I have a 9yo only. In some ways I think she is mature and she is definitely independent in some ways, like socially she in independent, makes friends with random kids on vacation, will pay for things herself in a store etc…….but at home I probably do too much for her because it’s easier. Like if she wants an apple with PB I make it for her, before she goes to swim practice I make sure everything is in her bag…….. I know she could do these things but because she’s my only I just do them,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more independent and also tend to have more advanced communication skills. They also seem to have more confidence on average, probably because they feel extremely secure in their parents love. However, they can also struggle more with peer conflict because they don’t get any practice with siblings.

This perfectly describes my only child, especially the part about peer conflict. It’s what she struggles with the most and it has worsened due to the pandemic.

PP here and yep— I was writing from experience. The pandemic has been tough on onlies. My DD has always been super attached to her dad and I, but the reduced opportunities for socialization have intensified that while making it harder for her to get along with other kids. But what are you going to do? We had secondary infertility and don’t have a choice in the matter.

As with everything, it depended on how you handled it. We have an only who was in 2nd when this started. We did the isolation thing for a month and then after he was crying because he missed his friends said screw it and let him play outside with 2-3 kids whose families we trusted. It made a world of difference and he is just fine now. The families we allowed him to hang with were not traveling and we cancelled play if any kid had the sniffles or a fever. He played baseball when that returned in the fall and continued on with Scouts which followed social distancing guidelines when we met outdoors. Or tried to. Everyone did wear masks at all events. DS returned to in-person school as soon as he was able to.

I understand that different people made different decisions but we felt the mental well being of our then 7 year old was as important as everyone's physical health. We didn't have anyone who was at high risk in the house and the Grandparents are in the Mid West and on the West Coast so we were not seeing them so it was the right call for us. I get that people were in a different place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more independent and also tend to have more advanced communication skills. They also seem to have more confidence on average, probably because they feel extremely secure in their parents love. However, they can also struggle more with peer conflict because they don’t get any practice with siblings.

This perfectly describes my only child, especially the part about peer conflict. It’s what she struggles with the most and it has worsened due to the pandemic.

PP here and yep— I was writing from experience. The pandemic has been tough on onlies. My DD has always been super attached to her dad and I, but the reduced opportunities for socialization have intensified that while making it harder for her to get along with other kids. But what are you going to do? We had secondary infertility and don’t have a choice in the matter.

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more independent and also tend to have more advanced communication skills. They also seem to have more confidence on average, probably because they feel extremely secure in their parents love. However, they can also struggle more with peer conflict because they don’t get any practice with siblings.

This perfectly describes my only child, especially the part about peer conflict. It’s what she struggles with the most and it has worsened due to the pandemic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, so my perceptions may change. But 2nd grade DD's two closest friends are both onlies. My observation is that they struggle a lot more with the challenges of interpersonal interaction and expect a lot more adult support to navigate them. It is very common for them to have a meltdown over something not going their way during a playdate/party. They are great kids, and in the long run I'm sure this evens out. But at elementary age, my kids seem a lot more resilient and able to independently navigate interpersonal interactions...mostly because they have to fight it out amongst themselves all the time

My only essentially never has that problem. Can’t remember the last time that happened with her.

Mine either. He was in daycare and then Preschool because we both worked. We arranged playdates and found opportunities for him to play with other kids. He does not have a sibling but he has been among other kids in a school or play or social environment his entire life. And all of our friends who have more then one kid know that we are up for their kid being dropped off to play with ours if we are home. We arrange a lot of the get togethers. DS is old enough now that he is going out and knocking on his neighborhood friends doors to see if they want to play but many of his friends are a bit further away so we still do some arranging when he asks us to. That will change when they start getting phones, but that is still a few years off.

I posted earlier about siblings fighting over everything all the time. I actually feel like in the long run it doesn't really matter. Kids are going to be who they're going to be. Their personalities will be molded by so many other factors. As adults we all have strengths and weaknesses, regardless of sibling status.

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more independent and also tend to have more advanced communication skills. They also seem to have more confidence on average, probably because they feel extremely secure in their parents love. However, they can also struggle more with peer conflict because they don’t get any practice with siblings.

Agree with this totally

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, so my perceptions may change. But 2nd grade DD's two closest friends are both onlies. My observation is that they struggle a lot more with the challenges of interpersonal interaction and expect a lot more adult support to navigate them. It is very common for them to have a meltdown over something not going their way during a playdate/party. They are great kids, and in the long run I'm sure this evens out. But at elementary age, my kids seem a lot more resilient and able to independently navigate interpersonal interactions...mostly because they have to fight it out amongst themselves all the time

There's also a dynamic where siblings feel the need to fight over every little thing so that everything is perfectly fair even when it doesn't make sense. I see plenty of mature only children amongst siblings who can't see the bigger picture because they're overly concerned about the minor details about what's fair.

Maturity depends on the expectations set by the parent regardless of how many siblings they have

My only is a 2nd grader. We joke he is an old man in a child’s body. He speaks like an adult and always has, and has little tolerance for chaos. Whether he’d be that way with siblings too, who knows?

Maturity wise though? I think he’s the same as his peers—ahead in some ways, behind in others, squarely in the middle for most.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, so my perceptions may change. But 2nd grade DD's two closest friends are both onlies. My observation is that they struggle a lot more with the challenges of interpersonal interaction and expect a lot more adult support to navigate them. It is very common for them to have a meltdown over something not going their way during a playdate/party. They are great kids, and in the long run I'm sure this evens out. But at elementary age, my kids seem a lot more resilient and able to independently navigate interpersonal interactions...mostly because they have to fight it out amongst themselves all the time

My only essentially never has that problem. Can’t remember the last time that happened with her.

My kids are still young, so my perceptions may change. But 2nd grade DD's two closest friends are both onlies. My observation is that they struggle a lot more with the challenges of interpersonal interaction and expect a lot more adult support to navigate them. It is very common for them to have a meltdown over something not going their way during a playdate/party. They are great kids, and in the long run I'm sure this evens out. But at elementary age, my kids seem a lot more resilient and able to independently navigate interpersonal interactions...mostly because they have to fight it out amongst themselves all the time

I think they are more independent and also tend to have more advanced communication skills. They also seem to have more confidence on average, probably because they feel extremely secure in their parents love. However, they can also struggle more with peer conflict because they don’t get any practice with siblings.

In my experience only children are more mature for their ages. Maybe it’s the uninterrupted time with adults or the fact that they never have to fight for attention. I don’t know. But my older child is definitely less mature than her peers and she has two younger siblings she needed to compete with.

Just curious.