Is the surviving spouse a man? I've found when it's the wife/mom who passes, the meal trains tend to go longer.

Longest one I've seen was 5 weeks for a guy and his kids. Most tend to be 2 weeks, especially when for a surviving woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are part of a meal train as well. I think it’s important to help and assist the surviving spouse and children. I do wonder if they will get bored of food just showing up at their house. They might have cravings for one night or maybe they want to go out to eat but feel bound to stay at home? I’ll leave that up to them and will make dinners as long as they are not cancelled.

For the very long meal trains I also wonder if it has to do with the surviving spouse being the husband or wife. (surviving wives get shorter meal trains than surviving husbands)

Our neighbor’s husband passed away unexpectedly. They had children. The family was active in their church, neighborhood, school, and were both local. There were tons of people who wanted to support them so the meal train went on for months. It was always for everyone other day, which I think reduces waste and gives them a chance to choose what they eat. The person who did the sign up also included some preferences, to help avoid lasagnas every day. I am sure food was thrown out but also, I imagine there were days when they ate what was there just to not have to figure it out. And she saw how many people cared for her family.

I am pleased to hear that my theory does not hold up.

Anonymous wrote:We are part of a meal train as well. I think it’s important to help and assist the surviving spouse and children. I do wonder if they will get bored of food just showing up at their house. They might have cravings for one night or maybe they want to go out to eat but feel bound to stay at home? I’ll leave that up to them and will make dinners as long as they are not cancelled.

For the very long meal trains I also wonder if it has to do with the surviving spouse being the husband or wife. (surviving wives get shorter meal trains than surviving husbands)

Our neighbor’s husband passed away unexpectedly. They had children. The family was active in their church, neighborhood, school, and were both local. There were tons of people who wanted to support them so the meal train went on for months. It was always for everyone other day, which I think reduces waste and gives them a chance to choose what they eat. The person who did the sign up also included some preferences, to help avoid lasagnas every day. I am sure food was thrown out but also, I imagine there were days when they ate what was there just to not have to figure it out. And she saw how many people cared for her family.

I think it depends on the circumstance. Someone undergoing chemo for 6 months will require a longer meal train than someone having surgery they will recover from in a few weeks.

I don't think 3 months is crazy long for someone who lost a spouse especially if they have children to think about and care for. If the person receiving the meals feels it is too much they can say so or adjust the length. The person organizing should check in with them periodically.

We are part of a meal train as well. I think it’s important to help and assist the surviving spouse and children. I do wonder if they will get bored of food just showing up at their house. They might have cravings for one night or maybe they want to go out to eat but feel bound to stay at home? I’ll leave that up to them and will make dinners as long as they are not cancelled.

For the very long meal trains I also wonder if it has to do with the surviving spouse being the husband or wife. (surviving wives get shorter meal trains than surviving husbands)

People will sign up for the next few weeks. The recipient will likely send out a "thank-you for the support but I am really fine for meals now" at some point. I would not sign up for a July date now. We were doing it for a family where the Dad was dying of brain cancer. They reduced it to 3 days a week at some point. She said the meals were great but sometimes the kids wanted her cooking/takeout too and there were leftovers

Anonymous wrote:They are going to throw out so much food behind wants to eat lasagna for three months?

That's why I never send lasagna for meal trains...

OP it's not crazy if you have a rather large neighborhood. They probably want to give everyone who wants to contribute the option.

They are going to throw out so much food behind wants to eat lasagna for three months?

We are part of a similar meal chain, spouse passed away and the meal chains slots go on for several months. I assumed the living spouse/parent is having a very difficult time (not financially), otherwise I can’t imagine wanting to accept meals for that long. Particularly when you have several kids preferences to manage, family in town helping, etc. I feel so horrible for them.

I guess it depends. I would hate to have a ton of food that I wouldn’t normally want in my house. I am a bit picky and feel guilt throwing stuff away. It would add to my anxiety. If I had multiple kids, bring it on forever. They will eat whatever.

We have a friend whose spouse died last June. A group of us bring her dinner one day a week. It’s not every dat but it’s one day a week she doesn’t have to think about dinner. I thought it would have stopped by now but she says she would still like it, it’s not much trouble so I’m ok keeping doing it.

Usually? Kind of depends on how large the HOA is (how many families) and how great the need is.
Are you implying it's too long? I believe you can't be too kind, and, perhaps someone within the HOA knows more about this neighbor and their needs than you do.

FWIW, I have done many of these, including some that have lasted a very long time, and I am always happy happy help and feel fortunate that I can. For example:

For a kid with cancer who didn't respond to chemo and a year later needed a bone marrow transplant (other children in the house as well) - over a year

For women fighting breast cancer - until she rings the damn bell and treatment is over - also over a year

Neighbor fighting ALS - until she passes away and then will likely continue for many months for the surviving family

New baby - 2-3 months

3 months seems crazy long to me. 2 weeks seems normal.

I mean - you’d only sign up for 1 or 2 slots. They’ll send it out to distant relations and friends as well who will just ship or UberEats something.

We had a death in our neighborhood so our HOA asked all the neighbors if they wanted to be a part of a meal train for a neighbor that lost their spouse. I said okay and saw that it will be ongoing 5 days a week for 3 months on the online sign up sheet. Do meal trains usually go on that long? I've never been a part of one before.