I have a personal perspective and not just from opinion. I did date older men when I was younger and I can say looking back I am disgusted. Deep down I knew it and always introduced them as my “older boyfriend” and always made it a joke, but I was a wreck and immature. Partly I was intrigued by what I assumed were men with money, but they pretended to be wealthy when they actually were not. To note, men who dated younger pretend a lot of things.
I ignored what I knew was wrong and fortunately wised up once I matured out of that silly 20 something year old stage. I liked the attention and always tried to justify the relationship-but I secretly knew it was not okay. It does disgust me now and I am very embarrassed about it. To add to that, they weren’t even good men which I believe is part of why they would date someone young who is still naive. Never, ever would I disgrace myself like that again. These men were gross then and they are even grosser now.

I don’t care really but
It is a little pervy

It always has an incest vibe.

I also find men that date younger to have suspicious motives.

Man A (my ex, convicted of DV on me) was 7 years older. I had no idea what the warning flags were for DV. He had all of them.

Man B my BIL dated 8 years younger because he was looking for a sugar Momma so he could drink / not work and didn't want kids. She was too naive to know his bad intentions

Man C my husband's friend is dating 12 years younger. Again doesn't want pressure to grow up, get married or have kids. A 22 year old doesn't pressure him to grow up.

Man D has really weird hangups about women. He's in his 50s and says he wants kids so needs to find someone in their 30s. He says he wants someone that is an intellectual equal, but turns down every attractive, accomplished person he meets. He thinks beautiful women are only after money or Green cards.

At the end of the day, it's because women are competing against other women for eligible men and all else being equal, younger people are more physically attractive.

Same reason the incel culture exists, because women can have sex easier than men and some men resent that fact.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman. When I was 19-24 I dated significantly (10+ years) older. I had serious unaddressed and untreated trauma and was living hand to mouth.

In hindsight I recognize the profound power imbalance - I hardly knew anything about adult life and lacked savvy and sophistication in so many ways. There’s an “ick” factor when I consider what these men were attracted to in me. Why was a 36-year-old lawyer more interested in a 20-year-old cocktail waitress (me) than a professional woman closer to his age?

It’s exploitative and weird - I don’t care what any man says to justify it.

+1 This. Every young woman I know who dated significantly older men was damaged to start with and more damaged by the relationship. If the younger party is 27+, IDGAF. But 30 year old men trying to date 19 year olds, late thirties men trying to date 20-something women . . . something is always off on both ends.

Anonymous wrote:Why so much disgust and judgement? Isn't there also a significant number of women, especially in their 20's, who don't want to date men their age and prefer older guys? It takes two consenting adults for these relationships to happen.

In my experience, no, not a significant number of normal, well-adjusted 20 somethings. I’m so judgmental of these age gaps because of what I remember of being in my 20s (which was not that long ago). Almost all the girls I know wouldn’t have dreamed of dating a guy a decade older and the ones that did, well, for us it wasn’t a mystery why.

Because it reveals their high evel of immaturity and lack of depth, to me. I don't bother judging, I just don't date men who advertize needing a power imbalance to feel as though they have worth in the relationship.

Because I feel disgust at the thought of dating a man that young because they are still basically children. An older guy who doesn’t recognize that is just….gross.

I also dated older men (40+) when I was early 20s. At the time I thought they were so much more mature than guys my age, but in retrospect, I realize they had big problems which is why they couldn’t date women their own age.

I do understand why younger women do it. Unfortunately men of all ages are mostly a disappointment. Older ones at least have their own place without 3 roommates and sometimes even have real furniture (that you later find out their xW picked out).

I think the ick factor is in proportion to age difference. My Bil increasingly has dated younger and younger women. His current gf is 20ish and he is nearing 40. I remember what being 20 was like and there is such an extreme power imbalance here. I feel the ick factor on her part too but I feel it much more strongly on him because he is so much older and should know better. It grosses me out and I avoid him as far as I can without making things awkward. I think he is emotionally messed up and is attracted to these young women for their youth and beauty. The women are naive and he historically always finds something wrong with their character without seeming to have much desire to look at himself.

And as PP said it creates a weird power imbalance, it’s almost as if older men prey on the nievete of young women.

It makes it harder to find a similarly aged partner when you’re older.

I’m a woman. When I was 19-24 I dated significantly (10+ years) older. I had serious unaddressed and untreated trauma and was living hand to mouth.

In hindsight I recognize the profound power imbalance - I hardly knew anything about adult life and lacked savvy and sophistication in so many ways. There’s an “ick” factor when I consider what these men were attracted to in me. Why was a 36-year-old lawyer more interested in a 20-year-old cocktail waitress (me) than a professional woman closer to his age?

It’s exploitative and weird - I don’t care what any man says to justify it.

Personally, I don't care. Also, I prefer younger men. A lot of men over 45 need to big those big rhino pills at the 7-11 just to keep it up and...no.

Why so much disgust and judgement? Isn't there also a significant number of women, especially in their 20's, who don't want to date men their age and prefer older guys? It takes two consenting adults for these relationships to happen.