I turn my back for 30 seconds to change the clothes in the washer over to the dryer, and my 3 year old dashes into the kitchen, opens the fridge and get out a carton of milk, climbs the drawers to the cabinet and grabs the box of cookies, then opens the dishwasher to get a clean plate and a cup. Seriously. I don’t even know what he would do if I left him alone for 10 min.

Entirely kid dependent as others have said.

Mom of multiple kids here:

This is so kid-dependent. With my middle son, we could leave him alone for that period of time when he was under 2.

My oldest son, about age 3.5.

Different kids have different risk tolerances, different appetites for climbing, and different desires to make mischief. Your kid sounds like he's maybe like my oldest son.

You'll know, though. Whenever you can run to the restrooms without penning him in, that is the first victory. Then take baby steps up from there!

OP

Yes we only put him in the playpen when we need to go to a different room. So I put him there and take a shower, go check email, etc.

But when we are in the living room he is outside - few hours each day. He still needs supervision. We can cook, clean, do chores next to him but I would not feel comfortable living him alone in the room for longer than 1 minute.

It sounds to me like you need to start by giving him more supervised time without being penned in. Get rid of the play pen thing (gradually, start by just opening it up and let him roam, but plan on keeping a watchful eye at first. Try to intervene as little as possible -- it's okay if he falls or even bumps his head. In fact, he has to do this to learn natural limits. But especially if he's a climber and a curious kid, you'll want to stay close enough tho prevent any big disasters (especially if he tends to climb not only onto the couch but onto side tables or other high, hard surfaces). Then as he starts to exercise judgment, you back off.

This is specifically why I would avoid those little play pen things if you can, especially with a first or only child, because at some point or another your kid will need to learn to navigate the world. You might buy yourself a few months of being able to relax, but it's just kicking the can down the road.

OP here

Thanks! So my toddler is 20 months old. He is very independent and can play independently easily for 30-45 minutes. But we keep in a fenced space in the living room when he does that.


However I wonder around what age we would be able to leave him alone in the living room. His room is fully baby proofed but the living is not. In the sense that the furniture is anchored to the wall but he gets in a lot of mischief climbing / falling off the couch, trying to climb on the counter / opening the microwave door. He still puts everything in his mouth and while there’s no immediate choking hazards he could technically decide to take something out from a cupboard and choke on it.

Now is too early but I wonder if around 3 is when people start to be comfortable having the kid alone for 10-15 mins.

You have to do the baby proofing on the actually dangerous stuff. Dresser attached to wall, anti-tip stove, can you lock the stove controls?

Certainly by 3 most kids will be fine, or you'll know if you have a very curious kid who might get into trouble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We started from birth.

Once the kid was old enough to move, we gated off a safe space.

By 2 years old, we took down all gates and would certainly feel comfortable leaving kid in our open downstairs while showering, working in another room, etc.

Now at 5, he can go in the backyard unsupervised.

FWIW, this was an adjustment for me, because I spent my early years working in child care and keeping children within "sight and sound" was what I was used to.

This for me -- from birth, but my level of comfort with it/level of child containment/amount of time I'm willing to look away has varied depending on their capability to get into mischief (and mood to a certain extent). I have two kids now -- not sure how old the younger is going to have to be for me to feel okay leaving them in a room together without me. My place isn't perfectly baby proofed but it's very small so I have no concept of "out of hearing distance" within the home and that helps with my comfort.

+1

We live in 1000 sq ft that is all one level and the exits/entrances to the house are extremely secure. So my kid has had pretty free reign since before she could walk. The main difference is how often I check in, but 90% of the time a check in involves lifting my head to look down a hall. I don't even have to get up or walk anywhere.

This is one of the unsung benefits of living in a small home when your children are very young. I have no doubt we will start feeling cramped soonish, but the idea of having a baby or toddler in a big, multi-level house sounds tiring to me. We stayed in a big AirBnB for Thanks giving when DD was a little over 2 years old, and I remember it being an exhausting few days in terms of keeping an eye on her. Even with functional baby gates and five adults in the house, it was so much harder to keep an eye on her than in our house, where I barely think about it.

Anonymous wrote:We started from birth.

Once the kid was old enough to move, we gated off a safe space.

By 2 years old, we took down all gates and would certainly feel comfortable leaving kid in our open downstairs while showering, working in another room, etc.

Now at 5, he can go in the backyard unsupervised.

FWIW, this was an adjustment for me, because I spent my early years working in child care and keeping children within "sight and sound" was what I was used to.

This for me -- from birth, but my level of comfort with it/level of child containment/amount of time I'm willing to look away has varied depending on their capability to get into mischief (and mood to a certain extent). I have two kids now -- not sure how old the younger is going to have to be for me to feel okay leaving them in a room together without me. My place isn't perfectly baby proofed but it's very small so I have no concept of "out of hearing distance" within the home and that helps with my comfort.

2 or 2.5? My son was much more independent than my dd and he would often go to the playroom and play by himself. He was content. DD always wanted me to play with her.

I have no issues leaving my 6 month old unattended for a minute for me to use the bathroom (particularly since she can't crawl!), but 10-15 would be too much.

Anonymous wrote:Once your kid can climb out of the crib the room should be safe enough for them to be alone in it.

make sure the dresser is mounted to the wall.

2.5, but my DD has always been the kind of kid I don't worry about much with stuff like this. When she was 3, she'd sometimes be playing in an adjacent room (that was baby proofed) and she'd come in to ask us if she could get out a toy that was on a low shelf and she'd played with before and around which there were no special rules or concerns. Literally, she'd be like "Can I get out my blocks now?" And then 10 minutes later "Is it okay if I push my dolly around in the play stroller?" She's just an extremely careful and compliant kid and that is entirely her and not the result of us being super restrictive because we aren't.

But kids are different some kids will quietly get into trouble if you leave them alone for 5 minutes. You have to know your kid. We actually wound up creating more rules and parameters for our kid because she is like this -- what we figured out is that she craves structure and it makes her feel more safe if she has more restrictions. Go figure!

Once your kid can climb out of the crib the room should be safe enough for them to be alone in it.

We started from birth.

Once the kid was old enough to move, we gated off a safe space.

By 2 years old, we took down all gates and would certainly feel comfortable leaving kid in our open downstairs while showering, working in another room, etc.

Now at 5, he can go in the backyard unsupervised.

FWIW, this was an adjustment for me, because I spent my early years working in child care and keeping children within "sight and sound" was what I was used to.

Assuming the room is not excessively dangerous but also not babyproofed 100%.

Like open concept living room with access to oven, a couch that they can climb and fall from, etc.

Definitely not before 2.5 or so I think but what’s the age? 3/4/5?