Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alcoholism is strongly associated with genetics and environment, hence avoid partners with alcoholism disorder in family.

Really? So OP and her kids should be alone forever?

Isn't that like saying fat is genetic so don't marry a woman with a fat mom? I'm 115 lbs and my mom is morbidly obese. Drinking is a choice, similar to obesity. There may be a predisposition, but it's not guaranteed!

Nobody is doomed but they have to work hard and person marrying them has to know the risk and their ability to handle the consequences.

NP here. Similar predicament, OP. Hasn't gotten that bad but I see where things can be headed. DH focuses a lot on alcohol, "collects" it, but won't have friends over to at least have nice dinners with so it's become very isolating because he's lost interest in socializing unless I organize things. I've even found the beautiful, bright, airy apartment I'd love to buy. Much better location, neighborhood, school district, but he doesn't care, just likes the status quo and doing things that suit him.

Anonymous wrote:Alcoholism is strongly associated with genetics and environment, hence avoid partners with alcoholism disorder in family.

Really? So OP and her kids should be alone forever?

Isn't that like saying fat is genetic so don't marry a woman with a fat mom? I'm 115 lbs and my mom is morbidly obese. Drinking is a choice, similar to obesity. There may be a predisposition, but it's not guaranteed!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic to begin with, specially if my father had had the same issue and I carry the baggage to think my marriage would end like the marriage of my parents.

That being said, if you think there is no hope here and you are willing and capable to be a single mom, you sure can.

I didn't marry an alcoholic to begin with. We have been together almost 20 years and the drinking has been happening for 3 years.

Then you are within your right to demand sobriety or divorce if you have tried your best to help him.

I honestly don't know if I have tried my best to help him. We have a special needs child and a toddler, I care for my mother, I am the breadwinner and the default parent. I feel like I don't have a single more ounce of myself to give to anyone.

This is so unfortunate. I hope things work out for the best. There is only so much you can do.

This is why Greek fraternities can be a bad influence.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic to begin with, specially if my father had had the same issue and I carry the baggage to think my marriage would end like the marriage of my parents.

That being said, if you think there is no hope here and you are willing and capable to be a single mom, you sure can.

I didn't marry an alcoholic to begin with. We have been together almost 20 years and the drinking has been happening for 3 years.

Then you are within your right to demand sobriety or divorce if you have tried your best to help him.

I honestly don't know if I have tried my best to help him. We have a special needs child and a toddler, I care for my mother, I am the breadwinner and the default parent. I feel like I don't have a single more ounce of myself to give to anyone.

Alcoholism is strongly associated with genetics and environment, hence avoid partners with alcoholism disorder in family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic to begin with, specially if my father had had the same issue and I carry the baggage to think my marriage would end like the marriage of my parents.

That being said, if you think there is no hope here and you are willing and capable to be a single mom, you sure can.

I didn't marry an alcoholic to begin with. We have been together almost 20 years and the drinking has been happening for 3 years.

Then you are within your right to demand sobriety or divorce if you have tried your best to help him.

I'm a child of an alcoholic parent and my advice in 75% of the cases is to do yourself a favor an ditch the alcoholic. With alcoholics who don't admit they have a problem and don't show serious commitment to treating it, the percentage goes up to 100%.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic to begin with, specially if my father had had the same issue and I carry the baggage to think my marriage would end like the marriage of my parents.

That being said, if you think there is no hope here and you are willing and capable to be a single mom, you sure can.

I didn't marry an alcoholic to begin with. We have been together almost 20 years and the drinking has been happening for 3 years.

I wouldn’t marry an alcoholic to begin with, specially if my father had had the same issue and I carry the baggage to think my marriage would end like the marriage of my parents.

That being said, if you think there is no hope here and you are willing and capable to be a single mom, you sure can.

Keep in mind that you can leave if you need to make that choice, and if he makes the choice to get sober and repair things with you, you could have a chance to reconcile at a later date.

Just remember your kids will be alone with the alcoholic if you divorce.

I feel horrible even typing this, but I just don't think that I have in it me to stay even if spouse gets help. In ways, I think I could be more supportive if we are not together. My own father was an alcoholic and I spent decades in therapy dealing with residual issues. I watched my mom waste all of her good years trying to help him until she finally threw in the towel and filed for divorce at 65yo after 45 years.

I cannot stop fantasizing about having a cute little apartment for my kids and I to be light and airy and safe and fun.

It makes me sick to be seriously considering leaving someone I have loved so much for so long when they are struggling.

How did you choose?