A truly beautiful woman wouldn’t be making snide comments about less attractive women. That’s a huge red flag that they lack self-confidence, which means they don’t really think they’re beautiful and chances are they are right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of the things you described are mostly within someone's control, like fat, blemished complexions, badly dyed hair and bad outfits. TBH, I tend to judge people a little for those things, but when I find myself doing it, I try to control my thoughts. Especially since having children, I feel a lot of empathy for women who are trying to juggle mothering and work.

Fat: no, genetics and PCOS could be causing the issue. You don't know unless you've rude enough to ask.

Blemished complexions: They can't afford facials. They've got unfortunate genetics. Unless you're rude enough to ask, once again, you don't know.

Badly dyed hair and bad outfits: Not everyone's rich.

Work on that empathy, lady.

Well, I do sometimes judge women who are overweight and blame their weight issues entirely on PCOS since I have PCOS and have managed to stay thin. But for the most part I really don't care what people do with their own bodies nor do I judge them for it. I just don't like the insinuation that it is impossible to stay thin with PCOS because it's not true.

Anonymous wrote:Only if they are much shorter than me.

lol

I am not beautiful but I have a pretty face and know how to present myself well. And no, absolutely not, I don't look down on anyone because of their looks. I grew up middle class and sometimes poor and I didn't learn how to look good until I was in my 20s. I had awful acne in my teens and into my 20s, which I have since learned is absolutely tied to stress for me (and feeling financially insecure and unattractive were sources of stress). I also had a deeply insecure mother who often told me I wasn't attractive (which is also how she saw herself). So I had no confidence, terrible posture, had no idea how to dress. It took me a long time to figure all this out.

If you want tips on addressing acne and breakouts, I have them. Everyone's skin is different, but I will say that I managed to get to clear skin without having to pay for expensive prescriptions (I mean, at one point I did, but the ultimate solution lay elsewhere) or do anything drastic.

I also had to figure out my hair, which is now one of my assets but for years was limp and hard to manage and took a lot of work to make look good.

I will say the one thing I've always had going for me is that I'm naturally thin. But everyone has something. Everyone. There is no one who doesn't have at least one enviable feature, whether it's great hair with lots of natural volume, or beautiful eyes, or height or long legs or whatever. There is something beautiful in everyone, I really believe it. And it can require privilege to bring it out.

So no, I never look down on a less attractive women because I know what it is to go through life not knowing how to put your best foot forward, and I know often appearance is beyond your control.

I do judge women who are arrogant about their looks or who only befriend other women if they look a certain way. I also judge women who, like me, got more attractive later in life and who then believe this is an excuse to treat less attractive women poorly. I had a friend like this once and it hurt my heart because I knew her behavior stemmed from her own insecurity and her belief that it was her "turn" to be a queen bee. It was sad.

Anonymous wrote:Some of the beautiful women I know, I sense that they are grossed out by, or look down on, uglier women.

I have heard unflattering comments they make about fat women, women with blemished complexions, women with frizzy or badly dyed hair, women with "tacky" outfits or cheap looking outfits....

Tell me what you are really thinking when you see a less attractive woman.

So: Many women without considerable amounts of disposable income, and many women who are not willing to fry their hair with heat or chemicals to conform to SWB standards of beauty. Got it.

The women that I think are beautiful come in many shapes and sizes. All of them, though, just shine with inner light and joy — what they’re wearing isn’t really where their beauty comes from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course not. But my whole personality is not about my looks. Occasionally, I want to pull a woman aside and ask "Have you heard about using coconut oil to deep condition hair?" when they are clearly using the wrong conditioner and clearly brushing their hair. But that's like once or twice a year, max.

I notice how warm someone's smile is, and how smart their eyes look.

Sometimes I wish a beautiful woman would pull me aside and tell me what I could do to look better. I need, like, explicit instructions.

Honestly for me, it's mostly genetic. I have big, wide-set eyes that are a pretty color, and strong but slightly small nose, full lips, high cheekbones, great bone structure, great skin. I just take care of that by drinking almost exclusively water, using sunscreen, etc. I have thick hair (again, genetic) that hasn't gone grey (yet?) and everything I know about caring for my hair has come from hairstylists. I was born to long and lean parents so I have that body type from genetics. I don't shop anywhere special - Gap, Nordstrom Rack, etc. - and wear mostly solid colors.

Anonymous wrote:Many of the things you described are mostly within someone's control, like fat, blemished complexions, badly dyed hair and bad outfits. TBH, I tend to judge people a little for those things, but when I find myself doing it, I try to control my thoughts. Especially since having children, I feel a lot of empathy for women who are trying to juggle mothering and work.

I only judge if they are smug about it. I know people like this. Of course I don’t judge if someone is overweight because of medical issues, but some are fat because they enjoy drinking and eating out and indulgence more than staying fit. Or they wear cheap clothes because they think they are more real or less pretentious. Or they have a bad haircut because they want to seem low maintenance. They criticize others who do care about their looks as shallow, snobbish, or whatever.

It's easier said than done but I strongly encourage you not to care about this. People think all sorts of weird things.

Anonymous wrote:Of course not. But my whole personality is not about my looks. Occasionally, I want to pull a woman aside and ask "Have you heard about using coconut oil to deep condition hair?" when they are clearly using the wrong conditioner and clearly brushing their hair. But that's like once or twice a year, max.

I notice how warm someone's smile is, and how smart their eyes look.

Sometimes I wish a beautiful woman would pull me aside and tell me what I could do to look better. I need, like, explicit instructions.

Only if they are much shorter than me.

Of course not. But my whole personality is not about my looks. Occasionally, I want to pull a woman aside and ask "Have you heard about using coconut oil to deep condition hair?" when they are clearly using the wrong conditioner and clearly brushing their hair. But that's like once or twice a year, max.

I notice how warm someone's smile is, and how smart their eyes look.

Anonymous wrote:Many of the things you described are mostly within someone's control, like fat, blemished complexions, badly dyed hair and bad outfits. TBH, I tend to judge people a little for those things, but when I find myself doing it, I try to control my thoughts. Especially since having children, I feel a lot of empathy for women who are trying to juggle mothering and work.

Fat: no, genetics and PCOS could be causing the issue. You don't know unless you've rude enough to ask.

Blemished complexions: They can't afford facials. They've got unfortunate genetics. Unless you're rude enough to ask, once again, you don't know.

Badly dyed hair and bad outfits: Not everyone's rich.

Work on that empathy, lady.

Many of the things you described are mostly within someone's control, like fat, blemished complexions, badly dyed hair and bad outfits. TBH, I tend to judge people a little for those things, but when I find myself doing it, I try to control my thoughts. Especially since having children, I feel a lot of empathy for women who are trying to juggle mothering and work.

You know the wrong women. Anyone who's a snot about their own looks isn't worth knowing.

Some of the beautiful women I know, I sense that they are grossed out by, or look down on, uglier women.

I have heard unflattering comments they make about fat women, women with blemished complexions, women with frizzy or badly dyed hair, women with "tacky" outfits or cheap looking outfits....

Tell me what you are really thinking when you see a less attractive woman.