The good news is that he has all of middle school to learn new habits. If you view it that way, as a learning experience and skill development time, and know that grades don't 'count' until 9th, you will be less stressed.

Also, the profile you describe is often ADHD masked by a high IQ.

I have a less motivated son and am curious to learn from parents of older children as the boys get older, what keeps the boys less motivated? Are they motivated in other areas like sports or clubs, just not academics? Or at least socializing? Or are they generally disinterested?

Anonymous wrote:Many students change a great deal between middle school and HS. MS is when they develop habits! Definitely go for it and work hard in MS to instill good study skills and habits. Good luck, OP!

This is bad advice.

Tell the kid he can go for one year but leave if it’s a bad fit.

Many students change a great deal between middle school and HS. MS is when they develop habits! Definitely go for it and work hard in MS to instill good study skills and habits. Good luck, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH teaches at an all-boys high school. He teaches 3-4 grade levels and says most 9th/10th grade boys have pretty poor study/organizational habits. I'd make sure he actually wants to go there because if not, it's not going to end well.

OP, I have a son like this at another big 3. In hindsight, I'm not sure the school was the best choice for him, although he has liked it and has received a very good education. But his grades have never reflected that, because he - like your son - just doesn't put in the effort. I thought that would change when he got to HS, but I'm betting that what you see now is pretty much what you've got.

Your son will find his group of like-minded underachievers - there are some at every school, even STA. No question that this is a better group for him to be around that the underachievers at a most public schools, so take some comfort in that. However, you - and he - are going to have years ahead of a pressure cooker environment where he simply refuses to play along. As a parent, this can be maddening, but you quickly learn that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, as the saying goes. Extra help, study skills classes, etc are of no use unless he wants them and guess what - kids like this usually don't.

I would suggest that you redefine what you mean by "do well" at STA.

Agree with this poster 100% and she puts it well. I will add that in my experience the "reluctance to study and/or apply oneself" gets much worse before it gets better. It worries me that your son is like this already and he's just entering 6th or 7th grade. What typically happens is a boy hits his true academic apathy when teenage hormones set in--in 9th/10th. If your kid is already like this at a younger age I shudder to think that he will be like in 2 years. I don't think I've ever seen a boy get MORE motivated during later middle school.
I also very much agree with the term "maddening". It is indeed maddening because there's not one darn thing you can do to foster a love of learning or motivation in a kid and the older they get, the less control you have. By 9th grade you have almost no control
at all. I have a boy who joined STA at 9th and it's been a non-stop struggle. He is brilliant but just doesn't care. We battle and battle and he underachieves. He was highly motivated in 6th and 7th and then it just disappeared. In retrospect I wish I had put him in a less pressure-cooker place. he was accepted to St Johns and Landon and probably should have gone to one of those places. Life for both he and us (his parents) would have been SO much more pleasant. The battles are horrible.

Anonymous wrote:My DH teaches at an all-boys high school. He teaches 3-4 grade levels and says most 9th/10th grade boys have pretty poor study/organizational habits. I'd make sure he actually wants to go there because if not, it's not going to end well.

OP, I have a son like this at another big 3. In hindsight, I'm not sure the school was the best choice for him, although he has liked it and has received a very good education. But his grades have never reflected that, because he - like your son - just doesn't put in the effort. I thought that would change when he got to HS, but I'm betting that what you see now is pretty much what you've got.

Your son will find his group of like-minded underachievers - there are some at every school, even STA. No question that this is a better group for him to be around that the underachievers at a most public schools, so take some comfort in that. However, you - and he - are going to have years ahead of a pressure cooker environment where he simply refuses to play along. As a parent, this can be maddening, but you quickly learn that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, as the saying goes. Extra help, study skills classes, etc are of no use unless he wants them and guess what - kids like this usually don't.

I would suggest that you redefine what you mean by "do well" at STA.

My DH teaches at an all-boys high school. He teaches 3-4 grade levels and says most 9th/10th grade boys have pretty poor study/organizational habits. I'd make sure he actually wants to go there because if not, it's not going to end well.

I have sent through a bunch and maturity and discipline were definitely the deciding factor for success early on (oldest was most mature and focused but probably not the smartest). As time went on and my other boys got their time management skills and focus better directed, they came around but it can be hard so be prepared or find a fit where the ramp up tracks typical boy maturation patterns.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to STA from a K-8. He's very bright with major strengths in language arts, but generally an underperformer, mainly due to lack of effort. This seems to be because of a lack of maturity, which seems to be getting better recently. When he puts effort into things, he does well.

We're not particularly excited with the other schools he got into, so we would like him to attend STA--we're just feeling concerned about his work habits. Anyone have experience with this situation, and your DC ended up doing very well?

What school is he coming from and what kind of recommendations did he get because I am surprised that he would get into STA if he has pore study habits. I would think they would have come up in recs.

Don't set your kid up to get counseled out. That will follow him when searching for another school

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to STA from a K-8. He's very bright with major strengths in language arts, but generally an underperformer, mainly due to lack of effort. This seems to be because of a lack of maturity, which seems to be getting better recently. When he puts effort into things, he does well.

We're not particularly excited with the other schools he got into, so we would like him to attend STA--we're just feeling concerned about his work habits. Anyone have experience with this situation, and your DC ended up doing very well?

What school is he coming from and what kind of recommendations did he get because I am surprised that he would get into STA if he has pore study habits. I would think they would have come up in recs.

Anonymous wrote:My son was admitted to STA from a K-8. He's very bright with major strengths in language arts, but generally an underperformer, mainly due to lack of effort. This seems to be because of a lack of maturity, which seems to be getting better recently. When he puts effort into things, he does well.

We're not particularly excited with the other schools he got into, so we would like him to attend STA--we're just feeling concerned about his work habits. Anyone have experience with this situation, and your DC ended up doing very well?

You should feel concerned, you would be setting him up for failure. I would not send my child with that issue to this school.

Enroll and then have him seek out the study center to help with habits proactively in the fall. Or ask for some things to go over during the summer to help him prepare?
Good luck and congrats. My DD will be attending NCS for MS and I am glad she'll have the two years before Upper School to adjust to the environment.

He will get adjusted. If not he will just get bad grades

My son was admitted to STA from a K-8. He's very bright with major strengths in language arts, but generally an underperformer, mainly due to lack of effort. This seems to be because of a lack of maturity, which seems to be getting better recently. When he puts effort into things, he does well.

We're not particularly excited with the other schools he got into, so we would like him to attend STA--we're just feeling concerned about his work habits. Anyone have experience with this situation, and your DC ended up doing very well?