Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you really loved your mom and enjoyed spending time with her. A lot to of people can not say that. I can’t. Focus on the memories you have of her. At least you had a good mom for decades, which is more than most can say

I ordinarily dislike a response that basically tells someone to look in the bright side if something painful because it can feel minimizing. But I’m going to +1 this one because you are focused on what your friends are getting to have that you cannot have. But so many people have never had good relationships with either if their parents. If you did, that’s a gift. And you may not understand the dividends that gift pays you.

PPs, would you tell refugees currently fleeing to Poland to be glad they have the legs to do so?

OP, I'm sorry you're in a hard place right now. Your loss is still very fresh, so of course it's painful to be reminded that your mom is gone.

You're allowed to feel what you're feeling. Don't try to push it away. Eventually you will indeed be able to focus on the good memories you have, but it takes time to get there.

Anonymous wrote:They will join the club you are in eventually, don't be angry with them, be happy for them.

You probably would benefit from a grief group. It's been too long.

^That is incorrect. There is no time limit on grief. It comes in waves. It comes at unexpected times. And it is very personal--nobody has the same experience. So go ahead and take the day off and cry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take the day off and cry. Then do something in honor of your mom. Your grief is ok.

This. My mom died 12 years ago, 7 months after my dad and when my kids were 2yo and 5mos. I miss having her guidance and support. Reading your post stirs up the pain of her loss. Take the day off. Cry. Cuss about your friends having their moms. It's all ok.

+1

Mine got to know and love her grandkids. My dad did not. Lots of feelings there, OP. It's okay. Have them.

Comparing is the thief of joy.

Don't go mentally down that rabbit hole.

My mother moved a few hours away when I was 30. So I sort of found pseudo moms in other women - neighbor moms, church moms, boyfriend moms. It's amazing having women that age as friends. They've had me over for do many nice meals, chatted for hours on the phone, even cared for me sick. I'd be running to meet those moms.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you really loved your mom and enjoyed spending time with her. A lot to of people can not say that. I can’t. Focus on the memories you have of her. At least you had a good mom for decades, which is more than most can say

I ordinarily dislike a response that basically tells someone to look in the bright side if something painful because it can feel minimizing. But I’m going to +1 this one because you are focused on what your friends are getting to have that you cannot have. But so many people have never had good relationships with either if their parents. If you did, that’s a gift. And you may not understand the dividends that gift pays you.

Are the friends talking about their moms too much? You could ask them to stop for a bit if that would help you. My mom is still living, I would understand if a friend asked me to not mention my mom for several months if it would help them cope better.

My mom is dying now. It hasn't really hit yet but I know it will. How do I find a grief group?

Anonymous wrote:They will join the club you are in eventually, don't be angry with them, be happy for them.

You probably would benefit from a grief group. It's been too long.

It is not too long. Research shows experience of grief is most intense around 6 months in.

To OP - you are ok. Your grief is ok. It's ok to say no to attending things you aren't ready for.

My father died when I was 16. It's been ups and downs- everyone is different. The anniversary last year was probably the hardest I ever had. I think the pandemic intensified it.

Anyways, do not listen to people who tell you to get over it. You will learn to integrate it eventually. And it's never too early or too late to join a grief group if you feel that is right for you.

Hugs.

Anonymous wrote:Take the day off and cry. Then do something in honor of your mom. Your grief is ok.

This. My mom died 12 years ago, 7 months after my dad and when my kids were 2yo and 5mos. I miss having her guidance and support. Reading your post stirs up the pain of her loss. Take the day off. Cry. Cuss about your friends having their moms. It's all ok.

It sounds like you really loved your mom and enjoyed spending time with her. A lot to of people can not say that. I can’t. Focus on the memories you have of her. At least you had a good mom for decades, which is more than most can say

Anonymous wrote:They will join the club you are in eventually, don't be angry with them, be happy for them.

You probably would benefit from a grief group. It's been too long.

It's been too long for what?

Anger is a part of grief. It’s okay. Maybe do something physical over the weekend, like a long hike. I get it, I lost my mom a long time ago. It’s a lot to work through.

They will join the club you are in eventually, don't be angry with them, be happy for them.

You probably would benefit from a grief group. It's been too long.

Take the day off and cry. Then do something in honor of your mom. Your grief is ok.

and both happen to be visiting this weekend. They are my neighbors too. I feel so envious and angry that my mom is gone. I'm feeling like I want to take the day off and cry or else punch a wall. they will be doing fun family stuff and I do not have a mom anymore.
I could cry. (She died in Oct).