Why are you not answering whether your spouse wants to go or not? All you keep doing is arguing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just go and have fun. If/when it’s brought up, simply state that you were invited by your SIL to vacation together. If they have an issue with it, they can discuss with her and your BIL. I think you are making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. They may not even care that much.

They will 100% care. We can debate if they SHOULD care or if I should care that it bothers them. But it is an absolutely certainty they will care. I have known them over 20 years.

You have known them for 20 years, safe to assume their own daughter has known them longer. Her relationship with them is much more nuanced and layered than your with them. Seems like you are looking for everyone to criticize your SIL?

Anonymous wrote:Just go and have fun. If/when it’s brought up, simply state that you were invited by your SIL to vacation together. If they have an issue with it, they can discuss with her and your BIL. I think you are making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. They may not even care that much.

They will 100% care. We can debate if they SHOULD care or if I should care that it bothers them. But it is an absolutely certainty they will care. I have known them over 20 years.

Could you have the larger group get together for 2- 3 days and then have the smaller group leave and go do an additional few days together somewhere else?

Just go and have fun. If/when it’s brought up, simply state that you were invited by your SIL to vacation together. If they have an issue with it, they can discuss with her and your BIL. I think you are making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. They may not even care that much.

What does your spouse say? If he is okay with going without his parents, then go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is a shame. The parents should allow the siblings to socialize together.

Could you offer to do a long weekend with the parents another time?

OP here. We are willing to travel with the inlaws but they don't want to do it if everyone can't go.

Well, that says a lot about why your SIL doesn't want to go with them. If parents were actually interested in spending time with family and not controlling & manipulating them, they'd go with your family.

Thanks for your opinion. However, these are my inlaws and I have to see them frequently for the next 10-20 years. They are my husband's parents and unlike many on this site I actually care about their feelings. They are not bad people - they don't try to be so anxious they just are. They are kind and loving grandparents. SIL is an adult and of course does not have to travel with them if she does not want to, but this seems unneccessarily hurtful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is a shame. The parents should allow the siblings to socialize together.

Could you offer to do a long weekend with the parents another time?

OP here. We are willing to travel with the inlaws but they don't want to do it if everyone can't go.

Well, that says a lot about why your SIL doesn't want to go with them. If parents were actually interested in spending time with family and not controlling & manipulating them, they'd go with your family.

I don't see why they have to know, and don't think there's anything wrong with keeping a vacation to two generations rather than three.

We love to vacation with my SIL. The first time you exclude parents is bad. But they get used to it. I’m glad we ripped that bandaid off because we can do so much more fun stuff without the parents.

Anonymous wrote:That is a shame. The parents should allow the siblings to socialize together.

Could you offer to do a long weekend with the parents another time?

OP here. We are willing to travel with the inlaws but they don't want to do it if everyone can't go.

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn’t she want to go with them?

They are the sort of stressed/uptight type. I get it, but I just don't think its right to do this without them when they clearly want us all to go with them and have asked many times. They will NOT understand and it will be really weird and awkward.

That is a shame. The parents should allow the siblings to socialize together.

Could you offer to do a long weekend with the parents another time?

Why doesn’t she want to go with them?

Every year or two my inlaws offer to pay for us all to go to the beach or something. We did it once a long time ago, but SIL (their daughter) has refused every time since. Now this year she wants our family (DH/her brother, me, 2 kids) to share a vacation home with her family of 5. I like them and am not opposed but its going to really hurt her parents feelings, and they are definitely not invited (per her). There is no way to keep it from them - we all live locally. It will be SOOOOOO awkard when they find out.

WWYD?