Anonymous wrote:In a family where one is supposed to be the golden child, the other the black sheep, and the forgotten middle child. Except the golden child, in real life, has been a bit of a mess. In and out of rehab, hospitalized in the psych ward, divorced, etc.

But the way the mom talks about the golden child and brags about him makes him sound like a shining example. Is it possible for the golden child to be a bit of a mess?

The black sheep, after some pretty dark and stormy times, has ironically become the most successful in life, but only after going no contact with the parents.

Yes, I believe the "golden child" of my family is a bit of a mess. He is the youngest. I'm the oldest (black sheep.) The middle child is probably the most successful of all of us, but my parents still dote on the youngest "golden child"

The golden child in my family looks great on Facebook but is a mess in real life. She has a good job but has her utilities turned off a few times a year, her house is a few piles away from being on the show Hoarders, she got a DUI and lost her drivers liscense, let her 14 yr old stop going to high school (before Covid) and go online but never kept track so he now 18 yr old is trying to pass the GED. But to hear my parents talk she is their pride a joy. They love me too and are proud of me as well but simply gush over their daughter that went to the Ivy league school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the golden child (and is a middle child). His sister, youngest, is more like the middle child, which I guess would make his older brother the black sheep.

These archetypes are so weird but so persistent. Why? I have two kids and while I can acknowledge one is “easier” and more laid-back, I adore them both.

I thought these were only in alcoholic families.

Not only alcoholic, but other toxic family systems. Healthy families don't do this.

Idk DH and I have functional families. Both dh and I are the oldest and the most favorite child/golden child. But we're not incompetent or failures? We made good grades, good colleges, married young, have the only grandchildren that our parents will ever get and are doing just fine. DH's siblings are well loved too, but even I can tell that DH is their favorite.

Often these roles get traded around as people mature and age so a former golden child can become a black sheep and a black sheep can become a middle child etc.

I am the middle forgotten and black sheep. I am going great and am very low contact, happily. The golden child and youngest live close to my parents. They can do all the elderly care since they were 'takers' in terms of childcare and the kids going on grandparents trips. The roles still hold true in my family even though we are adults.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is the golden child (and is a middle child). His sister, youngest, is more like the middle child, which I guess would make his older brother the black sheep.

These archetypes are so weird but so persistent. Why? I have two kids and while I can acknowledge one is “easier” and more laid-back, I adore them both.

I thought these were only in alcoholic families.

My husband is the golden child (and is a middle child). His sister, youngest, is more like the middle child, which I guess would make his older brother the black sheep.

These archetypes are so weird but so persistent. Why? I have two kids and while I can acknowledge one is “easier” and more laid-back, I adore them both.

In our family, the middle child was also the golden child. My parents claim it has to do with the doctor telling them to give her extra attention when my twin brother and I were born. We were the forgotten ones, especially me, because my twin was a bit of a mess and got extra care for it. Oldest was the black sheep and remains a very self-centered, somewhat lazy person, who never worked. But won't help very much with my mother, who has dementia, now that my father and other two siblings have all died (I'm only 47 by the way). Young deaths in our family. And lots of dysfunction. But to answer the question: middle child was golden child and was actually a fairly happy person--though into pot pretty heavily--but had a nice, happy family when she died unexpectedly of a likely brain aneurysm at the age of 50.

The black sheep in our family is doing fine for the most part, but he still acts like kind of a crappy human around family (cancelling plans on someone who flew in to see him and was planning to stay with him, stealing our aunt’s car, etc). It’s weird how these childhood roles follow you.

Yes, absolutely. The Golden child in my family may have a fancy job title, but she cannot get along with people at work/in her personal life and she gets a fair number of complaints filed against her at work. She gets into legal disputes because of her fragile ego. She just seems to need drama and chaos and if people aren't treating her like a queen at all times she cannot handle it. So many of her close relationships go up in flames. My mother is still enmeshed with her and thinks she can do no wrong. If I had even 1 of her issues, I would be tormented by my mother.

Anonymous wrote:In a family where one is supposed to be the golden child, the other the black sheep, and the forgotten middle child. Except the golden child, in real life, has been a bit of a mess. In and out of rehab, hospitalized in the psych ward, divorced, etc.

But the way the mom talks about the golden child and brags about him makes him sound like a shining example. Is it possible for the golden child to be a bit of a mess?

The black sheep, after some pretty dark and stormy times, has ironically become the most successful in life, but only after going no contact with the parents.

Yes the golden child gets that label because parents are trying to cover up what a mess he/she is.

I’m married to the golden child. I wouldn’t say that he’s a mess, but he is also an alcoholic (recovering), and he has his fair share of problems. His brother is the black sheep, and he seems to be doing fine from my perspective. Stable engineering job. Married going on 20 years.

It’s amazing how everyone seems to hang on to their roles though when they are together or talk about each other.

In my family, the middle child is the golden child.

In a family where one is supposed to be the golden child, the other the black sheep, and the forgotten middle child. Except the golden child, in real life, has been a bit of a mess. In and out of rehab, hospitalized in the psych ward, divorced, etc.

But the way the mom talks about the golden child and brags about him makes him sound like a shining example. Is it possible for the golden child to be a bit of a mess?

The black sheep, after some pretty dark and stormy times, has ironically become the most successful in life, but only after going no contact with the parents.