Doesn’t your baby have your FIL’s last name? That’s enough. Don’t get talked into even using the name as a middle name. There are names I truly hate and wouldn’t use as middle names.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From DH and his mother. My FIL passed away recently and DH and my MIL want me to name the baby after him. But I hate the name!! Am I being unfair? I said no to DH and try to shine it on with MIL.

DON'T ALLOW THEM TO WALK OVER YOU or manipulate you into choosing what they want over your and your child's best interests !!

Your DH married you, not his mother !

Your MIL does not get to name the baby unless you let her.

Your DH and your MIL did not make/have the baby together !

Your preferences MATTER !!

Your comfort with the name of your child matters !!

YOU MATTER !!

Sending YOU, OP, a huge hug !!

I'm sorry you are going through this with your DH and your MIL

Holy overreaction, Batman.

Is your husband named after his father? MIL had a baby and got to name it. Now it is your turn.

Anonymous wrote:Your baby has 2 parents, if your dh wants a family name make it the middle name and you pick the first name.

You could just as easily say that the DH really wants to honor his father and use the name DW likes as the middle. This thread is so sexist.

Your baby has 2 parents, if your dh wants a family name make it the middle name and you pick the first name.

Agree with PPs, you have no obligation to use your FIL's name and specifically you should not give your child a name you don't like. Don't do it! It is not reasonable they would expect it, and they are likely a bit blinded by grief for your FIL and not really thinking about how this feels from your perspective.

I think the thing to do is divide and conquer on this issue. Accept your MIL is going to push for this name, politely tell her you will keep the name in the running (but don't).

Then, privately and gently explain to your husband that although you want to honor your FIL, you don't feel connected to this name and it doesn't feel right to you.

Also, and this is very important: did you take your DH's name when you married and, even if you did not, will the child have his last name? If so, that's how you honor your FIL and you should highlight that. People often take it for granted that a child will have the father and grandfather's last name. It's not a given. That is an important and powerful way to pass on a grandparent's legacy, and it shouldn't be treated as a foregone conclusion. It would not be fair to you for your child to get your DH"s last name and the first name of his choosing, from his family. This is your baby. You absolutely deserve to choose a name you love because you want it for your child, and not simply accept a name others love out of obligation.

Agree with PP -- stand strong.

Anonymous wrote:Hmm.

So, let’s talk specifics.

Let’s say FIL name is Gene Gary Thompson.

And you want to name the baby boy
Atlas Hunter

because you looooooove that name.

I think you should consider using Gene or Gary as the middle name.

Is Atlas Gary as cute? No, but OP, no one cares about middle names and cuteness, but everyone cares about family.

My 2 cents.

Yep. If this were the other way around and she really wanted to name the baby after her father, but DH was vetoing, how many people would be calling him an insensitive monster. Middle names are fair compromises for family names, in my opinion.

Giving you baby a name you hate seems like a very bad idea.

Hmm.

So, let’s talk specifics.

Let’s say FIL name is Gene Gary Thompson.

And you want to name the baby boy
Atlas Hunter

because you looooooove that name.

I think you should consider using Gene or Gary as the middle name.

Is Atlas Gary as cute? No, but OP, no one cares about middle names and cuteness, but everyone cares about family.

My 2 cents.

"Thanks, we'll keep that in mind." Then change the subject.

Maybe use FiLs name as a middle? Or, use the first letter (like the Jewish tradition, Timothy is named after Uncle Thomas)

Anonymous wrote:From DH and his mother. My FIL passed away recently and DH and my MIL want me to name the baby after him. But I hate the name!! Am I being unfair? I said no to DH and try to shine it on with MIL.

DON'T ALLOW THEM TO WALK OVER YOU or manipulate you into choosing what they want over your and your child's best interests !!

Your DH married you, not his mother !

Your MIL does not get to name the baby unless you let her.

Your DH and your MIL did not make/have the baby together !

Your preferences MATTER !!

Your comfort with the name of your child matters !!

YOU MATTER !!

Sending YOU, OP, a huge hug !!

I'm sorry you are going through this with your DH and your MIL

No, you aren’t being unfair. You have the right to veto any name even a beloved father’s name.

Yes, you are. Middle name. Op. Middle name.

No means no. You, the mother, can say no to any name.

Out of curiosity, what’s the name?

From DH and his mother. My FIL passed away recently and DH and my MIL want me to name the baby after him. But I hate the name!! Am I being unfair? I said no to DH and try to shine it on with MIL.