My ILs don’t offer to pay and therefore we generally don’t vacation with them as it’s never a place or situation we would choose of our own accord and thus we don’t want to spend both vacation days and dollars on it. My parents have no expectations that we vacation with them and have never asked. They never vacationed with their parents as adults (or in my dad’s case, ever, they were very poor) and would never think to impose on us like that.

Anonymous wrote:I would always pay for them to vacation with me, if they were going to pay their own way I assume they'd rather fully control the vacation and not go with family. It has nothing to do with what they can afford. On trips with me, they are are my guests.

This. Their gift to me is their vacation time, which for young adults and parents of young children tends to be very very limited and more precious than money.

I would always pay for them to vacation with me, if they were going to pay their own way I assume they'd rather fully control the vacation and not go with family. It has nothing to do with what they can afford. On trips with me, they are are my guests.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are only ten, so maybe I'm delusional, but I plan to always pay.

As long as you have the means, I can only hope this to be the case. Always.

My kids are only ten, so maybe I'm delusional, but I plan to always pay.

My children are in their late 20's, still starting out in the world and I consider it a gift to them and their significant other. It's not anything too crazy or fancy- a week at a beach house or near skiing in the winter.

My kids are in their late 20’s. Neither are married yet and haven’t vacationed with us in years.

Never. Not ever.

I'll pay for them as long as I can afford to.

Either pay or they don't come. What other options are there? Your kid shouldn't go into debt to go on vacation with you, right?

My parents rent a house for us to share with them for a week in the summer. I love that. We couldn't afford a place where they'd actually want to stay - and to them this is a pretty drop in the bucket expense. The alternative is we don't get to spend that time with them - or they have to do it somewhere they'd like a lot less.

They also aren't taking us on their luxury European vacations!

Some of my parents' friends have kids who are much wealthier than we are - and I wish I were able to take my mom on a luxury vacation like some of them do. But there you go - if you want to spend time together, that's how someone's going to do it, if not everyone is at the same level financially.

My parents have always paid for us and kids if we go on their vacation. I’m 40. We can afford our own vacations but they’re a lot wealthier than us. Also tbh it’s not what I would prioritize. I already kind of resent the PTO.

I would probably always pay or pay the bulk of it if I could afford it. My parents don't do vacations with us except one and we paid which was hard as we were newly married/broke and they choose an expensive trip (that sucked so we didn't want to do it again).

I will probably keep paying for them even as they have families of their own so that we can have everyone together on a vacation. I’m budgeting for destinations that would be appealing to them so they want to come. My in-laws wanted us to go on family vacations but they have a large family and couldn’t afford to book nice places (nor did any of their children want to or were able to afford nice places). So we end up going to a crappy place that everyone can afford. I don’t want to do that to my own kids and their families.

You plan something cheaper that they can afford. Or another sibling pays (and they might not tell you that it's happening). Or you may have to accept that they don't want to come and the cost is not the real reason they aren't.

Assuming that they want to come. If they are past that point and can't afford to pay, what do you do?