was only alone with the kids for an hour or two on weekdays. My rules, routines, etc were how we raised them.


OP here. This is not the case with our family. I have always worked from home and nanny works 32 hours a week.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 13:42     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Anonymous wrote:The little one screams and flails when I change her diaper but laughs and lies still when nanny does it. My preschooler and younger child fight and sob over wanting to use one toy and nanny just walks in and calmly says, “if you’re having a hard time deciding who gets to play with that toy, it needs to go away for awhile” and they both stop crying immediately.

They are both sort of in between with DH - not as good as with nanny and not as bad as with me. I’m starting to get a complex! What am I doing wrong? Why so many tears with me and not with nanny?


The nanny knows what she is doing and they respect her. You don't know what you're doing and they know you don't. They love you but have no respect for you.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 13:15     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
My best nanny gig (I had 3 over 10 years), was the one where the parents acknowledged that I was the primary caregiver. I was with the kids 50+ hours a week, one parent was always traveling, the other parent was only alone with the kids for an hour or two on weekdays. My rules, routines, etc were how we raised them.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 13:11     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
I think your kids can tell you are lacking in confidence. People want confidence in their leadership. It’s scary when the person in charged doubts themselves.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 13:03     Subject: Re:My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
I once complained aloud that DS never did a misbehavior with nanny and he said, “that’s because nanny means it”. Huge eye opener for me!
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 12:53     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
Anonymous wrote:I would watch Nanny and take notes.

My guess is that she's consistent with her rules. If she says something, she means it. If a kid asks for a pudding for lunch and you say no, and they whine a bit, then you relent--they learn that your word is negotiable. Be non-negotiable and don't be upset when they are pushing you. Nanny seems calm and competent because she's sure of her choices. Try and get a United front with nanny and both parents. The kids will benefit.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 12:49     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
I would need to see you around your children to answer that question. Sounds like you have a great nanny.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 12:47     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
I agree with first PP. For nanny, it’s her job so she can’t bend. Consistency is essential, even when you’re tired. Do not react to complaining behavior from your children. Stick to your guns without any emotion, just complete calm and confidence.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 12:41     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
I would watch Nanny and take notes.

My guess is that she's consistent with her rules. If she says something, she means it. If a kid asks for a pudding for lunch and you say no, and they whine a bit, then you relent--they learn that your word is negotiable. Be non-negotiable and don't be upset when they are pushing you. Nanny seems calm and competent because she's sure of her choices. Try and get a United front with nanny and both parents. The kids will benefit.
Anonymous
Post 04/16/2022 12:37     Subject: My kids listen to nanny but not to me.
The little one screams and flails when I change her diaper but laughs and lies still when nanny does it. My preschooler and younger child fight and sob over wanting to use one toy and nanny just walks in and calmly says, “if you’re having a hard time deciding who gets to play with that toy, it needs to go away for awhile” and they both stop crying immediately.

They are both sort of in between with DH - not as good as with nanny and not as bad as with me. I’m starting to get a complex! What am I doing wrong? Why so many tears with me and not with nanny?